Wedding Etiquette Forum

holy crap

I read this online:
If your parents were divorced, you’re at least 40 percent more likely to get divorced than if they weren’t. If your parents married others after divorcing, you're 91 percent more likely to get divorced.

So FI & I are screwed since both sets of our parents divorced and then remarried.  Damn.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-05-19/15-ways-to-predict-divorce/
image

Re: holy crap

  • not sure but I've heard of "divorce calculators" that can tell you based on different inputs where you stand statistically.

    I plan on being one of the 9%... but I guess everyone says that. ha
    image
  • What if your mom and dad got divorced and then your mom got remarried and then got divorced again AND didn't breast feed you?
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Those stats are pretty scary. 
  • I think that stat is pretty bogus, TBH..

    I know for me, personally, because I have divorced parents, I want to try that much harder to make my marriage last, and I think that lots of people with divorced parents feel the same way.

    But I'm in the same boat as CS. H's parents are happily married.
  • if she didnt breastfeed you ur totally screwed. my condolences in advance.
    image
  • golden1215golden1215 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_holy-crap-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34745e61-0757-4518-a152-2fac584995aePost:b14b2d16-e664-435b-b671-1cc615c85651">Re: holy crap</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that stat is pretty bogus, TBH.. <strong>I know for me, personally, because I have divorced parents, I want to try that much harder to make my marriage last</strong>, and I think that lots of people with divorced parents feel the same way. But I'm in the same boat as CS. H's parents are happily married.
    Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

    thats exactly what I think.  but I guess the article was saying you view marriages as more disposable or whatever... idk
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_holy-crap-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34745e61-0757-4518-a152-2fac584995aePost:e4c397b3-fb83-4e7b-ab98-9b006f1e7dde">Re: holy crap</a>:
    [QUOTE]if she didnt breastfeed you ur totally screwed. my condolences in advance.
    Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

    Yeah that's probably right.  :)  I think coming from a divorced parental situation kinda put a damper on my wedding day because I know that its not really forever if you can get a divorce.  However I think I've seen what DOESN'T work in a marriage and can maybe learn from that? 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • 91% more likely than what?  I suspect that statistic is a smidge misleading based on the omission of the second half of the comparison.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Ha! 19.2% of people over the age of 15 in Wayne Co., IN are divorced.

    Reason 2346547 I don't think it's okay for people under 18 to get married. Ever.
  • I've read that before.  It also calls out Wayne County, Indiana (where my parents grew up and my cousin currently lives).  Her parents are also divorced (as are mine).  So she'll almost 100% get divorced . . .  and me, too!  Since not only are my parents from that county, but they both remarried!  DANG!

    Yeah, not buying into it at all.  Of course I wouldn't be getting married if I did.
  • youre probably right squirrly.... 91% of the total... or 91% of that initial 40%...?
    image
  • I just don't buy it. I know H and I fall into the camp of wanting to try a million times harder than our parents did. Well, I don't think mine could have tried any harder, they were toxic for each other. But his parents just stopped trying. We're fighting that with everything we are.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • At least you're not a lesbian, apparently they don't have a chance in hell.  169% chance?  That's not even mathematically possible, is it?
    image
    ttc chart
    BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    edited August 2010
    My parents are divorced. My mom is remarried and divorced again. My dad was remarried and she died and now he's getting remarried again. And H's dad is remarried because his mom died. So basically, I'm really screwed and I hope we aren't more likely to have someone die because of these statistics. 
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • My mom is remarried, dad remarried and divorced 3 times, H's mom married 4 times. Judging by those stats, H and I shouldn't even be married.
  • Ditto CS. H's parents parents have been happily married since high school, and they survived raising two hellish teenage boys. My parents were never meant for each other in the first place and my stepdad and mom have been married for 25 years, having gone through some hard times and raising Crazy Sister. I'm not too worried about our chances.

