Wedding Etiquette Forum

What to do about snarky uncle

My fiance and I are planning a destination wedding - and by that we mean its 5 hours away, where my fiance is currently living and going to school. We chose to get married the week after he graduates from his Masters program so that people can come to both and not have to fly back and forth. This is an email my fiance just got from his uncle:

"I've been wondering why you're getting married a week after you Graduate, and why is the wedding in SLO?? Most of the people that would attend are from Sacramento, and SLO isn't around the corner. If it were me I'd wait til the end of summer to get married not a week after I graduate. What's the hurry?? Not many people can stay for both events. I'm just curious that's all."

I'm so annoyed by his proverbial parade-pissing! Let me also just say: he is 45, never married, still lives with his Mother (my fiances grandmother) who is getting remarried herself in a few months. So maybe it is hitting him that he is losing both his nephew and mom - but still! I am so annoyed. I was on a high this morning from wedding planning, and that totally burst my bubble and made me feel like crap.

And to clarify, because banaa468 made a good point: only two people, fiances uncle and grandmother would be coming from Sacramento and possibly have to make two trips. The rest of the guests that would want to attend both events are coming from Malaysia and England, so our intent was to save them two rounds of International Airfare

Re: What to do about snarky uncle

  • I would let my FI respond to that one if he so desires. 

     

    Everyone has an opinion on everything when it comes to weddings. You won't please them all, so try not to let it get you down. 

  • Well, he does make a point that people who would be attending would be making two five hour drives just a week apart.  Not many guests would just take a week off - and I don't think you'd want them to.

    But how you handle it is up to you and you just need to practice saying, "We understand the concerns and hope you'll still be able to make it."
  • Well thats the funny thing - only his uncle and Grandma live in Sacramento and would have to possibly take two trips. All the rest of our guests that may want to attend both are coming from Malasya and England, so we are trying to save them two rounds of international airfare.
  • FYI, you should change your screen name. Full names aren't safe.
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  • edited June 2010
    I agree with Sun.  Your FI should respond if he wants. He certainly doesn't need to explain the reasoning to his uncle if he doesn't want to. 

    Your uncle may just genuinely be curious as to the reasoning behind it. I can see your uncle's point - SLO is not easily accessible, and coming from Sacramento means a long, not so fun drive or an expensive or long flight (I can only find flights that go through SFO/LAX/PHX, no nonstops). The hotel for a week may be more expensive than flying up and down twice in a week. No need to explain yourself here, I am just saying that it may be an honest question, not intentionally snarky.

    ETA: 20 hours of car rides or a few hour long flights in a week may be a lot for his grandma. I know my 91 yr old grandfather couldn't do it. For the international folks it definitely makes sense to have it closer together.
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  • Thanks everyone, for your feedback. My Fiance simply wrote him back and told him that our intention was to accommodate the majority of guests who are flying internationally, as well as from the east coast, and pointed out that the main people it would affect (i.e. having to make the decision whether or not to take two trips) was him and his Grandmother (who is excited about getting away to SLO for a week). Thats the best we can do.

    Also - check expedia! We were able to find great non-stop flights into San Luis Obispo airport for cheap!

  • I really had no idea SLO had an airport. ;-)

    He probably doesn't know about the international guests.

    And do people usually fly internationally to attend graduation ceremonies? I mean, other than possibly immediate family? I didn't even go to my own college graduation, so I'm wondering if that's really normal.
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  • Mery - I wasn't sure you could even fly SAC to SLO, but apparently you can :) Expedia is only showing 1 stop flights though.

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  • bel138bel138 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    mery, I was wondering the same thing. It was hard enough to convince my own dad to come to my medical school graduation 4 hours away, let alone distant relatives.

    This is your FI's territory. Why did he even show you the email and get you riled up anyway? He should have either ignored it or shot back at his uncle without even telling you.
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  • Yeah, I can't even imagine flying across an ocean to attend a graduation.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_snarky-uncle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3aa4f0cb-bc13-4cbc-b075-05689a849326Post:e2e11f93-3e6b-4f15-80f6-6d5e947f2cab">Re: What to do about snarky uncle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would let my FI respond to that one if he so desires.    <strong>Everyone has an opinion on everything when it comes to weddings.</strong> You won't please them all, so try not to let it get you down. 
    Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.  One of my aunts informed my mother (her sister) that we couldn't have an evening wedding because it was so inconsiderate to people who wanted to book flights for early the next morning.  She told us this AFTER we booked the ceremony site and BEFORE she reserved her ticket through the airline.  My mother kindly told her that she didn't have to stay for the whole reception if she was concerned about not gettting enough sleep.  FWIW, most of our guests are coming in from out of town and no one else had this concern.

    If it's not convenient for your uncle, he just won't go.  Don't stress too much over one person's opinion.  Take a deep breath, shrug it off, and move on with your planning.  Good luck with everything!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_snarky-uncle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3aa4f0cb-bc13-4cbc-b075-05689a849326Post:b239f1c7-6d63-4717-bf40-507b23de5889">Re: What to do about snarky uncle</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about snarky uncle : Agreed.  One of my aunts informed my mother (her sister) that we couldn't have an evening wedding because it was so inconsiderate to people who wanted to book flights for early the next morning.  She told us this AFTER we booked the ceremony site and BEFORE she reserved her ticket through the airline.  My mother kindly told her that she didn't have to stay for the whole reception if she was concerned about not gettting enough sleep.  FWIW, most of our guests are coming in from out of town and no one else had this concern. If it's not convenient for your uncle, he just won't go.  Don't stress too much over one person's opinion.  Take a deep breath, shrug it off, and move on with your planning.  Good luck with everything!
    Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

    You should have told her that having an early wedding would be inconsiderate to people who wanted to fly in that morning.
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  • First reaction to post title: kick him in the junk
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  • I'm kinda with Mery on this one. I didn't go to my own grad school graduation. None of my out of state family one flew out for my under-grad graduation, and they certainly didn't stay for a week. I'm not sure you're really saving anyone any trips, but I could be wrong, as I don't know your FI's family.
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