Cocktail reception - Manhattan, NYC

balzos01

Hello!
I am looking to plan a cocktail reception in Manhattan for 100 guests -- thinking heavy hors d'oeuvres, open bar, and cake or cupcakes for dessert, lasting 3h, starting at 8pm (the ceremony is to involve only immediate family FYI...). Any ideas on this? Has anyone every been to a cocktail reception? What were your thoughts?! Any advice or constructive criticism is well-received and appreciated. Thanks!

kate51485

If you have 100 guests at the reception, you should have 100 guests at the ceremony.

Beachy730

I have been to one cocktail reception and very much enjoyed it.  They had different stations set up with a meat carving station, a pasta station, and lots of appetizers.  It was really fun, and personally i loved that the bar didn't close.  8pm is a little late though to start, especially if you are doing a private ceremony before.  I would consider starting at 7 at the latest.  But I do know Manhattan generally does dinner later, so only you know your guests. 

As for the ceremony, you are fine to keep it private as long as it truly is private with immediate family only, and not a pick and choose which friends we want there.  On your invites you could just write "Following a private ceremony."

Nebb

A friend of mine had a cocktail reception and I LOVED IT, it was so great. Just have many tables for people to still sit at, couches, tall tables and bar chairs, whatever. People will still mingle and walk around, but have enough seating for everyonei n one way or antoher.

I dont believe you have to have all your guests to your ceremony, but if you do it small, make sure its SMALL (immediate family).

Nebb

Do you have any venues or menus planned out yet?

balzos01

Thanks for the suggestions. The more helpful advice the better...

When I say immediate family, it will def be immediate family only; no extras. 

After a ton of internet research and legwork, I've narrowed down the venue to 3 places. The menu should include between 4-6 passed hors d'oeuvres and a station or two...

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cocktail-reception-manhattan-nyc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:32296a0b-0683-4cc3-987c-ea234bfa6930Post:8e6ab342-7fed-44e4-8ba7-794ea9b0a8a7">Re: Cocktail reception - Manhattan, NYC</a>:
[QUOTE]Just make sure that the volume of food equals a meal, especially if your reception is at meal time.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Agreed.  And I would also say on your invites that its a cocktail reception.

After I went to that cocktail wedding I really wanted to have on for myself, but the things that I liked so much about it (like open seating, no reserved seats) wouldn't work with how big our guest list was and with how many older guests we had that needed seats.  But I think it makes for a great wedding.

squirrly

Just out of curiosity, why do you want to celebrate with 100 people but don't want the majority of them to see the ceremony?  As a guest, I've been in that situation a couple of times, and I really, really dislike it.

JerseyML

I love the idea of a cocktail reception in the city!   What places have you looked at?  We had checked out Gotham Hall but we decided getting 200+ people from our NJ church ceremony to the city on a Saturday night would be a logistical nightmare! 

Not sure if you are still looking for places but there is this great restaurant/hall, Giando on the Water in Williamsburg which has the BEST views of the city. 

Kristin789

>>Just out of curiosity, why do you want to celebrate with 100 people but don't want the majority of them to see the ceremony?  As a guest, I've been in that situation a couple of times, and I really, really dislike it.

Ditto this.
No one I know goes to these gift-collection events if they're not invited to the ceremony anymore.  My friend did this for her daughter's wedding and they were so disappointed that they invited something like 100 people to go on a dinner cruise, and something like 30 people went...
You can invite 100 people to the no-ceremony-but-we-want-a-killer-gift-from-you-event, but few will show up.

Beachy730

I also don't understand why you wouldn't want your close friends and family at your ceremony to see you actually get married.  But personally i wouldn't be offended if someone had a private ceremony with immediate family only and I wasn't invited.  I would still go to the reception and wouldn't think twice about it. 

balzos01

hmmm. not sure that i get how the gift-giving comes into bplay, but clearly that's not the reason we've chosen to have the ceremony involve immediate family only...i think there's something to be said about having only my immediate family there that's personal and special; either way, i know that in thinking about who i would want to see and share my wedding day with, i would not be concerned about people not showing up for the cocktail reception b/c the ceremony involved only my and my fiance's immediate family; that's why they are my close friends and family...they're loyal, special, and good-hearted people. gifts are clearly not the priority. 

Nebb

Private ceremonies really arent the end of the world, nor does it mean youre gift grabby. There are many reasons to have one and as long as its SMALL like the OP intends on keeping it, I dont see anything wrong with it. People have their reasons.

AdeleDazeem

For what it's worth, balzos, my fiance and I are doing a very very similar type of wedding.  We're having a private ceremony (destination wedding, 13 guests, immediate family only) and will come home to have a larger cocktail party in a great city restaurant.  We're going to have plenty of passed appetizers, some stations, cake, and open bar.

I know that some people will ask why you don't just invite everyone to both, but as long as the ceremony is super private (under 20 guests) then I think it's okay.  Inviting 50 people to the ceremony and 100 to the reception is definitely a problem.  My fiance and I were adamant about a private ceremony, my parents want the big party - this was our compromise.

Good luck!

lisalou402

The other piece for many non-NYers to realize on this board that it's hard to find a space sometimes for 100 people to comfortably watch a ceremony if it's not a true venue.  So hey, let's get married in Central Park? Yeah, not so easy to get 100 people to find that spot in the park!  Same goes for city hall!  So i get it. 

BTW, i almost did a cocktail reception, but most of the venues I thought of for something like that didn't have a dance floor! So we wound up in a more traditional place in  NYC. 

Also think about PP's comment about food.  A friend of mine went to a cocktail reception and they got pizza after they were so hungry.

balzos01

thanks ladies! very helpful!

squirrly

balzos, I still am not clear on why you want more people at the reception.  You said you're comfortable with the very small list for the ceremony - cool.  But why invite extras to the cocktail party?

Calypso1977

its fine etiquette wise to do a private ceremony and then a larger reception.  however, i agree with some of the others that id feel slighted to not be invited to the ceremony.  to me, that's the most important part.  i can celebrate with you any time - i can only see you get married once.