Etiquette

Ceremony wording to honor a loved one?

FI's mother is no longer with us, and we would like to offer a moment of silence in her honor during our ceremony.  We are writing our own ceremony, and I am having trouble with the wording for this.  Please help! Thanks!

Jen

Re: Ceremony wording to honor a loved one?

  • edited December 2010
    I don't think it's appropriate during your ceremony.  Your ceremony is about celebrating the love between you two, not remembering a deceased family member. 

    I think you should honour her by mentioning her in your programs, or even set up a memorial table at the reception.

    It might sound insensitive, but I have deceased family members too. I just don't think a wedding (especially a ceremony) is a proper time to bring this up and hone in on it. 

    ETA: I think a moment of silence would be especially inappropriate and uncomfortable.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ceremony-wording-honor-loved-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:32d821dd-5d42-4c76-bb6d-d4ae52aebd5cPost:b7bca98e-b7b1-44f5-a695-30ee3cc9b5dd">Ceremony wording to honor a loved one?</a>:
    [QUOTE]FI's mother is no longer with us, and we would like to offer a moment of silence in her honor during our ceremony.  We are writing our own ceremony, and I am having trouble with the wording for this.  Please help! Thanks! Jen
    Posted by jenandtim2012[/QUOTE]

    Ditto PP.  I'm not a fan of memorials at weddings in any form because it should be a day of celebrating, not mourning.  I think the best way to honor her would be to mention her in the program.  I definitely wouldn't take a moment of silence at the reception though.  If you really want something to be more visible you can leave a chair empty with a rose on it in the front row, but I think that should be the extent of it.
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  • edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ceremony-wording-honor-loved-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:32d821dd-5d42-4c76-bb6d-d4ae52aebd5cPost:5ad1e219-08d6-4551-aa2a-48577bc4003f">Re: Ceremony wording to honor a loved one?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Ceremony wording to honor a loved one? : Ditto PP.  I'm not a fan of memorials at weddings in any form because it should be a day of celebrating, not mourning.  I think the best way to honor her would be to mention her in the program.  I definitely wouldn't take a moment of silence at the reception though. <strong> If you really want something to be more visible you can leave a chair empty with a rose on it in the front row, but I think that should be the extent of it.</strong>
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, I like this idea better than a memorial table, although I personally wouldn't do either.</div>
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  • I agree with pp's. Why not just say a little something about loved ones who are deceased in your program? That is what we did. Nothing other than that.
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  • Thanks for you advice; I agree, I think we will honor her in the program. 

    Jen
  • I agree with the others.  A memorial to the deceased during the wedding seems inappropriate somehow.
  • We mentioned our passed loved ones in the program.  We also prayed for all people who could not attend the wedding (passed or just OOT) during the Intercessions section of the ceremony.  It was sort of buried in the whole mass of intercessions and is consistent with that part of Catholic ceremonies.
  • edited December 2010
    I don't know, if my mother had died before my wedding, I would have absolutely in some way made her a part of the day.  Like PPs said, maybe not in the ceremony, but I'm not sure.  
    I'm really of no help I suppose.
    Edited to fix grammer.  I think.  
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  • add on

    We mentioned on the back of the program all the deceased we wished to include in our prayers that day.

    Grandparents of both bride & groom
    bride's half brother
    bride's godmother
  • We did this for my dad, but without being specific. Our officiant said, "Because life is full of the unexpected, there are those close to S and A who are not able to share this day with us.  Please, join me in a quiet remembrance of these important loved ones and recognize the love and support they bestowed on A and S."

    Short and to the point, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Because my dad would have been a part of the ceremony by walking me down the aisle, I felt strongly about including this and have no regrets.
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  • Thanks again for all of your advice on this sensitive subject. I think we may find a way to mention her and forgo the moment of silence, as well as add something to the program. 
  • Yeah, the moment of silence might be kind of weird/awkward for people. We're doing three simple candles in remembrance of our grandmothers and when the mom's light the candles for the unity candle, they'll light the memorial candles, and there will be a note in the program.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ceremony-wording-honor-loved-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:32d821dd-5d42-4c76-bb6d-d4ae52aebd5cPost:e3f786fb-af57-47fb-bae0-e0a660e30079">Re: Ceremony wording to honor a loved one?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We did this for my dad, but without being specific. Our officiant said, " Because life is full of the unexpected, there are those close to S and A who are not able to share this day with us.  Please, join me in a quiet remembrance of these important loved ones and recognize the love and support they bestowed on A and S." Short and to the point, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Because my dad would have been a part of the ceremony by walking me down the aisle, I felt strongly about including this and have no regrets.
    Posted by starrynight1658[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm very sorry for your loss.  My fiance lost his mother, and I know how difficult it still is for him, even years later.</div>
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  • I think a moment of silence or an empty chair are both tear-jerker type things, and really don't fit with the joyous nature of a wedding. 

    We did a rememberence sign that shared the table with the guestbook at the reception.  Had we had room, we would have listed names of deceased close family in the program as well. 

    I also carried a small piece of needlework that my grandfather had stitched in my bouquet.  Our wedding was the one year anniversary of his funeral, actually.  In addition, the floral arrangements on our tables were a style my grandfather used all over his house with the roses he grew for years and years. 

    My feeling is that remembering those you have lost on your wedding day is really for YOU, and your very close family.  Do the simple things that speak to you, that remind you of them.  It doesn't matter if the whole guest list "gets it" - it's really just for you. 
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  • I did a moment of silence and don't regret it for a minute. It fit into the "mass"-like quality of the wedding (Catholic raised but wrote the entire ceremony myself). I had only positive responses afterwards about how sweet it was that we mentioned my dad. He was such a huge influence in my life and many of the people at the wedding were very aware of how his loss impacted me.
    I prefaced the moment of silence with a mention directly to my FI that my pops would have really loved my choice in him.

    I too think people are strangely taboo about mentioning loved ones at a celebration that not only is about the two of you but about sharing your commitment with family and friends if you so choose. I get the other side thinking its morbid somehow, but people who know me, know that dad was such a huge influence and had he been able to fight the cancer, it was his biggest wish to see me in love and married. People came up and complimented how thoughtful and emotional the whole cermony was and that was exactly what I hoped for. I would have felt empty if I could not acknowledge my dad's love publicly on this day.  That's just me, but I don't regret at all.
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