Responses to when are you getting married?

Glasshalfempty

Hi ,
Long time lurker, first time poster here.
Hoping to get some good advice to be able to answer the question when are you getting married?
My twin sister is getting married very soon and she'll have a tonne of family flying in for the event. People you see once every five years and don't have much in common with, but who feel like they have insight and input into your life anyway.
There are sure to be questions and while they'll be meeting my boyfriend at the events planned, I don't want to actually tell them anything. But I don't want to be rude either. Not worth trying to be funny and just pissing off people you rarely see.
Suggestions?

Glasshalfempty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_responses-to-when-are-you-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b47bafd-df2d-45c9-8f83-725662024647Post:57e1311e-2a21-4a3e-ac96-43c91cd43c43">Re:Responses to when are you getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you mean you don't want to tell them he's your boyfriend? I'm confused.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]



Oh no. I'm happy for them to know he's my boyfriend. I just don't want to tell them that we're thinking about getting married or anything. I mean we are but I just don't see the point in telling people now before we're engaged. Because next thing you know they will start saying "we'll I can come down for the wedding next summer" and things like that.

Glasshalfempty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_responses-to-when-are-you-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b47bafd-df2d-45c9-8f83-725662024647Post:e8fc3dde-f65e-4666-a6c9-c306744bf91c">Re: Responses to when are you getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you worried about people asking you and your boyfriend when you two are getting married?  "Oh, I don't know. Doesn't twin look amazing today? I'm so happy for her!" "Oh, I don't know. Isn't this bruschetta to die for?" "Why? Are you proposing? You're not really my type..."
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]



I like those! Just worried if I say I don't know, they'll think that means I don't know when he will propose. And I want to give out as least information as possible.

phoebeann44

I have a twin sister who is engaged and I was recently at a cousin's wedding when a family friend asked if my boyfriend and I are engaged. Although we plan on getting engaged after my sister has her wedding I just told them, "We're just dating right now, maybe after we get Tessa down the aisle I can consider my own wedding!" If people pry just say you haven't really discussed it and refocus the conversation on your twin!

phoebeann44

Or you could just say something like, "We've been working on this wedding so much I just need a break for now!"

Glasshalfempty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_responses-to-when-are-you-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b47bafd-df2d-45c9-8f83-725662024647Post:8ec2918a-78aa-43ff-926a-baa6814bb1a0">Re:Responses to when are you getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Or you could just say something like, "We've been working on this wedding so much I just need a break for now!"
Posted by phoebeann44[/QUOTE]



Haha, that would be funny if it were true. I haven't done anything for it.
I think just deflecting is the best option. Any information like "after this one is over" really is too much information. And I guess starts them thinking of a timeline.

phoebeann44

lol I guess that won't work then, me and my stepmom have been doing just as much as my twin although she has such severe social anxiety we're just worried she wont show up to her own reception, hence the, "we're just worried about getting her down the aisle!" I'm just super nosy now though and I was wondering are you waiting to get engaged because of things between you and your boyfriend or you and your twin? Me and my boyfriend are waiting because I didn't want to steal my sisters thunder and worry about being competitive. You totally don't have to answer if its too personal, like I said I can get super nosy sometimes!! and I understand it's not always appreciated :P

Glasshalfempty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_responses-to-when-are-you-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b47bafd-df2d-45c9-8f83-725662024647Post:36bb6232-4d0f-4b14-b4d6-e597eb7702c1">Re:Responses to when are you getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]lol I guess that won't work then, me and my stepmom have been doing just as much as my twin although she has such severe social anxiety we're just worried she wont show up to her own reception, hence the, "we're just worried about getting her down the aisle!" I'm just super nosy now though and I was wondering are you waiting to get engaged because of things between you and your boyfriend or you and your twin? Me and my boyfriend are waiting because I didn't want to steal my sisters thunder and worry about being competitive. You totally don't have to answer if its too personal, like I said I can get super nosy sometimes!! and I understand it's not always appreciated :P
Posted by phoebeann44[/QUOTE]



Oh no we're definitely waiting till its the right time for us. My sister wouldn't care if we had it close to hers or anything.
But we're thinking a lot later on. Like in a couple of years. Hence the not wanting to tell family anything at all now. A lot can happen in two years.

phoebeann44

Oh well then I would definitely just change the subject or say that the thought hasn't come up! Hopefully they won't pry too much after that.

Cortney1982

I'd go with the, "we're just dating". 

Usually though, when somebody asks something to me that is none of their business, I just give them a dirty look and move on.  Bitchy but that's what they get for asking questions like that.

scooterpie7

Just laugh it off and say something like "No, thats not on the cards right now" and move on. Its not a big deal, I'm sure you've dealt with this kind of question before. 

