is it obnoxious if....

embreen

so here the situation, my bridesmaid wants to throw a "little black dress" party for my bachlorette party, and i know right away that this is going to consist of the five of us sitting in her parents living room sipping awkwardly on wine and champagne (awkward because my moh, my sister, absolutely hates her. so in order to diffuse a situation where were going to be stuck talking to each other like that and honestlybecause i find that kind of party to be horribly boring and is not my style AT ALL, ive decided that i will plan my own bachlorette party. Now please keep in mind that i have a plan already worked out that fits within everyones budget and i am NOT asking them to pay for me. I have told them that I will be paying for myself since i have chosen the place and kinda dictating what i would like to. My plan is to go to a drag show where they have karaoke (my favorite thing to do drunk) and lets just say "fun shaped" cakes and hats and things. BTW my one bridesmaid who decided on the LBD party has not done anything to plan it, she hasnt spent any money or time on it yet which is why im bringing this up to them now before she starts spending time and money on it. Also i figure she is her sisters MOH for their wedding in septemeber and if she loves this LBD party idea so much she can do it for her sister cause that kind of party definitely falls into her sisters wheelhouse.

am i being obnoxious by saying, very politely, that this is what i would like to do and that i will pay for myself and lets just go have a good time?

hoffse

Sorry, but yes.  Planning parties for yourself, regardless of who pays, is sort of AWish.

CallaLily25

I think it will seem a little bridezilla-y of you, yes.

Kate61487

Am I the only one here who has no clue what the heck a "little black dress" party is?  a little black dress is attire; not a party definition. 

Yes, it's obnoxious to plan your own bachelorette.  If you don't want this 'LBD party' then turn it down, but then you don't get a b-party.

jlm9113

Am I the only one who can't stand when people use the phrase 'keep in mind'.  It's always a preface to some tidbit of information that the OP is SURE will make her blameless but doesn't.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-obnoxious-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39904318-5f45-4069-8c06-365063f03cf3Post:4315b2ee-2082-4c30-9284-2086ea258afa">is it obnoxious if....</a>:
[QUOTE]so here the situation, my bridesmaid wants to throw a "little black dress" party for my bachlorette party, and i know right away that this is going to consist of the five of us sitting in her parents living room sipping awkwardly on wine and champagne (awkward because my moh, my sister, absolutely hates her. so in order to diffuse a situation where were going to be stuck talking to each other like that and honestlybecause i find that kind of party to be horribly boring and is not my style AT ALL, ive decided that i will plan my own bachlorette party. Now please keep in mind that i have a plan already worked out that fits within everyones budget and i am NOT asking them to pay for me. I have told them that I will be paying for myself since i have chosen the place and kinda dictating what i would like to. My plan is to go to a drag show where they have karaoke (my favorite thing to do drunk) and lets just say "fun shaped" cakes and hats and things. BTW my one bridesmaid who decided on the LBD party has not done anything to plan it, she hasnt spent any money or time on it yet which is why im bringing this up to them now before she starts spending time and money on it. Also i figure she is her sisters MOH for their wedding in septemeber and if she loves this LBD party idea so much she can do it for her sister cause that kind of party definitely falls into her sisters wheelhouse. am i being obnoxious by saying, very politely, that this is what i would like to do and that i will pay for myself and lets just go have a good time?
Posted by embreen[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm with PPs. This is a bad idea. Not only is it rude to plan your own party, but it's rude to decide that you don't like your friend's idea and instead of tell her about it, take the party and planning away from her completely. 

</div>

jennyd412

Give your sister some ideas about what you want to do and let the bridesmaids plan it. My MOH had all kinds of ideas that I felt were too expensive for bridal party and other friends (Atlantic City, weekend on Block Island or a  Red Sox game)  My sister asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I like anything from comedy shows, to karaoke to night clubs, but that I would like to keep it in Providence so that as many people as possible can join.

Not sure how this will work in your situation because I was shooting down more expensive ideas and you will be sort of doing the opposite. However, I think you can give your bridesmaids ideas without planning it for yourself.

Viczaesar

Yes, you're being both obnoxious and inappropriate.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-obnoxious-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:39904318-5f45-4069-8c06-365063f03cf3Post:c705af86-ba51-448e-8864-d16c630a5cb5">Re:is it obnoxious if....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:is it obnoxious if....: Totally agree! It's like when someone says, "Not to be rude, but...." Or "No offense, but....." Prefacing a rude idea does not negate the rudeness of the idea
Posted by BartenderBW[/QUOTE]
<p>Oh, and did I mention... </p>

Summer2011Bride

You should not plan your own party. You can politely turn down the LBD party you don't want and if anyone else would ASK if they could host a party and what would you like, you could say you want a drag show and drunk karaoke.

