Shower with a destination wedding???

aemartin21

For several reasons, we are having a destination wedding and then follow up celebration parties in our home towns. The wedding location will only allow for 30 guests so a lot of people won't be invited that could probably have come just based on space restrictions. Is it rude to still have a bridal shower? I know you normally invite people to the shower who would be invited to the wedding. I'll be inviting those people to our celebration party, but not the actual ceremony. I'm confused about what is appropriate here. I appreciate the feedback! 

Simply Fated

I, personally, would only invite those invited to the ceremony, but that's just me.

MattsPenguin

I'd say only a shower with the 30 people.  The other people may give you gifts at your at home celebrations, and I'm not sure about "double-dipping".  It may come off as extremely gift grabby.

tortis

Standard P&E question:

1. Why are you throwing your own shower? You shouldnt be hosting a shower in your own honor. If everyone in your family/ friend circle understands that you are having a small destination wedding and yet someone still wants to throw a shower for you, you can accept if you feel that is appropriate. 

2. Who is throwing the "celebration parties"? You? Same thing as above applies.

3. Are you registering? If you guestlist is only about 30 of your closest family/ friends, then I would assume you wouldn't need to register as everyone is already close to you and can give if and what they think is appropriate. (I know you didn't mention registries, but I feel like what you are getting at in the post is you don't want to invite people to a "gift -giving event" when they aren't invited to the wedding.)

danieliza1127

Tortis, I think you're a little mistaken.  She didn't say she was throwing her own shower.  Just because she said "I" this or that might just mean that she is making the guest list, which is totally normal and acceptable.  Whoever is throwing the shower probably needs her to tell them who to invite.  Secondly, it's perfectly fine to throw your own celebration party or reception.  It's not the same as throwing your own shower, which is not fine.

armartin, I think typically it's accepted for someone having a DW to invite those that will be invited to the at-home reception.  If you feel uncomfortable about it though, then just decline any offers for showers that you may get.  You'll get wedding gifts at the receptions so if you feel funny about the shower issue, just say no thanks.

hccpsu

We had a DW with only our parents in attendance, and a "regular" reception a month later.  My MIL wanted to throw me a shower, and I was worried because no one was invited to the ceremony, but because we had the reception, she invited those invited to the reception to the shower.  At least in our circle, no one gave it a second thought.  Whether that's because we had a formal reception with invitations/RSVPs versus a BBQ or whatever, I don't know.

redheadfsu

I think it is rude to have a shower and include the at home reception folks. ( Im having a DW)

superheroprincess

Personally I wouldn't have a shower at all.

My FI and I were in a destination wedding last year.  In total we spent over $5000.00 to be part of the wedding.  Also I had to drive 16 hours (8 each way in a huge snowstorm) for the bridal shower/bachelorette that I felt obligated to attend,  6 hours twice for dress shopping/bridal party wear, 6 hours for reception we were told we must attend.  I had to use 6 days of my holidays (I only get 10 a year).  I had to miss my cousins wedding because she didn't want me to leave the day after the bachelorette  so we can have a girls night (we did nothing).

Every situation is different but think about what your friends/family are sacrificing  already to attend your wedding and decide if it's really imporant to impose a shower on top of that.  You'll get a wedding gifts and probably get gifts from most attendees at your reception.  IMO a shower is too much on top of all that.

Etiquette says that only people attending the CEREMONY are invited to the shower.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38c0816d-fa44-4b5e-bb00-b6ba4a2f987aPost:75e042b2-4cdf-480c-a0e1-99b3702d3315">Re: Shower with a destination wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is rude to have a shower and include the at home reception folks. ( Im having a DW)
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Yeah. I'm also iffy on inviting more people to the AHR. People who are invited to the ceremony and can't attend? Great! Have a party at home. But "celebrating" with people who aren't even invited to the wedding rubs me the wrong way.

aemartin21

Thanks for the feedback everyone. You have validated what I was thinking. To clarify, I'm just developing the guest lists and not hosting the shower myself. My Aunts and cousins from my home town wanted to throw me something and when I hesitated, they offered to do a small lingerie type shower the night before the after-wedding celebration (since I'll have to fly in for it). I'm more comfortable with that than a traditional bridal shower.  Again - thanks everyone.