What would you do?

ast284

I am looking into renting a beach house in Florida to host a small-ish wedding on the beach and reception at the house. My mom has been helping me look and some of the houses we have been looking at can sleep around 20 people. We are looking for a bigger house so that there will be plenty of room for the reception (which will be more like a family BBQ).

The thing I'm not sure about is who all should stay at the house. My parents were talking about renting the house for 2 or 3 days before the wedding to decorate and not be rushed, and keeping it the next day just to hang out. We had mentioned inviting my FIs immediate family, but mom is concerned it would be awkward because my family doesn't know them.

If my family is paying for the house should we keep it just to my family so that things would be more comfortable or would it be rude to exclude my future in-laws?

Thanks in advance for all feedback!

Meg1979

Where would the ILs stay if not?  I would probably invite them.  I've rented a home in the Panhandle area and I believe we rented a house that slept 10 and that was huge.  A place that sleeps 20 is probably going to have enough room for every to spread out and do their own thing.  If you decide not to have them stay there, I would try to book a block of rooms at a nearby hotel. 

tayylor65

I think it'd be rude to exclude the immediate in-laws.  What better way to merge families is there than for the parents/siblings to hang out at the beach and get things together for the wedding?  I think it'd be fun--unless you know they have seriously different personalities.  Either way, I wouldn't formally exclude them.  

ast284

Edited after I realized I left some stuff out. Whoops!

Oh yeah, we would look into blocking rooms for the other guests. (We are looking at having around 40-60, which is very small for my very large family.)

And I forgot this part, my mom is more concerned about after the wedding than before it. She said she thinks she would feel a little resentful if she paid for his family to stay and they did not contribute anything to it. And I would *not* want to ask them to. So even if this is the wedding location would it be appropriate to ask them to contribute momentarily? *Am I required to invite his family to stay as well?

I don't think it would be too awkward, because he and his mom stayed the night at our house for Thanksgiving. But we were just wondering if you put so many people of two different families in one house with emotions running high if there would be to tension.

Has anyone attempted this before?

mkrupar

If your mom makes the decision to rent this house as the wedding venue, then no it is not appropriate to ask them to contribute. It's actually not appropriate at all. I think your mom is being a little grumpy that she would be renting this house and they may not offer to contribute anything. Do you know that for sure? If this is going to be a problem. I suggest renting a smaller house that sleeps only your immediate family and let his family figure out their sleeping arrangements.

I thnk that everyone will jus be so happy for the wedding I can't really see a lot of emotions causing problems.

ast284

So if we rent the house, just let everyone stay there? It honestly seemed a little unfair for my parents to pay for everyone's accomadations, but I didn't know if it was because I was too close to the situation.

I know my mom is a little paranoid, but after the trouble we had with my brother's inlaws I can kind of understand.

HockeyFan4

if the house was just to stay in and not for the reception...it would be ok to say that it was a sleeping OPTION for x amount of money....but since it is where you are having the wedding reception you cannot ask for $$...if they offer, cool...if not ..you chose this for your recption....

lyndausvi

My parents rented a beach house for my wedding and only my family (and one BM) stayed there.    It never occurred to us to ask my MIL to stay.   It was my parent's rental and they could invite anyone they wanted to stay in the house they wanted.  

My MIL rented a few rooms at a hotel for her and her children.  

If DH and I rented the place then it would have been different.

ETA - the beach house was like an open house for 5 straight days.  Wedding guests were always coming and going (including MIL).  So even though they did not sleep at the house, everyone was invited to hang out at anytime.   I'm fairy certain they were happy NOT to have sleep there with all the activity going on.  

bridezillatobe2009

I disagree with the norm and maybe it's because I really dislike my inlaws and my parents have never met them. I would invite MY immediate family to stay at the house and the rest can stay at a nearby hotel. It's no different than having an in-town wedding and then asking my in-town family to host the OOT family; would be awkward and uncomfortable.

Avion22

If you and your parents can't afford to rent the house without the ILs chipping in, then you should get a different location.  If you CAN afford to rent it on your own, then it shouldn't matter if the ILs offer to chip in or not. 

If your really want your families to share the house for some "togetherness" time, then maybe you and your fiance can ask his parents if they would be interested in going in on a  beach house with your family.  Then go from there.

mica178

Who's hosting?  If it's you and your family, I don't think that you need to invite your FILs to stay at the house.  Let them arrange their own housing.

That being said, I think whoever stays at the house should not be charged to do so.  It's your mother's decision to rent the place longer than just the night/day of the reception, so she's responsible for the cost of the place.  If she cannot afford to have the place for 3-4 nights without charging other people, then she needs to find another place to stay and hang out and just rent that 20 person villa for the actual wedding.

ast284

I appreciate all of the feed back!

I don't think its so much the cost of the place, because she has made no mention of not being able to do it. I think its more that she doesn't want to feel like she is paying for my future ILs vacation after the wedding.

I think my mom has pictured it more like lyndausvi  had described. She was  mainly worried if there were too many people then it wouldn't stay clean for the event, and she said she could tell my brothers to clean up after themselves. lol

Would it be acceptable to just tell them that my parents are going to rent the house for the reception and that's where my family and I will stay prior and just wait to see if they ask to stay?

I just think my FI and I both have close nit families and if we tried to include everyone it could be alot of peple in one space that we are trying to prep for a wedding.

Whew... so glad I have some time to decide!

mkrupar

I would just tell your ILs that the house will be rented for the reception, then give them the information to rent another home or book a room in the block you have reserved. There's no need to point out who specifically will be staying in the house. If your mother is paying for it, she gets the say. But again, you cannot charge people to stay there if it's for the wedding. If they ask to stay just refer them again to the other lodging options.

If my son was getting married, and his FILs were renting a beach house no way would I presume that the people staying there would include me and my family.

lyndausvi

weddings are stressful enough to plan for a MOB. 

 Entertaining 24/7 is time consuming and stressful     

Add in they do not know each other and I just do not think it's a good idea for either party to share a house.

 Your mom (and FMIL for that matter) should be able to have a place where she can feel comfortable and escape to.