Morning-Of Groom and Bride events?

mlekitty

Let me give you a disclosure: we have no wedding party, our wedding is at a beach resort and could be qualified as a destination wedding (only groom's parents live in that city), most people are staying 3 to 4 nights, and our guest list will be only 50, give or take.  It was our idea that this would be more of a vacation for those who could make it.  People would be pretty much on their own except for one day-before excursion we planned for all guests willing, the welcome dinner that night, and then of course the big day following.  All the rest would be pretty chill and unstructured leisure time.  We have provided suggestions for activities and attractions.

Now the situation: My fiance's brother is facilitating the rental of a go-kart track on the morning of the wedding for any of the male guests who want to join.  We only invited our closest and mostest, so naturally, my man has no problem with this.  It will be kind of an expanded version of a groomsmen round of golf or other similar, traditional pre-ceremony outing.

Let me also say that I love this idea and think it suits my guy and his interests very well.  Rock on, future bro-in-law!

The issue is that I have nothing like this planned for the ladies.  Any of the significant others of the gentlemen attending the go-kart thing will be kind of left in the lurch without their own guy to enjoy their time with.

What should I do?  I was personally just planning on relaxing with my closest girlfriends (who are single) on the beach after breakfast, then maybe getting a mani/pedi and then get ready for the ceremony.  Should I try to coordinate something for all the "left-behind" females, or is it cool to leave it unstructured because that's pretty much how we roll as a couple anyway?

Thanks for your thoughts!

zippityb

Why can't the ladies ride go-karts? I like go-karts.

I guess you should all go do female stuff like getting pap smears.

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_morning-of-groom-bride-events?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37021e37-4b54-4246-8d9b-3cd6b21205e4Post:c390b10e-2419-4fd5-a542-17ff089350fa">Re: Morning-Of Groom and Bride events?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why can't the ladies ride go-karts? I like go-karts. I guess you should all go do female stuff like getting pap smears.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing the BIL who planned the event wants it to be men only?

mgietler76

ZIPPITYB that made me laugh. I love go-karting as well and don't see why you can't do that as well. Unless they're doing a "men-only" thing, than I don't know what to tell you because I don't know what's available where you'll be.

JessAndTrav

My brain shuts down at the use of the phrases, "My man" and "my guy"

mlekitty

Ha, ha!  I know!  I am kind of jealous that I won't be able to go.  We are mostly pretty untraditional, but this time we are keeping with the "no-see" policy the day of the wedding.  Pap smears!  Hahahahahaaaaa

danieliza1127

Yeah I see your predicament.  You might want to let the ladies know that you'll be having breakfast and then going to the beach if any of them want to join you before you have to start getting ready.  That way they at least feel included in something and have something to do. 

I wouldn't try scheduling spa stuff or anything, that would get too complicated.

tenofcups4me

I don't see any reason to plan anything official just because he's going go-karting. Just let it be known you're hanging out on the beach that morning and people will either join you or make their own plans.

danieliza1127

Also, this sounds stereotypical I know, but I think most people wouldn't expect the bride to be planning events with guests the day of the wedding.  I think most people would assume the bride is spending the day getting ready.  It's typical for the guys to do golf or lunch or something but I think it's less common for the girls to do this, other than just the bride and her bridesmaids.

ETA: Also, I wonder how many men will want to participate in the go-karts knowing their wives/dates can't come.  I know a few guys who wouldn't or wouldn't be allowed to go off and leave their wife with nothing to do, sad but true. 

baystateapple

Having been the +1 of a groomsman recently and not being welcome with the bride and her girlfriends...it's really awkward, I'm sorry, but it is.  Can you at least ask them if they want to come with you on the beach and to breakfast?  I realize you don't want anyone to see you before the event, but put yourself in their place.  It sucks to be stranded with almost nobody you know for hours.

zippityb

I think if I was a brought-along guest, I'd be more pissed that I wasn't invited to the go-karting more than anything else. Cause that's some of the funnest fun.

akhensley81

What if you and all the girls got manis/pedis the morning of? That's a fun girly thing. My MOH and I did that the day before the wedding and it was perfect.

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_morning-of-groom-bride-events?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37021e37-4b54-4246-8d9b-3cd6b21205e4Post:c86a6d7d-088e-4fb0-bbb5-9a230e3bed36">Re: Morning-Of Groom and Bride events?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Morning-Of Groom and Bride events? : That's a LOT of women to try to coordinate/make appointments for at a spa, or even a walk-in place.  It would take forever.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Good call. That would be fun, but a lot of work. You'd almost have to "rent" a whole salon for a few hours.

Hmmm.

Really though, I agree with PPs. If you're all already at a beach resort, there will be plenty of things to do.

Birdie1483

I would just let it be known that any girls who wish to join you on the beach are welcome. That will give them something to do for a big chunk of time that the guys will be gone. When you leave to go get your mani/pedi, some might be chatting with other girls and might stay on the beach or some might just go back to their hotel room to chill and get ready. It will take them awhile to freshen up and pamper too. They won't be completely left with nothing to do.

If there are any malls or beach-type stores around in the area, I might compile a list of those as well in case the girls want to go do some beach shopping.

FutureMrsTR

I honestly wouldnt' worry about it.  If H was invited to go go-karting, I'd be disappointed that I wasn't invited because I like go-karts, but I'd be just as happy to sit and relax on the beach or by the pool or in my room with a book by myself.  And some of them probably know each other right?  I don't think you need to be responsible for organizing a play date for everyone.  It's only a few hours and they're grown adults.

LuluP82

 Honestly, I don't get this at all-- why can't grown women entertain themselves without a guy for a few hours? it's really not that big a deal. They're at a beach resort. They can't lay out by the pool and read some magazines, schedule their own nail appointment or massage, work out or just chill in the hotel room? If it were me, I wouldn't expect to be included in any of your bridesmaid activities.

I take this kind of personally because one of my bridesmaids asked if we could include her husband in any groomsmen activities so he wouldn't feel left out.  Really? You can't leave him for a few hours to entertain himself?

ElleestJenn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_morning-of-groom-bride-events?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37021e37-4b54-4246-8d9b-3cd6b21205e4Post:690784a0-7e69-45de-9db0-5d98868eaec2">Re: Morning-Of Groom and Bride events?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, this sounds stereotypical I know, but I think most people wouldn't expect the bride to be planning events with guests the day of the wedding.  I think most people would assume the bride is spending the day getting ready.  It's typical for the guys to do golf or lunch or something but I think it's less common for the girls to do this, other than just the bride and her bridesmaids. ETA: Also, I wonder how many men will want to participate in the go-karts knowing their wives/dates can't come.  I know a few guys who wouldn't or wouldn't be allowed to go off and leave their wife with nothing to do, sad but true. 
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. If you are worried about the wives/dates feeling left out you can invite them to lounge with you at the beach that morning as other's have suggested. Or there might not be as many guys going if their wives/dates can't go. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

TheCranberry

I don't think you need to worry about inviting them along unless you genuinely want to.  They'll be able to figure out stuff to do for those few hours of the day.

andy71781

I went ahead and braved the work of organizing nails and hair for my bridesmaid and female guests.  It took a lot of work but I'm glad we did it.  By booking my 15 appointments for hair on the day of the wedding 6 months in advance I was able to basically rent out the salon for 2 hours.  They also brought in coffee and bagels.  It was really fun and I think it was worth the effort.

I think its nice to include the SO's of the boys.  Its not an independence thing - more like a friendship thing.

zippityb

If they're anything like me, they'll be so hungover from the night before that they'll just have to spend the day of the wedding getting their acts together in order to attend that night. I have done this before. Boot and rally.

mlekitty

Thanks, all.  I think my anxiety was based on my previous experience of being my fiance's SO when he was in a wedding party. I didn't know anyone else at the wedding, didn't know who to contact, didn't know the area, and it was just at an old quiet hotel.  I didn't feel unwelcome necessarily--just bored! 

I think it really will be fine to just let the ladies know what I'll be doing and where, and that they are all welcome to join.  I am so not into planning stuff for other people, and I feel like I've done enough of that already!  Hehehe.  And yeah, the resort will be way more fun than the hotel in the boondocks where I was. 

Thanks for all your input!  I am much less worried now.