    I think it's all in who you marry and how you treat your marriage and partner.
  • Both of my parents were briefly married to other people before they married eachother. Coincidentally, their 25th anniversary is 11 days before my wedding. FI's mom and dad never got married, and FI was raised by his grandparents. Wonder where the hell that puts us? I don't think stats really matter. You marry the right person or you don't. No one can say for sure why some marriages work and some don't. Also, I have a feeling this study doesn't account for unhappy marriages. I'm sure there are people who stay unhappy in a marriage because divorce is much worse to them.
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • I have hear that stat before. And the media likes to be negative and word things so they are negative. They hardly ever show positive stats. But I think the bottom line is that staying in love is a conscious decision and no one ever said marriage is easy. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_holy-crap-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:34745e61-0757-4518-a152-2fac584995aePost:b14b2d16-e664-435b-b671-1cc615c85651">Re: holy crap</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that stat is pretty bogus, TBH.. <strong>I know for me, personally, because I have divorced parents, I want to try that much harder to make my marriage last, and I think that lots of people with divorced parents feel the same way. </strong>But I'm in the same boat as CS. H's parents are happily married.
    Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

    My grandmother was divorced 3 times. My mom was adamantly against divorce. I mean, my mom IS divorced and remarried, but I think her mother's relationship issues made her stay in her marriage and work on it a lot longer than she would have otherwise (26 years).

    Stats like this (also like the "50% of married couples get divorced" thing) are really skewed/flawed.

    Actual fact - couples with college degrees are only 25% likely to get a divorce, overall, and only 15% will divorce after making it through 10 years of marriage.

    <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.html?_r=2" rel="nofollow">http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.html?_r=2</a>
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • My parents have been together since they were 15, FI's mom has been married 3 times...do we cancel each other out??? 

    I can kind of get it though, if your parents divorced when you were young you don't really have any idea of what a happy succesfull marriage looks like.  Although for FI it just makes him want to work that much harder at ours.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_holy-crap-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34745e61-0757-4518-a152-2fac584995aePost:562ea26a-32f5-465b-93be-ad7b124cbf67">Re: holy crap</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents have been together since they were 15, FI's mom has been married 3 times...do we cancel each other out??? <strong> I can kind of get it though, if your parents divorced when you were young you don't really have any idea of what a happy succesfull marriage looks like.</strong>  Although for FI it just makes him want to work that much harder at ours.
    Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]

    This has always been a big fear of mine.  My parents separated when I was 3 and while I'm kind of glad because I wasn't old enough to realize what was happening, I also have no memory of being in a household with two adults who are working together, compromising, making joint decisions, etc. 

    So I've long been afraid that I won't know <em>how</em> to be married.  Or how to have a child with someone as it was always my mom's way or the highway in our house.  If she wanted to make a rule, she made it.  She didn't have to consult another adult or make sure they stayed on the same page.
    image
    ttc chart
    BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
  • What about those with parents (fi's and mine) whom are still married after 30-35 years together? You would think that divorce rate would be lower, in actuality, could it be possible to have a higher rate?
    I iz not Bridezilla.imageI iz Veloceraptor!

    FOR SALE!!.

  • The nightly news just did a few stories last month on this new "finding" that if you are around ANYONE who was divorced, you're like 40% more likely or something like that to get a divorce. They supposedly studied people in the UK over a period of time. They called it "divorce clustering." Something about the word "cluster" just doesn't sit right with me...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_holy-crap-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:34745e61-0757-4518-a152-2fac584995aePost:43aff53c-5c06-4c97-ad55-4678209ccb01">Re: holy crap</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: holy crap : T<strong>his has always been a big fear of mine.  My parents separated when I was 3 and while I'm kind of glad because I wasn't old enough to realize what was happening, I also have no memory of being in a household with two adults who are working together, compromising, making joint decisions, etc.  So I've long been afraid that I won't know how to be married. </strong> Or how to have a child with someone as it was always my mom's way or the highway in our house.  If she wanted to make a rule, she made it.  She didn't have to consult another adult or make sure they stayed on the same page.
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

    I can see that, but at the same time, my parents divorced when I was 23. I only have their marriage as a model for success and trust me, you wouldn't want that modeled for you, either.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • FI's Mom walked out when he was 7 and has no relationship w/ her.  His Dad never remarried or dated much.  He grew up in his grandparetns house w/ his Dad and sister.  Grandparents bickered back and forth like old married couples do, but never outwardly showed affection.

    My Mom was married prior to my dad for 2 yrs then got divorced.  My Mom and Dad were married for 16 yrs before he passed away.  She has yet to remarry, but is w/ someone great and will most likely marry next year.  My parents loved each other that I'm sure of, but there was never any love in the air between them...his health problems were a huge strain on their relationship.

    So where does that put my FI and me?
    Disfunctionally off the charts b/c we don't fall into a specific category?


    I know FI and I try hard to change behaviors that we saw growing up...or lack of actions rather.  So hopefully w/ us wanting to break away from what we saw as kids we can beat the odds!
    imageAnniversary
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards