Open and Closed Receptions

100176april

My delimma is that we want to have an open wedding, but due to our financial situation we cannot afford to have a large reception. Here is our thought....having a cookies and punch reception for everyone at the church after the wedding and having a dinner reception for close family and friends later in the evening. Is this appropriate? If so how will I need to go about inviting the close family and friends to the dinner reception? Please help....Thanks.

katiewhompus

No no no, that is incredibly rude. How would you feel if someone told you that you were good enough for punch but not for dinner? Invite those you can afford to feed or redo your budget.

danieliza1127

I think the only way to do this would be to have the cake and punch reception in the afternoon, immediately following the ceremony.  Then have a couple of hours in between that and dinner, so that it's a completely separate thing.  Keep the dinner very intimate.

I would send your wedding invitation with the cake and punch reception to all and then either do a special insert for those invited to the dinner or just invite them verbally/in person.  Be sure to communicate to them that the dinner is private, family and closest friends only, and not a "reception" so that others not invited won't be offended or feel left out.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-closed-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a1db662-86f5-4004-840f-b8a13d6d2fc6Post:55e38f75-c13c-470f-b3b6-f50bc4afbbef">Re: Open and Closed Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]No no no, that is incredibly rude. How would you feel if someone told you that you were good enough for punch but not for dinner? Invite those you can afford to feed or redo your budget.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

That was my initial thought, but cake and punch receptions are totally acceptable and anyone that has one in the afternoon is going to have to eat dinner later anyway.  So why can't they eat dinner with their family and closest friends?  As long as it's not the "reception" and she keeps it a totally separate event, I think it's okay.

redheadfsu

I would plan it as the cake & punch is the reception. Just have someone spread via word of mouth that an afterparty of sorts will occur for family only. Then after the cake and punch tell the people you want to join you where it will be.

twilight.rose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-closed-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a1db662-86f5-4004-840f-b8a13d6d2fc6Post:a001a472-9ea2-4ef2-8bb0-7362cc7dfbbb">Re: Open and Closed Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open and Closed Receptions : That was my initial thought, but cake and punch receptions are totally acceptable and anyone that has one in the afternoon is going to have to eat dinner later anyway.  So why can't they eat dinner with their family and closest friends?  As long as it's not the "reception" and she keeps it a totally separate event, I think it's okay.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]
I agree with this completely.

I balked at first. However, as long as you make sure the small dinner is not connected to the cake and punch reception, I think this is fine.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-closed-receptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a1db662-86f5-4004-840f-b8a13d6d2fc6Post:a8a2b5a4-e787-4faa-a4a8-efdbe77bfe45">Re: Open and Closed Receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the only way to do this would be to have the cake and punch reception in the afternoon, immediately following the ceremony.  Then have a couple of hours in between that and dinner, so that it's a completely separate thing.  Keep the dinner very intimate. I would send your wedding invitation with the cake and punch reception to all and then either do a special insert for those invited to the dinner or just invite them verbally/in person.  Be sure to communicate to them that the dinner is private, family and closest friends only, and not a "reception" so that others not invited won't be offended or feel left out.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Just keep it REALLY small. Like hey, you're going to treat your immediate family and really close friends to dinner because you just got married. Awesome! But it's not a real "reception."

Lisa8888

You shouldn't invite people that you don't intend on having at your reception. Serving cookies and punch is not appropriate. Sounds like a gift grab from all these people that you don't intend on feeding at your real reception.

You referred to the later dinner as a dinner reception. So you are planning on having a real reception after this cookie and punch reception.

Your plan is incredibly rude and tacky.

100176april

Thanks to all for the input and suggestions...our budget is very tight due to me having 2 children and my fiance also having 2 children. We plan on having the cookies and punch reception right after the wedding and the dinner later that evening around 6 or 7. Thanks again for all the input and suggestions.