Simply Fated

I find those sort of questions to be inevitable. Sometimes people are being intrusive, but most of the time it's just them trying to make small talk. I've been dating my bf for over 7 years... questions like "when are you two getting married?" are old hat for me. I try answers like, "We're not in any hurry" and "We'll keep you posted" to be general enough to end the probing without giving away too much.

Barbiiieee

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_responses-to-when-are-you-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b47bafd-df2d-45c9-8f83-725662024647Post:36bb6232-4d0f-4b14-b4d6-e597eb7702c1">Re:Responses to when are you getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]lol I guess that won't work then, me and my stepmom have been doing just as much as my twin although she has such severe social anxiety we're just worried she wont show up to her own reception, hence the, "we're just worried about getting her down the aisle!" I'm just super nosy now though and I was wondering are you waiting to get engaged because of things between you and your boyfriend or you and your twin? <strong>Me and my boyfriend are waiting because I didn't want to steal my sisters thunde</strong>r and worry about being competitive. You totally don't have to answer if its too personal, like I said I can get super nosy sometimes!! and I understand it's not always appreciated :P
Posted by phoebeann44[/QUOTE]

I guess it might be different with your family, but my sister and I are engaged at the same time and IT IS AWESOME! Seriously, we are both excited for each other and it is SUPER fun.

AdeleDazeem

Strange.  If anyone has asked me and husband while we were dating when we were getting married, I'd look at them and say "I dunno.  We'll see what happens," and move along.

Sorry your family is rude. 

Carson386

I would definitely try to change the topic if you can. As long as you don't freak out on them I don't think it would be rude. Something like "Oh I'm not sure, doesn't TWIN look beautiful?" or  "We are waiting for the time to be right, how's work going?"

s-aries8990

I'm on team vague response&deflect. I've been with BF for nearly 6 years and I just look at him, do the eyebrow raise/shrug combo and say "we'll see" or "Idunno" and laugh it off.

gurrlballa10

I think you're over thinking the crap out of this.

[Deleted User]

We were together for 5 years before we got engaged. I usually went with a deflection that brought up other things they could ask because my family wouldn't have just gone for "oh, I don't know, how are you?" So I'd say things like "well, right now I'm just focusing on my new job/apartment/couch/cat/whatever." which would lead them to be like "oh, how is the new job/apartment/couch/cat/whatever?" and thus effectively switch topics.

Avion22

When people ask me inappropriate questions, I usually answer with "Why do you want to know?"

zantster

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_responses-to-when-are-you-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b47bafd-df2d-45c9-8f83-725662024647Post:f8071846-f301-478f-8fec-04250cbe4010">Responses to when are you getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi , Long time lurker, first time poster here. Hoping to get some good advice to be able to answer the question when are you getting married? My twin sister is getting married very soon and she'll have a tonne of family flying in for the event. People you see once every five years and don't have much in common with, but who feel like they have insight and input into your life anyway. There are sure to be questions and while they'll be meeting my boyfriend at the events planned, I don't want to actually tell them anything. But I don't want to be rude either. Not worth trying to be funny and just pissing off people you rarely see. Suggestions?
Posted by Glasshalfempty[/QUOTE]

Another way of deflecting is in response to a question like "when are you getting married?"  You can just act like the question was rhetorical and with a big smile say "I know with us being twins you can't help but think about me too right? But with (twin sister) getting married I am so happy for her and I love being 100% focused on helping her.  Isn't it great?  Isn't her fiance wonderful? Did you know he...(blah blah blah)" 

See, you didn't actually answer the question at all.  You just let it segue into something totally off topic.

stumpie3

I can understand this feeling - I agree you are over thinking it but I was not prepared at all and it was not fun! 

I'm a triplet and my sisters got married 5 years ago in June and August.  I was no where ready to get married but had a long time bf SOOOOOOO the question was asked multiple times a day by multiple people and again when I would see those people!  it was usually great aunts/uncles and their children who I saw once a year at the family reunion.  by the end of the receiving line for first sister's wedding, I was so angry I was just saying never - no hi, hug, nice to see you, etc.  I wasn't bitter I wasn't getting married but I just wanted someone to say how's your life?  or something

so at second sister's wedding, I was much better prepared and when they said "so when's your big day"  I said "I just moved to the big city and my job is amazing I get to see big politicians, they are actually smaller in real life"  it worked!  good luck! 

SJM7538

I got this all the time before we were engaged.

My cousin got married in February and three or four or my uncles asked my fiance - So, when are you going to make an honest woman out of my niece?"