OR you could just have a girls' night out to go sing karaoke at a drag place but NOT call it a b-party or make it about your wedding--just call it girls' night out.

nsweare

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-obnoxious-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:39904318-5f45-4069-8c06-365063f03cf3Post:1ed6c5e8-bf88-47e3-be01-6afae9df7210">Re: is it obnoxious if....</a>:
[QUOTE]You should not plan your own party. You can politely turn down the LBD party you don't want and if anyone else would ASK if they could host a party and what would you like, you could say you want a drag show and drunk karaoke. OR you could just have a girls' night out to go sing karaoke at a drag place but NOT call it a b-party or make it about your wedding--just call it girls' night out.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. It would probably be better if you not call it a bachelorette party. Although I was MOH in a wedding where the bride planned the bach party herself to make sure she got what she wanted and I didn't have a problem with it. Mostly because I love my friend and I wanted her to be happy and have what she wanted. She wasn't rude about it. When I mentioned the party she nicely said that she'd already been thinking about it and she wanted to do X, Y and Z. She then told me she already called about X and Y and etc..... It wasn't any skin off my teeth and she got the party she wanted. However, not everyone is as laid-back as me, so to avoid hurting feelings I would follow the advice of the PPs. Gppd Luck! :)

NYCMercedes

If you have to ask, then you're even questioning yourself. Your reservations are well founded.

cbrown828

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-obnoxious-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39904318-5f45-4069-8c06-365063f03cf3Post:d93332e5-5aa3-4fb5-a6ae-9850e5ced798">Re: is it obnoxious if....</a>:
[QUOTE]If you have to ask, then you're even questioning yourself. Your reservations are well founded.
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]


This.

I was recently an MOH and the experience was pretty awful all because the bride insisted on an over-the-top destination bachelorette and was quite disappointed when we couldn't make it happen. We also weren't very willing to make it happen because she began telling us where to take her, where to stay, etc as soon as she asked us to be her bridesmaidsand we all knew it wasn't possible financially/we couldn't take that much time off work. It caused tension throughout the process, and she and I harddly speak anymore. You may think you have an idea of what each BM's budget is, but you really don't know unless they have told you "I can spend XX amount." When I was broke early in my career, I was good at hiding it. I agree with everyone who said talk to your friend and try to come up with something everyone will enjoy. But please resist the urge to take over.

Simply Fated

I think it's fine to offer suggestions for what you want to do, but stop yourself short of planning it.

If you want to go to a drag show, by all means, go. Invite your friends, have a great time. But don't call it a bachelorette party because those you aren't supposed to plan.

Jen4948

Don't plan your own party.  It's okay to make suggestions, but someone else has to be the planner and hostess of any party that honors you.

ladyomnipotent

Why do you have two people in your bridal party that hate each other?

Loopyseven

You can't plan your own B-party.  Feel free to decline the party the BM is planning if you don't like the concept.  if you're asked for comment on what you'd like to do, as PP said above, you're more than welcome to respond with "drunk kareoke and penis cakes" but that's as far as your involvement should be... and the guest list within the BM's limitations.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-obnoxious-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39904318-5f45-4069-8c06-365063f03cf3Post:b5e88666-a074-48a7-bdd8-ac1092ef820c">Re: is it obnoxious if....</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do you have two people in your bridal party that hate each other?
Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]
Is this not allowed? Do all members of the bridal party have to be friends?

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-obnoxious-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:39904318-5f45-4069-8c06-365063f03cf3Post:b5e88666-a074-48a7-bdd8-ac1092ef820c">Re: is it obnoxious if....</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do you have two people in your bridal party that hate each other?
Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]

bcause liking the rest of the BP isn't a pre-requisite for being in a BP?  I presume she picked those nearest and dearest to her, regardless of their like for one another, which is what you're supposed to do.  Hopefully her friend and sister can put it aside for a day, but that doesn't mean it won't be a little awkward.

allychase

Yes, very obnoxious. Bachelorette parties are thrown in your honor. If it's you throwing it... well... that's weird.

embreen

ok so then ill tell them i have no interest in their bachlorette party and then ill just go out with my best friends and sister....oh wait thats my bridal party...so according to most of you this is ok as long as i dont call it a bachlorette party?? I mean im pretty sure my friends are rational enough to understand that what one of them is looking to do is not my thing and would be open to me suggesting this idea. Im not standing there saying we must do this, just that this is what i would like to do and letting them take it from there. 

Knottie_22387299

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-obnoxious-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39904318-5f45-4069-8c06-365063f03cf3Post:b5e88666-a074-48a7-bdd8-ac1092ef820c">Re: is it obnoxious if....</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do you have two people in your bridal party that hate each other?
Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]

<div>Have you never had say a friend from childhood and one from college that have nothing in common but you?  Have polar opposite  likes and dislikes?  Come from totally different backgrounds?  We all have those friends we do different things with.......your wedding and Bachelorette party are one of those times you want to have fun and have all the people YOU love in the same place and happy with you.  </div><div>
</div><div>Our weddings are a party we are planning for ourselves....isn't it?  Haven't any of us ever thrown a birthday party for ourselves?</div><div>
</div><div>If she is paying for it and isn't asking anyone to shell out for it, let her do what ever she wants.</div>

Knottie_22387299

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-obnoxious-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39904318-5f45-4069-8c06-365063f03cf3Post:b5e88666-a074-48a7-bdd8-ac1092ef820c">Re: is it obnoxious if....</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do you have two people in your bridal party that hate each other?
Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]

<div>Have you never had say a friend from childhood and one from college that have nothing in common but you?  Have polar opposite  likes and dislikes?  Come from totally different backgrounds?  We all have those friends we do different things with.......your wedding and Bachelorette party are one of those times you want to have fun and have all the people YOU love in the same place and happy with you.  </div><div>
</div><div>Our weddings are a party we are planning for ourselves....isn't it?  Haven't any of us ever thrown a birthday party for ourselves?</div><div>
</div><div>If she is paying for it and isn't asking anyone to shell out for it, let her do what ever she wants.</div>