Wedding dress code?

twotimemob

Let this one go - you do not get to dictate what people wear.

mkrupar

I'd be pissed if I bought a new cocktail dress, got all fancy, only to be served a 3 inch piece of sandwich from a 6 foot sub, or have to eat my tacos with my hands.

The type of food IS one of the elements that determines how formal your event is. I don't get why you want it to be all formal and fancy if you're not putting forth the effort in the food department. There's nothing wrong with the food your serving, but to expect people to get all dolled up and dress formal is stretching it.

Meegles4

IMO, tacos on the surface aren't formal food. And yes, food plays a part in the formality of the event.

Now, if you were doing some sort of strolling dinner with gourmet tacos as one of the options, then I could see it. But "gourmet tacos" aren't like Chipotle tacos. They have upgraded ingredients and presentation.

Also, the "light snacks" would make me think the wedding was more casual. Are you actually serving a meal or only snacks? Personally, a full meal (plated or buffet) is more formal to me than snacks.

fridaysdance

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-dress-code-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3746499f-34f3-4a68-a193-3e0883ca36daPost:4090f4e2-dc32-440a-8373-16b50d5a6c14">Re: Wedding dress code?</a>:
[QUOTE]IMO, tacos on the surface aren't formal food. And yes, food plays a part in the formality of the event. Now, if you were doing some sort of strolling dinner with gourmet tacos as one of the options, then I could see it. But "gourmet tacos" aren't like Chipotle tacos. They have upgraded ingredients and presentation. Also, the "light snacks" would make me think the wedding was more casual. Are you actually serving a meal or only snacks? Personally, a full meal (plated or buffet) is more formal to me than snacks.
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

It will be a full meal. I just don't have a changed copy of the invitation right now. It's on the computer at home. It will be a buffet style so people can get what they want from it. I understand that the foods I have listed are not normally very classy foods, but we decided on tacos/mexican food and then figured we should have other things people can eat, especially since several members of the wedding party have stomach issues and can only have more bland foods. There will be silverwear, actual plates, and table cloths, and centerpieces that are taking some serious time to put together.

I think, when done properly, any food can be as formal as you want it. I mean I love high end steaks and fancy desserts as much as the next person, but I was attempting to cater to what my guests would actually eat.

The decorations are very nice thanks to me spending insane amounts of time calling party stores, having friends who are wedding planners and offered supplies they had for free, and contacting wedding supply companies. I am not asking anyone to go buy anything new. That was not the point. I know these people have correct clothing. I was merely wanting to steer people in a direction if they asked because I do it all the time. If they didn't listen, that would be fine. I just know people get self conscious if they showed up underdressed and did not know.

Anyway, I'm sorry for causing such a stir.

KatWAG

I think you would cause yourself a lot less stress and anxiety if you just realized that you are not having a formal wedding.

And again. for the 100th time... there is nothing wrong with this.

edit: spelling

libby2483

I think that you need to trust that adults can choose the appropriate attire for themselves.  If they don't, and they end up feeling embarrassed, it is on them and not you.  

PPs are bringing up food because it does dictate the formality of the event.  I don't consider tacos and party subs to be indicative of a formal wedding.  Like many PPs have said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this food, but it doesn't reflect that the event is very formal, as the food generally matches the formality of the event.

For example, a couple of years ago, one of my cousins had a wedding reception in a back yard where they served pulled pork sandwiches and potato salad.  Her brother had a reception at an upscale hotel ballroom where they served top sirloin and bruschetta chicken.  The food at both was delicious, but it would have been out of place if the backyard reception served top sirloin or the ballroom reception served pork sandwiches.

Habs2Hart

Save yourself the trouble.  If people ask, tell them.  Otherwise, leave it up to them. 

Maggie0829

I'm sorry but I don't care if I was served a taco on a $2000 piece of china, it would still just be a simple non-fancy taco.  You can decorate to the high heavens to make your venue look formal but if you turn around and serve tacos and other picnic food your guests are going to be hella confused.