And then at my sister in laws baby shower in May a friend of my mom's came up to me, took my hand in her hand and said "Oh I see you don't have a ring yet, when is that going to happen?"  Needless to say she didn't make the guest list.

Not only is it rude, but for me, it was almost a little but hurtful because it was a time in my life when all of my friends and my sister were getting married or having babies. It was like hey thanks for the reminder that I'm not engaged.

Personally I would say MYOB, or something like "We aren't sure yet, but today is about twin and her new husband."

KSerafin17

I would normally say you are overthinking, but I myself am a twin and I know that for our entire lives, everyone likes to make comparisons. "Oh, Twin A has long hair, why is yours short." .."Twin B is going College A, why are you enrolled at College B?" ... "Twin A got engaged, Twin B, when are you getting engaged" ... I think that being a little annoyed and/or anxious about this is normal when you are used to it constantly.

While I am the twin that is engaged, I know how it would feel. My sister usually just says, "Oh we aren't there yet, let's just concentrate on my sister for now" With a sweet smile. It pacifies people for the most part.

PS: Twins and Multiples will appreciate this ...Dont you love when people say you should have a DOUBLE WEDDING and get married TOGETHER?! ughhhh hahah

phoebeann44

In Response to Re:Responses to when are you getting married?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Responses to when are you getting married?:lol I guess that won't work then, me and my stepmom have been doing just as much as my twin although she has such severe social anxiety we're just worried she wont show up to her own reception, hence the, "we're just worried about getting her down the aisle!" I'm just super nosy now though and I was wondering are you waiting to get engaged because of things between you and your boyfriend or you and your twin? Me and my boyfriend are waiting because I didn't want to steal my sisters thunder and worry about being competitive. You totally don't have to answer if its too personal, like I said I can get super nosy sometimes!! and I understand it's not always appreciated :PPosted by phoebeann44I guess it might be different with your family, but my sister and I are engaged at the same time and IT IS AWESOME! Seriously, we are both excited for each other and it is SUPER fun. Posted by Barbiiieee[/QUOTE]
It was totally my decison, she wouldn't mind at all if we were both doing it at the same time but since we are twins we've always had to share every birthday and prom or major event so with our weddings it just made more sense to me to let her have hers and have the individual attention rather than do both at the same time!

phoebeann44

In Response to Re:Responses to when are you getting married?:[QUOTE]I would normally say you are overthinking, but I myself am a twin and I know that for our entire lives, everyone likes to make comparisons. "Oh, Twin A has long hair, why is yours short." .."Twin B is goingnbsp;College A, why are you enrolled at College B?" ... "Twin A got engaged, Twin B, when are you getting engaged" ... I think that being a little annoyed and/or anxious about this is normal when you are used to it constantly.While I am the twin that is engaged, I know how it would feel. My sister usually just says, "Oh we aren't there yet, let's just concentrate on my sister for now" With a sweet smile. It pacifies people for the most part.PS: Twins and Multiples will appreciate this ...Dont you love whennbsp;people say you should havenbsp;a DOUBLE WEDDING and get married TOGETHER?! ughhhh hahah Posted by KSerafin17[/QUOTE] Lol we have gotten this soooo much, since our close family knows that she is engaged and I will be too everyone keeps trying to get us to do a double wedding! It won't happen though, we have entirely different tastes and plans for what our dream weddings will look like!

AddieCake

I agree to just tell them you're not there yet or ask why they want to know and change the subject. I would be annoyed, too, though. It reminds me of times when I was single and people would say, "So why don't you have a boyfriend?"  as if it were some choice I was making. I would respond, "I guess I'm just unlovable." People are so nosy. 

Glasshalfempty

I love the vague response and deflect thing. I will definitely have to start talking about my career as well. Some of these people are like a dog with a bone though. They dont let things go easily so might have to go into a 5 minute monologue before they forget about asking again. Normally I would say I was over thinking too but the twin comparison is a real thing. I had enough why didn't you come back engaged after a recent overseas holiday with the boy. And that was just from friends! Can people just not go on holidays without a proposal expectation anymore?

bcbrown63

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_responses-to-when-are-you-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b47bafd-df2d-45c9-8f83-725662024647Post:c13e1ed0-b41b-46fd-b86b-b3f891e27d97">Re: Responses to when are you getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Responses to when are you getting married? : Agreed.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Third-ed.

erinlin25

I would always get this prior to our engagement for everyone knew it was coming... I'd just say "when I know, you'll know!" and change the subject

KellyBrian2013

I'm kind of b!tchy when people are inappropriately nosy, so it would probably go something like:

Relative: Oh, so when are you getting married?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. I missed where my boyfriend proposed.

But some of the other responses are probably better to go with than mine