Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
HELP! What is correct?
First off, this is my first post and can I just say that I have been reading some posts and you guys are amazing!.
Anyways, I'm getting married on spring next year and it will be a black tie, classic wedding. My problem?? I refuse.to have bridesmaids! Some people have told me that I HAVE to include bridesmaids if it is a classic wedding but that is my biggest nightmare.
What's the etiquette on that?
Anyways, I'm getting married on spring next year and it will be a black tie, classic wedding. My problem?? I refuse.to have bridesmaids! Some people have told me that I HAVE to include bridesmaids if it is a classic wedding but that is my biggest nightmare.
What's the etiquette on that?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: HELP! What is correct?
Since BMs are one of those things people typically see at weddings they then start to believe that they are actually a necessary aspect. Not true.
[QUOTE]First off, this is my first post and can I just say that I have been reading some posts and you guys are amazing!. Anyways, I'm getting married on spring next year and it will be a black tie, classic wedding. My problem?? I refuse.to have bridesmaids! Some people have told me that I HAVE to include bridesmaids if it is a classic wedding but that is my biggest nightmare. What's the etiquette on that?
Posted by IsaPort[/QUOTE]
Those people are wrong. Bridal parties are never mandatory, no matter the style or formality of your wedding.
[QUOTE]I agree with all of the above. I will caution you, though, (and there are a few ladies who know the actual definition of "black tie" much better than I do) black tie is VERY formal. It's an actual thing, and most brides don't really have those, they just think they are. All the specific things that a black tie affair must have are escaping me, but a band (not DJ) is one thing and a plated meal (not a buffet) is another.
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]
<div>Exactly. Also, top shelf open bar and generally no expense spared.</div>
[QUOTE]Yep, black tie means true gourmet food, gloved service, live band, full open bar of top shelf liquor and name brand champagne etc, all me in tuxedos and women in full length evening gowns. To give you an idea, most White House formal functions and fundraisers with 500 dollar tickets are black tie. Most "traditional" or "classic" weddings are NOT. Black tie is a step above formal.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You were who I was hoping would pop in and explain further, because I've seen you do this before. I think brides just think "black tie" sounds fancy, but it's a real specific THING. I mean, there are informal, formal, black tie, white tie. Maybe some in between, but those are pretty different categories.
</div>
[QUOTE]Just to add to the black tie bit. OP I don't know where your from but from what I can tell people in my area (NY NE area) don't abide by traditional black tie rules.<strong> I can't tell you how surprised I was to find that I was the only girl under the age of 50 in a long dress to these events. Most other girls my age (mid 20-30s) showed up in cocktail attire. Clearly I was appalled but I just want you to be aware that even if you tell people black-tie they may not actually follow it.</strong>
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's why I kind of wanted to point it out to OP--some people may actually know what Black Tie means, and show up in a long gown and be ticked off because it's really not.
</div>
[QUOTE]I've never heard "black tie" requiring anything other than a specific dress code (tuxes and long dresses) and time of day (post 6pm). Where do all these other "requirements" come from?
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]
I noticed that you're from NJ. And I think what's happened in our area is that people started being more lax about the other requirements that make events black tie. In our area, it's become acceptable for a black-tie event to not have all the other pieces (like a band over a DJ). So our area adjusted first on those requirements. Now, I think people in our area are adjusting their interpretation of black-tie attire. I think that many people are starting to think if it's couture, then it's OK to wear to a black-tie event regardless of the length of the gown. This is why I ended up at this wedding as the only guest under 50 in a floor length gown and everyone else was in short couture cocktail dresses. I personally disagree with this interpretation of black-tie, but this has been my personal experience.
My wedding meets all of the definitions of a true "black tie" affair, according to the posters, but I still decided not to put it on the invitations, even though I would love if people were excited enough to go full out tux and ballgown. I left it off because I felt like, most people in our area (NY metro area) go to enough black tie events to know that it is not actually necessary to wear a tux or a ballgown to most. So I figured that most people wouldn't listen, but some would, and they might feel pushed to wear something or buy something they won't feel comfortable in.
For example I have some uncles who will be like schit, black tie, I need to go run out and get a tux, even if they don't want to and would be uncomfortable in them. I decided that it made me feel bossy. I also know that our invitations and my gown indicate how formal the wedding is, and if people are smart, they will know how to dress appropriately and to their own comfort level, given what they know about the wedding.
Other things can make your wedding have the level of formality you want without actually putting the mandate on the invitation. Just something to consider
[QUOTE]The wedding is a black tie affair... all above included and that is why I was asking whether I have to have bridesmaids.
Plated three course dinner, open bar, live band... I am having the whole shebang but someone told me that I should always have BMs at a BT wedding
Posted by IsaPort[/QUOTE]
I went to an incredibly nice black tie wedding at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills. The Bride and Groom did not have bridesmaids or groomsmen. It certainly did not take away from the formality of the event!