Is this Rude?

SummerBoston10

Hi everyone.  I'm hoping that you can all help me decide what to do about this. 

We are having a full open premium bar at our wedding.  This open bar includes champagne of some sort.  We are not doing wine service at the dinner tables but our guests can either get up and get a drink from the bar (5 feet away) or they can ask the servers for a drink and it will be brought to them at the table.  We opted not to do wine service or champagne service at the tables because we would then have to pay for each bottle on top of the $50/pp for the open bar.  

Here is my question.  My fiance and I would really like to have a nice bottle of champagne like Dom P or Veuve Clicquot.  Our venue has told us that this is no problem and we just order what we want and they will have it for us near our sweetheart table.  Is that tacky since the rest of our guests will not have champagne service at the table?  Or would you not even notice something like this?  My mom thinks that we can't do this but I thought I would check with you girls to see what you think. 

aMrsin09

Have your champagne.

Honestly, I wouldn't notice and even if I did, I would never begrudge the B & G a glass of champagne.

AlexiaANDRobert

Is that tacky since the rest of our guests will not have champagne service at the table? Yes, it's tacky.  Don't have something for yourself that you're not offering everyone else.  Take the bottle, and bring it to your wedding night location and share if with your new husband then.
Or would you not even notice something like this? It would probably be noticed since sweet heart tables are usually off to the side and kind of the center of attention.
My mom thinks that we can't do this but I thought I would check with you girls to see what you think. Your mom is right.

sarah0725

It wouldn't make a big difference to me, especially if you guys are at a sweetheart table, but then, I don't spend most of my life looking around to check whether somebody else got something better than what I got. I think the bride and groom often get special treatment (for one thing, you get served first so that you can eat and then make table visits) so it wouldn't look too odd to me. You might not have time to drink it all, though - that's what I hear anyway.

AdeleDazeem

As long as everyone has some sort of champagne, I think it's okay.

I went to a wedding over the summer where only the bridal party got champagne - not cool.  But if everyone is getting champagne and you guys just have a nicer version, eh - I wouldn't care.

kate51485

I personally don't think that I would notice, to be honest. 

Are you going to have the same type available to the guests, just at the bar, or will you only have the nice stuff for yourselves and cheaper stuff for them?

I can see where you could run into trouble if someone noticed that you had the fancy kind at your table and they wanted some too, only to find out that their only option was a regular kind.  I'm not sure that's the greatest etiquette.

sarah0725

Oh, one other thing, though - at most of the weddings I've attended, the waiters bring around champagne for the toast, so that everyone has some right then. Would there be a mad scramble to get it if they didn't bring it around? Not sure how that would work.

tidetravel

I think it's fine.  You said your guests could have champagne either from the servers or from the bar, so its not as if they aren't getting anything at all.

danieliza1127

I think it's perfectly fine for the bride and groom to have champagne at their table and not have it at every table for every guest.  We had a champagne toast at our wedding and we had champagne while everyone else just toasted with their drinks. 

Every wedding I've been to that had a champagne toast for ALL the guests, the champagne went to waste because most people don't drink it.  I've also been to weddings where only the bride/groom and wedding party had champagne and I never thought twice about it.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:70087657-d6b7-4629-9679-2189ebb0fe74">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, one other thing, though - at most of the weddings I've attended, the waiters bring around champagne for the toast, so that everyone has some right then. Would there be a mad scramble to get it if they didn't bring it around? Not sure how that would work.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Maybe you could arrange for the servers to bring champagne to everyone at a specific time for the toasts.  It wouldn't be "tableside" service (open the bottle and pour at the table), but anyone that wanted it could have it.

kate51485

Oh and even if the scenario I mentioned happened to me -- I wouldn't be mad.  Champagne is champagne, to me.  I guess I don't have that discerning of a palette.  Somebody more hoity toity than that may be annoyed, I guess...

AlexiaANDRobert

I don't have a problem with the B&G having champagne at their table.  I see the issue with them having BETTER champagne at their table.

It's like having Kettle One for the B&G and then Stoli for everyone else.  It's just tiered and seems really arrogant.  Yeah, it's your wedding reception, but save it for later.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:c352c370-f62f-4954-870f-4ce76040582c">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have a problem with the B&G having champagne at their table.  I see the issue with them having BETTER champagne at their table. It's like having Kettle One for the B&G and then Stoli for everyone else.  It's just tiered and seems really arrogant.  Yeah, it's your wedding reception, but save it for later.
Posted by AlexiaANDRobert[/QUOTE]

Who would even notice though?  I mean, if someone would really go up to their table to see what type of champagne they have to make sure it's the same as what the guests are given, then I feel sorry for that person.  That person needs to get a life. 

kate51485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:c352c370-f62f-4954-870f-4ce76040582c">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have a problem with the B&G having champagne at their table.  I see the issue with them having BETTER champagne at their table. It's like having Kettle One for the B&G and then Stoli for everyone else.  It's just tiered and seems really arrogant.  Yeah, it's your wedding reception, but save it for later.
Posted by AlexiaANDRobert[/QUOTE]

I see what you mean, but at the same time she is having an open bar, and the bar is presumably open during dinner.  It's not like the guest are getting a McD's hamburger while the B&G are eating filet mignon, or the WP gets free drinks but no one else gets liquor at all.  I don't think it's really <em>that</em> arrogant.

