Etiquette for Planning a Bachelorette

amalama

I am a BM in a friend's wedding and I was asked to plan the bachelorette. With the bride and the MOH and other BMs, we decided on a dinner/slumber party at the bride's house on Friday, and going out for dinner and karaoke Saturday. I have pretty much been planning myself, and sending the bridal party ideas and updates, to which they usual just reply that everything sounds great.

For the shower, the MOH just planned and then asked everyone if they could split the cost and some of else helped with certain things. All the other BMs grew up together, so I am kind of the odd one out and feeling awkward with dealing with this stuff. I know that the way the MOH went about it was exactly within etiquette, but I don't know what the other BMs are expecting for the bachelorette. No one seemed bothered by the way the shower was done so I don't know if they are expecting me to just give them a total. I feel like I shouldn't ask them for money, but there are some things I would like to do that I can't afford the total cost myself. Is it okay to include in one of the updates some costs and say to let me know if any of them can help? Some of them can't even come both nights, and none of them seem that interested in the party so I feel bad asking them for any help, but at the same time (because of the way the shower and other things have gone) I think they probably are expecting to pay something.

[Deleted User]

Well for the slumber party portion, can you send an email out to those who are doing that part & ask them to all bring a snack/beverage to help with the expenses & work of that part?

For the dinner portions, I would send a link to the resturants you plan on going to & asking everyone to take a look at the menu's to confirm that the prices are okay with them? When I've been invited I assumed I would be responsible for my own dinner & drinks when going to a party be it a birthday party, bachlorette party or whatever. Which is why sometimes I have to decline invites because of the budget. And you can just ask everyone if they would be able to chip in $5-$10 each to cover brides food/drinks.

peekaboo2011

Last bachelorette party I helped plan/attended, we just split costs evenly over all of us (minus the bride).  It was a lot easier at the restaurant than having our server split the check, and it was a zillion times easier to do it that way at the karaoke bar we went to.

ETA: We all looked at prices and decided we could afford to do that before we made reservations/went.

amalama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-for-planning-a-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:32f1412d-75de-4e43-b1c9-aa8df5fb1bc8Post:615fb597-f9d5-4549-bca1-e56edd5d2d72">Re: Etiquette for Planning a Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]If MOH decided all the shower details and then split the cost between the BMs that is not ok by etiquette. She should have asked how or what people could contribute and planned accordingly. You should to the same. It is fine to ask for help, but no one is obligated to oblige.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes I know that it was against etiquette, my point was that all of these girls are friends and have been in each other's weddings (besides me and the groom's sister) and I think that is just the way they do things, so I didn't want to just wait for them to offer because I don't think they would think to, they would expect me to ask. But if it's okay for me to just ask if the can/want to contribute and go from there, that should work fine. I just didn't know if it was rude for me to even ask.</div><div>
</div><div>BTW, this would mostly be for the Friday night stuff. We have a couple silly games planned, plus dinner and breakfast the next day, drinks, and a few decorations. It's not going to cost a ton but I am on a tight budget so if people can help I can do a little bit more.</div><div>
</div><div>As far as Saturday goes, all the BMs agreed on the place and I posted the link to the menu on the evite for everyone else. I also made it very clear that each thing (slumber party, dinner, karaoke bar) was separate and people could come to as much or as little as they could so I hope no one will feel pushed to spend too much.</div>