In Lieu of Gifts

aar25

Hi All,

This is my first real foray into the posts here.  I have a question about my friend's wedding, who put on her invitations that "monetary gifts are requested in lieu of registered ones."  I know this is a huge faux pas, but I also know that the wedding is going to be small, with only close friends, so I'm not really too offended by this and understand.  Here's my question:

How much do I give?

I should mention that most of us attending are poor graduate students.  I would have had no problem giving her a $50 dollar gift, or maybe even a little more- But sending a check for $50 seems like a lot.  Or is it?  I can't say why spending the same amount for a gift is different than giving that amount in cash, but it is.  Any suggestions?

 

Thanks!

aar25

Actually, I don't think they even have a registry.  The gift card is a good idea though!

LittleBrownBird

Yeah, it's rude, but the damage is done. So mainstream etiquette aside, as the bride of a poor grad student, I know I'd be thrilled with anything I happened to get from similarly budget-strapped friends. What about a gift card for a store that you know they use-- a grocery or office supply place? It's essentially the same thing as giving them cash, because they would've sunk money into those places anyway, but it's not quite the same as writing them out a check. 

AbbeyS2011

That is rude to ask for money up front, especially when it is so eloquently written.  A couple should not ever expect gifts from their guests, and certainly not dictate what kind.  I am surprised she did not say she wanted $20s or above! 

This will be my 2nd wedding and FI's 3rd - I will register at a couple places to update some things for the household, but I will not put any mention of it in our invites.  I plan on putting it on our wedding website and will let family/friends know where we are registered ONLY IF THEY ASK!  I am not expecting anything, but I know how my family is about weddings - they love to gift!

As to your friend, give what you can afford.  Buy them a gift card to a restaurant you know they like or to a store they shop at often.  Heck, there is nothing wrong with a Target or Wal-Mart card!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39f4fd7c-72af-41c3-9f47-3e8bad1d5e5dPost:37efeccf-7212-42a2-8a36-f0585620be97">Re: In Lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, I don't think they even have a registry.  The gift card is a good idea though!
Posted by aar25[/QUOTE]

Then her quote doesn't even make sense.

I'd also give a gift card or a "night out" - restaurant gift card, maybe some wine glasses or a bottle of wine.

Celles

"In lieu of a 'registered gift,' I have made a donation to the charity of my choice in your name.  Best wishes!"

leah2b

Well, it was rude and totally against etiquette for them to do that on their invites, but it is now done.  And apparently, they want and need the $$.  I say, give them the $$ as that is what they will (as they blatantly mentioned)  appreciate and need the most.  And no, $50 is not too much.  

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:39f4fd7c-72af-41c3-9f47-3e8bad1d5e5dPost:9b827a0a-28ca-4823-95ec-699435806423">Re: In Lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, it was rude and totally against etiquette for them to do that on their invites, but it is now done.  And apparently, they want and need the $$.  I say, give them the $$ as that is what they will (as they blatently mentioned)  appreciate and need the most.  And no, $50 is not too much.   You don't want to know what is expected here in the NYC/NJ region.
Posted by leah2b[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but I don't think you can tell someone else what is or is not too much for her budget.  "Too much" is more than you can comfortably afford, whatever that amount is. 

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39f4fd7c-72af-41c3-9f47-3e8bad1d5e5dPost:9b827a0a-28ca-4823-95ec-699435806423">Re: In Lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, it was rude and totally against etiquette for them to do that on their invites, but it is now done.  And apparently, they want and need the $$.  I say, give them the $$ as that is what they will (as they blatently mentioned)  appreciate and need the most.  And no, $50 is not too much.<strong>   You don't want to know what is expected here in the NYC/NJ region.</strong>
Posted by leah2b[/QUOTE]
<em> </em>I want to know.  I wasn't aware there was an expected amount and I'm from NYC.

NF129

wow

bellebride116

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39f4fd7c-72af-41c3-9f47-3e8bad1d5e5dPost:fdc1db07-310f-4dd5-90a0-f7454291702e">Re: In Lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]"In lieu of a 'registered gift,' I have made a donation to the charity of my choice in your name.  Best wishes!"
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

<div>LOLOLOLOLOL</div>

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]"In lieu of a 'registered gift,' I have made a donation to the charity of my choice in your name.  Best wishes!"
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]
FTW!