S/O: Bringing gifts to the wedding

CCBelle

I usually give a check for the wedding gift.  If I was to give a non-monetary gift I would ship it directly.  I don't think we got any boxed gifts at our wedding...  in Boston, we tend to leave some space on a gift table, just in case, but not a big table specified for gifts.

JessAndTrav

In my area, people don't usually give a shower gift and a wedding gift. It's one or the other.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:375509c1-f326-4938-a2d5-5d4686af7586Post:960c6fad-8fca-49f7-be42-b4aaf57c63a4">Re: S/O: Bringing gifts to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In my area, people don't usually give a shower gift and a wedding gift. It's one or the other.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

This is true for a lot of people I know too.  One wedding = one gift. 

JessAndTrav

Which, may I add...I'm fine that it's that way. I'm not the GIMME A GIFT AT EVERY SINGLE PARTY!!!11!!! kind of person.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:375509c1-f326-4938-a2d5-5d4686af7586Post:960c6fad-8fca-49f7-be42-b4aaf57c63a4">Re: S/O: Bringing gifts to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In my area, people don't usually give a shower gift and a wedding gift. It's one or the other.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

In my area (or at least in my circle), we do 1 gift at the shower, 1 at the wedding, and possibly even 1 at the b-party. If I were invited to a wedding, I'd give a gift off of the registry at the shower, cash at the wedding, and a small gift at a b-party for a close friend.

Bubbalub

I had never heard that it was poor etiquette to bring a gift to a wedding. Around here anything is accepted: mailed before the wedding, brought to the reception, or mailed after the wedding. It's whatever is easiest for the couple giving the gift.

Ken&Cass

Every wedding I ever went to where I grew up in Arizona in a big Mexican family, the gift table was always overflowing. Also, I'm sure there are many people here that would be appalled by the 'money dance' that is customary of Mexican weddings as well. I don't know if it's a regional thing so much as a cultural thing, I'm still trying to figure it out. I have a card box (only because last time I didn't and my grandmother was freaking out someone was going to steal her card that had money in it), but is not entirely enclosed meaning that it's made out of metal wire so you can see right through it. I really don't care if any puts anything in there, but I was thinking of putting a few blank cards in it just so it doesn't look completely empty if no one does. I am sure there is someone waiting to jump on me and call me ridiculous, so I eagerly await your response.

Phoeber

It's the norm here for guests to brings their gifts to the reception.  We only had 2 gifts shipped to us, and traveled 3 hours for our wedding.  We also got more gifts than cash.

Ken&Cass

There was a Seinfeld episode on the other night about wedding gift giving... he was complaining about how you have to give an engagement gift, a shower gift, a wedding gift, etc. It was pretty funny. They all decided to chip in and buy a big TV for the couple's engagement gift and then the couple broke up the day after they got it and the woman took the tv and donated it to charity. HAH!

mmdpm

Seems regional to me, every wedding I went to growing up in MO had a large overflowing gift table with boxes and had a card box.  I had heard that it was more proper to ship your gift but also acceptable to take the gift.  It all depended on the couple getting married.

skippylouwho

I always ship stuff from the registry. I figure they registered for it they must want it. I have it shipped so they don't have to deal with it after the wedding.    I remember has a kid that bride's would display all the gifts they'd received, usually at their parents home but could be at their apartment and you would stop by to see what they got.  Usually shower gifts would be on a couple tables and wedding stuff on others. If you remember the movie Father of the Bride (with Steve Martin) they have tables with wedding gifts on them for people to look at.

tlv204

Never been to a wedding without a completely full gift table. I don't think I even realized that shipping a gift was an option until a couple of years ago when I finally started registry shopping online. We got about half money and half boxed gifts at the wedding, but the only shipped ones were from guests who declined, the rest were brought to the reception and ILs offered to take them home for us to open the next day.

I only ship gifts if I decline the invite or if I know the wedding is OOT for the couple. If it is local for the couple but OOT for me I still bring it. I had never in my life heard that it was "rude" to bring gifts. That's just silly if you ask me. It's a gift.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:375509c1-f326-4938-a2d5-5d4686af7586Post:afce6522-4f8a-4452-a172-c9cb1fa3f2bc">Re: S/O: Bringing gifts to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Banana, do you know the history on the "no boxed gifts" rule? 
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

The deal with this from an etiquette perspective is that a guest should not bring a gift to the reception because it creates an undo burden on the couple to transport the gifts back to a "safe" location on their wedding night.

That doesn't mean that if you bring your gift to the reception that you're suddenly "rude" though.   I also think that what you do here can depend a lot on where you are.

For example:  DH and I were married 20 minutes from my parents' home and the venue was in the burbs.   Everyone attending drove a vehicle or got a ride in someone's vehicle.  DH and I requested that my parents take their SUV just in case we had gifts so they could be loaded in the car at the end of the night and we'd get them the next day.  It wasn't a big deal (although we didn't have a lot of boxed gifts - mostly envelopes) and we picked up the presents at my parents' home the next day.

As a different example:  If DH and I were married in NYC where hardly anyone would drive a vehicle if we had the reception in midtown, getting gifts out would be a HUGE pain.  I've seen stories where even though the couple arranged for transportation for guests, with all the gifts, they had to get another vehicle which was a large PITA for the couple and their parents at the end of a busy day.

Aside from that logistical issue, there's the issue of gifts being misplaced or stolen.  At least when you send a gift to the couple, you have recourse if they never get it.  That's not the case when you just trust that no one at the hotel will steal it from the table outside the ballroom.

Now as a guest, it's just much easier to take out the CC and get the gift shipped in advance. 

bbyckes

Thanks, Banana!  I figured it had something to do with transportation of gifts.  You are a deep fountain of etiquette knowledge.

banana468

Aww thanks bbyckes!

tlv204

Oooh yeah, I didn't really think about it in terms of not having a vehicle in a place like NYC. I'm from an area where people buy cars before food and everything is 20 minutes away, so I guess I just didn't consider that.

ThePinkSuperhero

We don't have a car, so I'm really hoping people don't bring too many boxed gifts to the wedding!