Im over it

kelleykennedyny

OK, some  of you made me feel like an a$$ for posting this, but since you responded I cant delete it.  Ill never post anything on here again and I think its really sad that so many people sit on here all day just to get their knot status to change color.  For those of you that did not judge me and offered actual help, thanks.

ac_in_dc

You should be able to handle being a BM, just not able to plan the shower and other events on short notice.

Do you have enough time to attend the shower & bachelorette party? Do you have enough $$ to contribute a little bit towards each? If you can't, that's OK, but maybe mention this to the bride & tell her if she'd rather have someone else you'd understand, but you'd still love to stand with her on her wedding day.

Try to be up-front with the MOH about what you're able to do...just say exactly what you can and can't do. Do it on e-mail, then you think things out beforehand and it's easier to say things you're afraid to.

Good luck!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I think it's kind of messed up that you accepted just for the "experience" of being a BM, not because this girl is your friend. It's also condescending that you basically think she's weird and has no friends. People see friendship differently. Maybe she has no close family, or doesn't want them in the wedding.

That said, are you trying to drop out as a BM? Or just not get involved in a lot of stuff? It's perfectly fine to tell the bride and MOH that you are really busy and hope they understand. If you want to drop out you should tell the bride sooner rather than later that you have more commitments than you realized.

MeaghanandMichael

I just want to point to Capri's confession post below and take back what I said there. I don't have the energy to get into this today.

mwhitson14

If she's just e-mailing you to talk about the bridal shower (unless she's like PLAN ME A SHOWER MOFO!!) then set aside the e-mail for when you have some time. Maybe quickly write back, I'm busy right now but I'll get back to you on this at 6 or whatever. Or you say, I'm really too busy to plan your shower, I'm sorry. A lot of brides feel like that's what their WP is for, their help and opinions. And if you don't feel like you have the time to do it, then tell her. She can't read your mind.

Your wedding is the week after mine, so I get feeling like you're busy. But for a friend who asked me to be in her WP, and I agreed, I'd set aside some time to help her out when I could. And be upfront about it when I couldn't.

laurenclaire1386

You could always let the bride know that you didn't anticipate how being a BM would affect your life and that it's really too much for you right now and politely step down. That might offend the bride, I don't know her.

That being said, your post is kind of garbled and I don't really get what you're asking.

danieliza1127

Well, it sounds like your reasons for accepting were pretty goofy, but it's too late to change that now.

In my opinion, I think you need to stick it out.  You accepted for whatever reason and now you're committed.  I have a really hard time believing that you are really SO busy that you don't have time to respond to e-mails when they ask you questions.  I've been a BM 5 times and MOH once and it really doesn't take up that much of your time. 

It's perfectly okay to let the MOH know that you just moved and are planning your own wedding and a little busy right now, so if she wants to go ahead and plan the shower without your input, you wouldn't mind at all.  Offer what you can financially, if you can, and go ahead and let her take the lead.  I don't think you should drop out of the wedding unless you're prepared to go ahead and stop being friends with this girl. 

ac_in_dc

OK, I didn't read the OP carefully the first time and notice the way the poster is being kind of condescending to the bride.

You agreed to be in her wedding, you should start being nicer to her and cultivating a genuine friendship IMO!!!

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-bridemaid-same-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:325fd0ad-32c3-4e69-a839-cf79ce245d10Post:46d0e16c-247c-44b6-a1ab-1a4f4ee50cbc">Im over it</a>:
[QUOTE]WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH.
Posted by kelleykennedyny[/QUOTE]

I edited your post for you again OP. I think this is what you really meant to say.

vallyhoo

Okay the thread title changing was a little trippy, not gonna lie.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-bridemaid-same-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:325fd0ad-32c3-4e69-a839-cf79ce245d10Post:1443b08f-7a8b-45bc-9fcd-03568b8d577e">Re: Im over it</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Im over it : I edited your post for you again OP. I think this is what you really meant to say.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

DED.

And I agree Vally, I came into this thread expecting something new and didn't know what was going on until I read the responses and remembered.  I don't think anyone said anything nearly as bad as some of the responses to ridiculousness that I've seen.

mwhitson14

Hon, you got really good answers.

laurenclaire1386

Sensitive much, OP? Also, choke on one.

laurenclaire1386

Also, Whit, it cracks me up every time I see you call someone "hon" cause I know it's in that condescending Southern bless-your-heart way.

beatlesgirl25

I agree, you got really thoughtful advice on here. It could have gone so much worse for you. Have you even lurked here before? The mockery didn't even start until you tried to delete your OP. Something tells me you didn't get the validation you needed and that's why you're pissed at people's logical responses. It's called thicker skin, get some.

mwhitson14

Haha laurenclaire. It's not always condescending But this time, yeah.

kelleykennedyny

thanks everyone, you're right, Ive never been on here before.  Im extremely stressed out and didnt know how to word exactly what to say.  I didnt mean to come off condescending towards the bride whom I did not say or imply was weird/friendless etc..  I tried to delete the post not so much because of the responses, but for fear she'd see it and I didnt want to hurt her (hense why I am asking for advice).  I did get a lot of advice which I acknowleged and was thankful for, but I guess there are a lot of people with nothing better to do than judge people, etc.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-bridemaid-same-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:325fd0ad-32c3-4e69-a839-cf79ce245d10Post:e62e63ac-008d-448f-92e3-eef5a43b1258">Re: Im over it</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, Whit, it cracks me up every time I see you call someone "hon" cause I know it's in that condescending Southern bless-your-heart way.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

I can't WAIT to meet Whit so that I can "hear" the right voice in my head when I read stuff like this that she types.  :)  LOVE it.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-bridemaid-same-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:325fd0ad-32c3-4e69-a839-cf79ce245d10Post:b962fd0c-4912-47a6-998e-c2fdc60f12cf">Re: Im over it</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks everyone, you're right, Ive never been on here before.  Im extremely stressed out and didnt know how to word exactly what to say.  I didnt mean to come off condescending towards the bride whom I did not say or imply was weird/friendless etc..  I tried to delete the post not so much because of the responses, but for fear she'd see it and I didnt want to hurt her (hense why I am asking for advice).  I did get a lot of advice which I acknowleged and was thankful for, but I guess there are a lot of people with nothing better to do than judge people, etc.
Posted by kelleykennedyny[/QUOTE]

I'm judging you. Right. Now.

baby green bird

i missed it, but it sounds like it was really good. OP- you are a fool you if you think anyone gives a rat's ass if you post here or not.

mwhitson14

haha squirrly.