Need Your Help!

nnbarriere

Hi all, my husband and I are celebrating our recent marriage by having a weekend gathering which will include a formal reception with our family and closest friends in September. To back up, we eloped (we told our families before we said I Do and they all were supportive and excited for us) and planned to have a Get to Know Your Family Weekend. This will be the first time our families meet since we have no family in the state were we reside and our families also live in different states.

Here's where I'm stuck, my family is known for substance abuse. Alcohol, drugs, you name it. Of course they all want to come, and I want them to come but how do I tell them that there will be no alcohol at our reception aside of the champange? To get really personal, how do I tell my mother?! Who's very sensitive and defensive about it. I am afraid of being attacked (has happened before when I brought it) with blaming me for being ashamed of who they are. Sorry so long.

aragx6

Honestly I probably wouldn't tell anyone upfront. If you do you'll just have people pregame or sneak in their own.

HockeyFan4

I don't think you have to say anything.  People don't say "Hey we are having alcohol!", so the opposite would hold true as well.

Or are you afraid they will bring their own and you don't want that?

nnbarriere

I should have added that my family will BYOB regardless. They will get in town and the first stop is the liquor store.

lizzywiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-your-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33296356-5922-478d-a1aa-9c05abde8e7cPost:f2620813-d4a0-49dc-9c2c-9a80df077d00">Re: Need Your Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I should have added that my family will BYOB regardless. They will get in town and the first stop is the liquor store.
Posted by nnbarriere[/QUOTE]

I guess you're out of luck then.  If they are going to bring booze no matter what, there's nothing you can do to stop them except not inviting them.

kmmssg

I too come from a family of addicts and alcoholics.  You say nothing.  At all.  Yeah, they will BYOB but that is out of your control.  Plan a daytime affair.

You guys are paying so you are calling the shots. You have absolutely no control over your family or what they choose to do.  As pp stated, you don't go around telling people that you ARE serving alcohol at receptions, so you don't have to notify everyone that you are not serving it now.  

Can I just throw out there that maybe you reconsider the champaign toast?  People who do like champaign like good champaign (which = $$$).  Most everyone else could take it or leave it.  You could save money and just have people toast with whatever it is they are drinking and just keep it alcohol free across the board.   Many people take a sip of champaign for the toast and then don't finish it.  Just a thought to pass along.

nnbarriere

Thanks! Great advice. I surely was pondering on this very hard.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-your-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33296356-5922-478d-a1aa-9c05abde8e7cPost:dd063355-7ed6-44f3-b53c-06c96976067e">Re: Need Your Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need Your Help! : Pun intended?  ;-)
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

Love it!

kmmssg

No, it wasn't intended.......could have chosen those words FAR more carefully!