AlexiaANDRobert

Eh, agree to disagree.

Would I jump down someone's throat over it and not be friends with the person? No.

Would I give it the side-eye and probably snicker to my sister about it? Yeah.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:8f58dac1-2e7c-4cd3-8ba2-31648ce6d4a4">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]  I've also been to weddings where only the bride/groom and wedding party had champagne and I never thought twice about it.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Really?  Oh, that makes me so mad!  The champagne wasn't even at the bar - the only champagne in the whole place was held hostage at head table.  I found that to be rude... at least offer it at the bar if the hosts want to keep the waste to a minimum.

shellydiane820

I'm on the "I don't see a problem with it" bandwagon."

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:a38fdacf-e848-43ea-8c21-bf49a9882adf">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, agree to disagree. Would I jump down someone's throat over it and not be friends with the person? No. Would I give it the side-eye and probably snicker to my sister about it? Yeah.
Posted by AlexiaANDRobert[/QUOTE]


I understand what you're saying, but seriously, how would even know that their champagne is different than yours?

kate51485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:a38fdacf-e848-43ea-8c21-bf49a9882adf">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, agree to disagree. Would I jump down someone's throat over it and not be friends with the person? No. <strong>Would I give it the side-eye and probably snicker to my sister about it? Yeah.
</strong>Posted by AlexiaANDRobert[/QUOTE]

Truthfully, that seems snootier than the B&G having a bottle of Dom.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:0efd886a-c496-4f05-8857-fa20f7ae0085">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this Rude? : I understand what you're saying, but seriously, how would even know that their champagne is different than yours?
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I could see if the bottle were sitting ON the sweetheart table waiting for them.  But I thought OP said that it would be brought to them, so it's not like people are going to get much of a chance to see.

SummerBoston10

We were not planning to do a true champagne toast.  Our venue has told us that most people prefer to just toast with the drink that they have. 

I should mention, my FI's family and all of his parent's friends are Russian.  All they drink is straight up vodka.  Our "signature drink" is going to be vodka neats so there will be servers with trays of vodka neats and that is what his family would toast with anyway, regardless if champagne was poured at the table or not. 

I don't think that our venue would set "our" bottle of champagne on our table.  We wouldn't be allowed to serve ourselves anyway.  We will have a bridal attendant who will be there for us all night to ensure that we have everything that we want/need.  Maybe we can just have them hold our bottle behind the bar and our attendant will just get us our drinks from that so no one would even notice. 

Its not a big deal and I actually don't even care about this because I doubt we will even have time to drink.  My fiance is the one that wants something "special" for us. 

btrflykate1230

Yeah, put me in the "I could care less" camp too. It's the B&G's wedding day. 

AlexiaANDRobert

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:5383fd69-a43e-4cf1-a26a-137fa95ace95">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this Rude? : I could see if the bottle were sitting ON the sweetheart table waiting for them.  But I thought OP said that it would be brought to them, so it's not like people are going to get much of a chance to see.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

I'm visualizing the bottle in a pretty bucket right by or on the table.  That's my bad.

sarabellam

If there is a full open premium bar at the reception, I'm not going to begrudge the B&G something special. Don't get me wrong, I LURVE me some Dom, (not that I can afford it these days), but would I get bent out of shape if I even noticed? Probably not.

tidetravel

I do agree w/ Alexia, though, in that it may be more special  to save the fancy champagne for later in the evening when the two of you are alone.

sophistryliz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:c352c370-f62f-4954-870f-4ce76040582c">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have a problem with the B&G having champagne at their table.  I see the issue with them having BETTER champagne at their table. It's like having Kettle One for the B&G and then Stoli for everyone else.  It's just tiered and seems really arrogant.  Yeah, it's your wedding reception, but save it for later.
Posted by AlexiaANDRobert[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but I think you're really wrong.  No one will notice.

danieliza1127

When my H and I got back to our hotel after the reception, at almost 1:00 in the morning, the LAST thing we wanted to do was crack open a bottle of champagne.  We were freakin exhausted.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:79872fb5-7cd2-4b30-b606-9b85debf9f00">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this Rude? : I'm sorry, but I think you're really wrong.  No one will notice.
Posted by sophistryliz[/QUOTE]

Can you even read? 90% of the posters in this thread are saying that nobody will notice.

aMrsin09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:02b0e220-e0f5-42ac-9d16-7e481ffe5eb6">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this Rude? : I'm visualizing the bottle in a pretty bucket right by or on the table.  That's my bad.
Posted by AlexiaANDRobert[/QUOTE]


Even if it was, I still wouldn't really notice.

sophistryliz

Yes...why can't I say no one will notice, too?  I giving my input lady. Chill.

kate51485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31fc463a-4934-4573-a939-26472d011d1bPost:f0c4e227-0c44-4280-b8ac-c8d48bec3ab6">Re: Is this Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this Rude? : Can you even read? 90% of the posters in this thread are saying that nobody will notice.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

Would you have said that to a reg who said that, too?