Guest List Question

SteveandKris

Sorry, this got out of control length-wise - brief and to the point question in blod at the bottom.

My father is one of 7 children.   His siblings hail from Cali, Texas, Georgia, NY and Germany.  There are 14 cousins (myself and sister included).  There is a large generation gap (half are over 18 and half at under 10).  I am close with one uncle (from Texas) and his 3 daughters.  My father does not speak to the majority of his siblings. 

I have never met my youngest cousins and we have decided no children, including family, unless in the WP. 

My question is two-fold.  If I invite my three female cousins from Texas, am I obligated to invite my 2 male (over 18) cousins from Georgia, who I don't like, never speak to and couldn't be bothered to attend my grandfather's funeral?  Do I have to suck it up and invite them because they are the smae generation as my Texas cousins?  Or can I get away with inviting only the family I'm close to?  (Assuming for a moment that cost is a non-issue)

Second - can I get away with inviting only the uncles and aunts that I have seen/spoken to at any time during the past... 5 years?

On my wedding day, I want to be surrounded by people I love and who love me, and who might have met my FI... not just those I happen to share a bloodline with.  In short, is is wrong to invite only half a generation?

AmoroAgain

If you haven't seen them/spoken to them in several years, I'd say it's all right to invite only those you actually know. 

ggmae

Personally, I didn't want to be meeting people for the first time at my wedding. It was important to me (and to H too) that those who have been an important part of our lives were there, and that didn't include H's grandfather's brother's kids from Florida. However, we DID invite them because MIL said that it would make them happy and she assured us that there was a 99.9% chance no distant family members from FL would come (and I also didn't want to start a battle over it - gotta pick and choose those.) Looking back though, I sort of regret giving in and inviting them but she was right - none of them came.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-question-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3605b74b-8066-4e30-8b32-b6c142b3e405Post:b49f595d-ce1a-43bd-81dc-95e411af1a2a">Guest List Question</a>:
[QUOTE]If I invite my three female cousins from Texas, am I obligated to invite my 2 male (over 18) cousins from Georgia, who I don't like, never speak to and couldn't be bothered to attend my grandfather's funeral? 
<strong>
Nope, you aren't obligated to invite people you don't like, as long as you are willing to deal with the potential fallout from this.</strong>

 Second - can I get away with inviting only the uncles and aunts that I have seen/spoken to at any time during the past... 5 years? Posted by SteveandKris[/QUOTE]
<strong>If you haven't seen them recently, don't know them, and don't otherwise keep in touch, I think you can safely leave them off the list.</strong>

MyNameIsNot

If you don't have a relationship with them, there is no need to invite them. 

But, if your dad is contributing, you'll have to take his opinion into account. 

lauralaur

I would say if your Dad gives you the go ahead then I'd leave them off the list. I'd talk to him first to make sure there's no one he really wants there and that he doesn't think anyone will be offended if they're not invited.

SarahPLiz

I think that if you have never met a person, then they don't need to be invited. If your dad is not speaking to parts of his family, and you don't know them, then there is no reason to invite them.
I am ending up not inviting any 1st cousins on my mom's side except the one who is under 18 because he will have to come with his parents. They are spread all over the country and I haven't seen any of them in person for at least 10 years, even though we see each other on Fb all the time.  I have 2 first cousins on my dad's side that are like siblings to me, so they are invited, though. When working with a small guest list, you sometimes have to make those calls, just be prepared for someone to not like it.

SteveandKris

Thanks, ladies.  This was very helpful.  I'm not sure how many would travel anyway. 

squirrly

You aren't obligated to invite anyone at all.  As for whether it will cause issues within the family if you don't, I couldn't tell you since I don't know your family.  But, if you never see or talk to them - does it really matter?

Personally, I wouldn't invite them.

saisongbird

I have an "uncle" who we're not inviting.  I know him but he's the black sheep of our family.  My father doesn't refer to him as his brother, and while my mom (my parents are divorced, btw) gets along with him, literally no one else in the family does.

Your wedding is a celebration, not an occasion to start a family fight.  Invite those you care about that those who care about you.