Head Table Etiquette

Murphy102

I have 12 people at my head table. They include the groom, bride, bride's parents, bride's 2 sons and their dates, groom's daughter, groom's mother, groom's father and his lady friend.  Obviously I have me (the bride) and my future husband sitting together, and his daughter next to him at his request, but I have a dilemma when it comes to the proper seating of the rest of the guests. I do not want to put his divorced mother and father together as this would be awkward.  My sons do not have a problem with not sitting directly by me as they understand there is only one other side open by me and they are more interested in being able to get up and move around during the reception, so they are fine being down at the far end of the table. I want peace and harmony but I do not want to break any rules of etiquette. Help.

KellyLovesJames

I think "head tables" are out of date.  I don't know other peoples opinion on this... but I think a "sweet heart" table is the way to go.

That probably doesn't help you much... but it's all I have. 

danieliza1127

Just put them where ever.  They don't have to sit next to each other just because they're his Mom and Dad.  Also, you don't have to do the big head table where everyone is sitting on display facing the rest of your guests.  You could sit at round tables instead.  The main thing is that you're doing the right thing by not separating them from their dates, so where they sit exactly at the table doesn't really matter that much.

JessAndTrav

Without really reading this, I originally considered doing a head table, because the last formal/fancy wedding I had been to had one, (which had been a few years ago). Last summer, I went to a really lavish wedding where they did a sweetheart table for the B&G and the WP sat at tables nearby. 

I decided to do that, and I am still glad I did. I would consider it, if I were you.

goheels05

There isn't really a proper order as long as you are not separating people from their dates, as Dani said.  Instead of having a "your side" and "his side,"  you could alternate couples/families, that way there isn't any chance of his parents sitting next to each other. 

L-Bride

I would nix the head table idea. They have become an unintentional/antiquated rude custom (IMHO). WPs and their dates are often annoyed at not being able to sit together and head tables are becoming out dated. I do think sweetheart tables are nice. If I were you I would have a sweetheart table- or a table with your FI and just your kids, and I would put his mom and dad at tables with their own families.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:35949f33-32af-4333-9fa0-2553e3f27d0fPost:5119080f-ccd0-45b1-b4ff-84f69d34372f">Head Table Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 12 people at my head table. They include the groom, bride, bride's parents, bride's 2 sons and their dates, groom's daughter, groom's mother, groom's father and his lady friend.  Obviously I have me (the bride) and my future husband sitting together, and his daughter next to him at his request, but I have a dilemma when it comes to the proper seating of the rest of the guests. I do not want to put his divorced mother and father together as this would be awkward.  My sons do not have a problem with not sitting directly by me as they understand there is only one other side open by me and they are more interested in being able to get up and move around during the reception, so they are fine being down at the far end of the table. I want peace and harmony but I do not want to break any rules of etiquette. Help.
Posted by Murphy102[/QUOTE]

Some suggestions for alternative seatings:
I know you said your sons don't mind not sitting with you, but is that really what you want? I think it would be the sweetest thing ever to have the "head table" be the bride, the groom, his daughter and your sons with their dates. Or it can be just be you, your husband and his daughter and plop your sons with their dates somewhere else, like with their cousins or your parents or something.
You can put his mother at a table with her family/friends and his father with his date at another table with their family/friends.
Same with your parents.

If you really want those people up there with you, then this is my advice:
Don't worry about even sides on the head table... you want quality people at the table as a whole, not perfect, even quanitity on each side because it just isn't as important.

vtbm

I agree with skipping the head table! There are plenty of other options to keep everyone happy and yourself from going crazy. We are sitting with our best man (his brother) and his wife, maid of honor (my sister) and her husband. The rest of the bridal party will be sitting at round tables on both sides of us with their dates and other close friends/family members. Our parents will be sitting with their own family. This is just one way of doing it. There are many options!

squirrly

Skip the head table.  We had a sweetheart table, dead center of the room, and had tables with our family & WP in the next circle out.  It worked wonderfully.

Lisa8888

I don't have a problem with a head table but a head table is for the bride and groom and WP.  Parents and children, etc don't sit at a head table.

PharmacyBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:35949f33-32af-4333-9fa0-2553e3f27d0fPost:ea4dd114-33ee-4c4a-acda-58114af23f83">Re: Head Table Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]We did a head table. For your situation, I would do as someone else suggested, and maybe alternate couples around the table rather than bride's side, groom's side to avoid sitting his parents next to each other. Perhaps it could go as follows, L to R: Groom's father & date Bride's parents Bride's sons & dates Bride & Groom Groom's daughter Groom's mother Or, you could do a round head table, and a lot of these issues would be avoided.
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]

<div>Great sugestion.. but maybe move the sons & dates to the right to push the B&G more to the middle?!  Long tables are much harder than circle tables!</div><div>
</div><div>Personally I think sweet tables are lame.. but I see their place in certain circumstances.  I think since you are including dates with you HT attendants you have absolutely no reason to get the typical HT negative comments.  They don't apply to your situation, IMO</div>

goheels05

Agree with Pharm.  The ZOMG HEADTABLES ARE ROOOOOOOD party line is becoming a broken record.  She said dates are also seated at the table. 

FutureMrsTR

Only one person suggested that the tradition of head tables is rude, I think others were suggesting alternate seating as an easier solution to her problem.

L-Bride

There are a lot of things that sound like broken records around here. She talked about having an awkward situation between her FIs mom and the new "lady friend" of her FFIL. I just feel like head tables tend to bring up annoyances regarding seating when there's no reason to really have a head table in the first place.

goheels05

But there's nothing rude about the head table she is proposing because guests aren't being separated from their dates. 

I agree that there's no reason to have a head table in the first place.  I personally dislike them, too.  However, if she's not being rude to her bridal party and she has her heart set on having a head table, it's not hurting anyone for her to have one. 

squirrly

It might not be rude, but it has the potential to be an ugly show down between divorced folks.  Rather than fight to figure out where to seat people and still get fussed at because one parent is closer than another, I'd just skip the head table all together.

goheels05

True.

Murphy102

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. I will take all of this into consideration.