I get that you are trying to serve foods that not only meet dietary needs but that your guests will enjoy...I actually appluad you on that because I have been to weddings where the bride and groom only picked food they liked and they liked some interesting stuff.

But what you need to realize is that your wedding is not as formal as you are probably imagining in your head.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a non-formal wedding, in fact they are usually more enjoyable (IMO) because they don't feel so stuffy.

In the end, you can't tell people what to wear.  If they ask tell them what you would suggest but besides that there isn't much you can do.

I think you need to stop stressing over what your guests may or may not wear.  It isn't anything you can control so stop wasting your energy on it.

Matty143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-dress-code-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3746499f-34f3-4a68-a193-3e0883ca36daPost:c5632a37-83b5-4574-b97c-ae57f909ee5f">Wedding dress code?</a>:
[QUOTE]We have some relatives who do not know how to dress for a wedding. They would show up in their biker gear, Hawaiian shirts, and flip flops if allowed. I do not want them to be uncomfortable but I have put some serious time into making it a fancier wedding on a budget. It is all at our church but will look nice from what I have already put together. Would it be ok to put something like the following on our wedding website? <strong>Suggested attire: Men- Slacks/khakis, polo or buttondown shirt                            Ladies- Dresses or skirts would be nice but slacks are fine if you are more comfortable that way                            Bridesmaids are wearing gold if you fear clashing or matching too much.</strong> I need some suggestions. I know the people invited have these clothes so I'm not worried someone will not be able to afford it and feel so bad they don't come. It's not a black tie affair. I just feel like some of the people may need some guidance.
Posted by fridaysdance[/QUOTE]

This is ridiculous and very side eye worthy.
Please, let this go.

ETA: now that I'm caught up OP, time of day, venue and menu are the three things I would use to determine what to wear to an event. Like PPs have said, this is an informal wedding, and I'm sure it will be LOVELY but you just cant put a dress code on there. If you do, you will be the tacky one. Not your under dressed guests.

QueerFemme

Tacos are informal. Sliders are never gourmet.   Trust me when I say, you are having an informal wedding.  This is coming from someone who is serving mexican food at her wedding.  The only thing formal about my wedding will be my dress.  I cannot serve buffet mexican food (pork chile verde, chicken mole, rice, beans, etc. etc. etc.) and call it formal.   

Your ceremony may be traditional, but, your wedding overall, is not formal.  There is no way to present a sub sandwich, tacos and sliders that will make it formal.  

julibug86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-dress-code-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3746499f-34f3-4a68-a193-3e0883ca36daPost:fa770825-6013-4aea-8c59-9f78edbb308a">Re: Wedding dress code?</a>:
[QUOTE] I mean I love high end steaks and fancy desserts as much as the next person, but I was attempting to cater to what my guests would actually eat. Posted by fridaysdance[/QUOTE]

But you said you never eat chicken and steak at weddings! 

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-dress-code-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3746499f-34f3-4a68-a193-3e0883ca36daPost:a6f4265c-fe01-4f72-99bc-67daff2cda66">Re: Wedding dress code?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding dress code? : But you said you never eat chicken and steak at weddings! 
Posted by julibug86[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't call most wedding steak high end.

julibug86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-dress-code-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3746499f-34f3-4a68-a193-3e0883ca36daPost:60788cc0-0f02-43bc-80ac-42f356ec27a5">Re: Wedding dress code?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding dress code? : I wouldn't call most wedding steak high end.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]


Touche. 

englishemily

Hi OP - I say don't put any dress code info - the people who will dress appropriately will just be a bit offended (I have been slightly offended in the past by "Dress code - formal" as I would always dress "formal" for a wedding esp one in a church) and the people who will dress off the wall will just ignore it and and wear what they want.

If any of the church elders judge you on your guests attire that's their (the elders) problem.

If you want these people at your wedding you have to accept them as they are, biker gear and all. Dont worry about things you cannot control as you will drive yourself crazy.