Shower Etiquette

Ballet513

Hi- My mom and MOH are planning my shower, which I am very grateful for. A few years ago when I was in graduate school I was a nanny for a family. I am inviting the parents in that family to my wedding, I am not inviting their children. We are only having wedding party children at the wedding. My mom saw the woman of this family out and about the other day, mentioned the shower and I guess they got into a conversation about the shower, the wedding and the girls I used to nanny for. My mom thinks it would be ok to invite the little girls to the shower but not to the wedding. What do you guys think? At the shower there will be 4 little girls there but they are all in the wedding therefore invited to the wedding. These other little girls are not invited to the wedding. Their mom is well aware that her children are not invited to the wedding bc my mom said she made a comment about having a fun night out at the wedding "sans children". My mom thinks having the girls at the shower would be fun since they mean so much to me. What do you ladies think? I know typically if you do not invite someone to the wedding they are not invited to the shower but obviously these girls aren't bringing me any gifts and may not even really know that I'm having a wedding/fully understand the concept. Obviously if I could I would invite these girls to the wedding, I love them but if I do that all my cousins will expect their kids to be invited and so on, you get the idea. Thanks.

Simply Fated

I love them but if I do that all my cousins will expect their kids to be invited and so on

Do you think the same will happen at your shower?

mica178

You shouldn't invite the kids to the shower if they aren't invited to the wedding.

Ballet513

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-etiquette-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3902db54-45c9-4931-be09-70e42df95e4aPost:233d0cbe-56bb-4c8e-8d71-7f33aacb573c">Re: Shower Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I love them but if I do that all my cousins will expect their kids to be invited and so on Do you think the same will happen at your shower?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>Two of my cousins with children are not attending the shower...we really aren't that close. If they were local they would probably make the effort to come but they aren't so they aren't bothering to make the drive. My cousins who are attending the shower have children in the wedding party so those children are invited to shower/wedding.</div>

TiffannieF

I think your gut is telling you the right thing which is not to have them go to the shower as well.  I really don't see showers as kid friendly in any place. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-etiquette-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3902db54-45c9-4931-be09-70e42df95e4aPost:d8e57583-51be-4b3b-be2a-3aed3ccf73ca">Re: Shower Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower Etiquette : Two of my cousins with children are not attending the shower...we really aren't that close. If they were local they would probably make the effort to come but they aren't so they aren't bothering to make the drive. My cousins who are attending the shower have children in the wedding party so those children are invited to shower/wedding.
Posted by Ballet513[/QUOTE]
I agree with KindaSparkly. You're inviting kids, when you said you aren't.
Plus, there is still a chance that the mom might think things are going to change and the kids will be invited to the wedding afterwards.

I dunno, I just think you're inviting grey into a black and white issue and could end up starting further issues.

mica178

Where'd my post go? 

Even though kids don't buy gifts, I still think you shouldn't invite anyone to pre-wedding parties if they aren't invited to the wedding.

Ballet513

Thanks ladies...you are probably right and I appreciate your thoughts. I'm bummed I can't invite these particular kids to the wedding.  

adktd2boots

I don't think kids need to be at the shower at all. 

Have you ever been to a birthday party for a child?  They're all about the gifts and wanting to see and trying to help.  What if someone got you a piece of lingerie?  Wouldn't that be embarrassing for the parent or kid? 

Ballet513

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-etiquette-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3902db54-45c9-4931-be09-70e42df95e4aPost:eb6f953c-638d-438c-abd5-56b224c9db8c">Re: Shower Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think kids need to be at the shower at all.  Have you ever been to a birthday party for a child?  They're all about the gifts and wanting to see and trying to help.  What if someone got you a piece of lingerie?  Wouldn't that be embarrassing for the parent or kid? 
Posted by adktd2boots[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I would be more embarrassed about getting lingerie in front of my mom/grandma/fmil to be honest, its not that kind of shower.</div><div>
</div><div>Other children will be in attendance (children who are in/invited to the wedding) 

</div>

Simply Fated

Hey Mica, you know how you asked what had happened to your post? Well, its the only post I can see now. copied+pasted Re: Shower Etiquette posted at 1/25/2012 6:15 PM EST on theknot.com You shouldn't invite the kids to the shower if they aren't invited to the wedding.