Wedding Etiquette Forum

Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid

My brother and SIL are graciously enough to have offered to throw us an engagement party, and we happily accepted. Now the party won't be until Sept, but we are trying to get a-hold of the date and a few plans now since I have a few siblings that live out of state that need to book tickets, and a cousin that will be coming in from Germany as well since they won't be able to make the wedding.

Anyways, we are able to have up to 50 people, they will be ordering tents, chairs, etc. Well my question is would it be completely rude to ask guests to not bring kids? We are already having a no kid wedding/reception, but since this party is being held in someone else's house, i feel it would be kind of rude on our part to allow guests to bring all of their kids. FI is very close with his distant family, and each of his cousins have about 2 kids each. Which again if it was my house, i wouldn't mind it so much, but not every child is perfect, and not every parent will be able to keep a full watch on where they are and if they have gotten into something, and neither will FI and I. FI's argument was, "well I don't see how they will be able to come without their kids"...but wouldn't it be the same with the wedding? I ran a quick list last night, with adding children, it was already up to 45 people, not including any of our wedding party (only reason WP has been chosen so soon is because they have all been friends since childhood, or family). Thoughts?

Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. -Bob Marley

Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guests-kid-not-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39810fe9-da45-4c3d-ac70-1448e39cb96ePost:da11a8ac-7be4-454e-a776-8bd22d29619e">Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since the children will not be invited to the wedding, they should not be invited to the engagement party.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
  • Ditto MilkDuds.  It's not an issue of inviting kids to another person's house (in which case you should just ask the hosts), it's an issue of including people that aren't invited to the wedding in a prewedding party. 
  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I think it's okay to have kids at the engagement party even if they aren't invited to the wedding.  I mean, as long as the parents are invited to both. 

    Really the question of whether there should be kids or not is a matter for your host to decide.  She's throwing then party, not you.
    DSC_9275
  • Before making any decision on your own, I would just talk to your Brother and SIL, since it is their house. I agree that you shouldn't invite anyone to a prewedding party that isn't invited to the wedding. However, some guests may already be leaving their children behind for the wedding, so they may not be too thrilled with having to do that for an engagement party as well (depending on how old their child/children are). So just keep that in mind, and don't be too disappointed if some people decline to attend.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guests-kid-not-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39810fe9-da45-4c3d-ac70-1448e39cb96ePost:0c2892c4-3b8f-48a0-9583-cde301fd1e40">Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it's okay to have kids at the engagement party even if they aren't invited to the wedding.  I mean, as long as the parents are invited to both.  Really the question of whether there should be kids or not is a matter for your host to decide.  She's throwing then party, not you.
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is not proper etiquette. You can't invite anyone to any prewedding party unless they're also going to be invited to the wedding, and that includes kids.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guests-kid-not-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39810fe9-da45-4c3d-ac70-1448e39cb96ePost:1c3c6154-91c5-4d4f-82d6-64bfa9e5896a">Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Before making any decision on your own, I would just talk to your Brother and SIL, since it is their house. I agree that you shouldn't invite anyone to a prewedding party that isn't invited to the wedding. <strong>However, some guests may already be leaving their children behind f or the wedding, so they may not be too thrilled with having to do that for an engagement party as well </strong>(depending on how old their child/children are). So just keep that in mind, and don't be too disappointed if some people decline to attend.
    Posted by Learox87[/QUOTE]

    Seriously, it means having to hire a baby sitter TWICE in the course of, like, a year. I think they can get over it. Or, you know, decline.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • jrkjpfjrkjpf member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guests-kid-not-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:39810fe9-da45-4c3d-ac70-1448e39cb96ePost:60f309a6-bdf3-4f5d-96c6-adf22723fdad">Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid : Seriously, it means having to hire a baby sitter TWICE in the course of, like, a year. I think they can get over it. Or, you know, decline.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Exactly. Plus most of those with the kids will probably cancel out at the last minute like they always do.
    "I have to make dinner, i don't have enough money for gas, etc"
    And besides, don't parents enjoy a few hours with other adults?

    Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. -Bob Marley

  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guests-kid-not-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:39810fe9-da45-4c3d-ac70-1448e39cb96ePost:7c314191-cf14-4912-a97d-b1ba8d6fbae8">Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid : This is not proper etiquette. You can't invite anyone to any prewedding party unless they're also going to be invited to the wedding, and that includes kids.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

    You honestly think a 7-year old (or their parent) is going to be offended at being included in an engagement party, even though the wedding is an adult-only affiar?

    I mean, I guess it really depends on the age cut-off for the wedding.  I wouldn't have a 17-year-old at an engagement party but not the wedding.  But for any child that is young enough that they would require baby-sitting if not invited, then I think the parents would rather bring them along to an engagement party if it were a kid-friendly event. 
    DSC_9275
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guests-kid-not-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39810fe9-da45-4c3d-ac70-1448e39cb96ePost:60a48e4f-beca-4a3e-852e-a1c2f63fa1c6">Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid : You honestly think a 7-year old (or their parent) is going to be offended at being included in an engagement party, even though the wedding is an adult-only affiar? I mean, I guess it really depends on the age cut-off for the wedding.  I wouldn't have a 17-year-old at an engagement party but not the wedding.  But for any child that is young enough that they would require baby-sitting if not invited, then I think the parents would rather bring them along to an engagement party if it were a kid-friendly event. 
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    I think it would be confusing. If my kid was invited to the e-party, I would assume he was invited to the wedding and plan for that.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guests-kid-not-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39810fe9-da45-4c3d-ac70-1448e39cb96ePost:2f164bd6-f524-4ab6-884f-764202375616">Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party Guests - To Kid, or Not To Kid : I think it would be confusing. If my kid was invited to the e-party, I would assume he was invited to the wedding and plan for that.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    <div>This was my reasoning exactly. The kid may not notice/care, but you can be sure the parents will.</div>
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards