In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing

waltzingmatilda13

On a vein from the kids discussion:

I confess that I feel like my parents pay more attention to my sister, because she has a daughter, than they do me. Last year they visited her in NY 4 times (a 10 hour drive) and me once (a little over an hour drive), including over Christmas which I couldn't attend. It makes me feel left out and not loved just because I haven't given birth.

I also confess that I know I'm going to be resentful when I do have kids and they want to visit all the time when they previously seemed to not care. It'll be all about the baby and not so much about me. This is part of the reason why we have already decided that when we do have kids we're not calling anyone until the delivery is over. Then I can have an hour with my new family before everyone comes to hold the baby.

crfische

I'll confess that I freaking love my nephews and niece more than anything in the world, but I babysat two of my nephews on Saturday night, WITH MY MOM, and I realized more than ever that I'm not ready for that. Yet. Or ever.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:79d625d5-eb6e-435c-b285-72ac0ba678f9">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]On a vein from the kids discussion: I confess that I feel like my parents pay more attention to my sister, because she has a daughter, than they do me. Last year they visited her in NY 4 times (a 10 hour drive) and me once (a little over an hour drive), including over Christmas which I couldn't attend. It makes me feel left out and not loved just because I haven't given birth. I also confess that I know I'm going to be resentful when I do have kids and they want to visit all the time when they previously seemed to not care. It'll be all about the baby and not so much about me. This is part of the reason why we have already decided that when we do have kids we're not calling anyone until the delivery is over. Then I can have an hour with my new family before everyone comes to hold the baby.
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

Awww!  That really sucks, I hate it when parents do that.  I understand loving your grandkids but it's not fair to be so obvious in your division of attention between your children.

I could see myself having the same issue with Noodle's parents if we spawn even though we live in the same state and his sister lives in Florida.  I don't know why, but I really think that they wouldn't be as into our children as they are hers. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:a6d3bf3f-df23-4ecd-b8c8-ee234e83080d">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]I confess (just to make cfas feel better, you're not alone) that I am small, but I still feel that I'm "fat".  I know that I am in no means fat, and it doesn't stop me from eating, but I constantly compare myself to others.  I'm 5'3" at about 120lbs.  I want to be 110.  A few years ago after my ex broke up with me I kind of went into a depressive state and went from about 125lbs to my absolute lowest of 102lbs.  I am happy at 105-108, because I don't "feel" fat.  Although, the entire time I was that weight all I heard was "You've lost too much weight, you're so tiny, you need to eat" and I hated it.  I just need to find a happy HEALTHY weight and go from there. (My FSIL and her abs don't help me case at all) Posted by SarahR11[/QUOTE]

I'm 5'3 and 108, and often hate the way I look. But at the same time, I've been down to about 90 (due to an extremely bad case of pneumonia) and hated how thin I was, so I don't want to lose weight. So I'm stuck in some kind of weird crappy body image stage that I'm not sure how to get out of. I think I  just want my muscle back, which I lost when sick.

barbie92

I'm going to hop on board the weight train.

I am 5'4 and I currently weight 105.
The past couple years I have had ulcer problems so I just didn't eat most of the time. At one point I got down to 98 pounds.
I confess I am trying so hard to get back to 102 because that is my idea weight especially for the wedding. I woke up this morning and weighed and I just feel fat. I don't want to but I do.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:54214cfc-1990-407f-9196-06639eb881be">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]I confess that the KPS about having a mother who has depression, and of having depression and afraid of being a shiitty mother to my kids, is mine.  I confess that I spend long hours with a counselor being afraid about it. I also "confess" that I PM'd LDY after she said that the person who sent in the KPS should PM her...and she made me feel better about it.  And that she is awesome.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

(((hugs)))  I also have this problem and spend lots of time with my therapist.  I think it will make us better mothers.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:1aeb5b10-34d7-49f2-a2f1-d5e102f09d07">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]Sarah -- My mom is already telling me that I'm too small, and it annoys me because I feel like I should decide what size is right for me. But then I worry that even if I get to the weight that I want, I will still feel uncomfortable. <strong>I just want to be happy in my own skin</strong>.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

I think this is what you need to figure out cfaz. It shouldn't be about a number on a scale or a pant size, it needs to be about being happy with who you are at any size. I don't want to necessarily suggest a counselor, but sometimes talking these feelings through with someone can help you figure out why you have them and ways to deal with them.

Meg1979

YES!  I totally meant that it's mature to realize what you want.  I hope that wasn't misconstrued.  It's really hard to discuss being CF with people and I get that reponse a lot.  "Oh, it's selfish," "Oh, you'll change your mind," etc. 

annakb8

I have problems with the weight thing too and I'm actively trying to lose weight now. I'm a healthy weight, but I've gained a significant amount since I moved to DC. And even though I really think I look fine now, and know I wont look that different if I lose 10-15 lbs, I am just captivated by the numbers on the scale and the sizes on my clothes. I don't keep a scale on the house on purpose because I know I would just get way too crazy about it.

Part of my problem is that hypothyroidism runs in my family so I am basically just waiting for the day my metabolism shuts off. I feel like I need to do everything I can to be thin before then because there just wont be any hope for me afterwards.

Birdie1483

I confess that next Saturday is the 15th anniversary of my dad passing away and for the first time in my life I forgot the significance of the date when I was planning my weekend. And I felt bad about it. Really bad since it's a significant anniversary. I feel like I should be happy that I forgot because I usually dwell on it and dread the day.

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:9966e855-52cd-4097-a1fe-a57b13c0141f">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing : Awww!  That really sucks, I hate it when parents do that.  I understand loving your grandkids but it's not fair to be so obvious in your division of attention between your children. I could see myself having the same issue with Noodle's parents if we spawn even though we live in the same state and his sister lives in Florida.  I don't know why, but I really think that they wouldn't be as into our children as they are hers. 
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

What sucks even more is that DH's mom and sister do the same thing. They drive right past our town to go visit his brother (who has a kid and another on the way) and won't even stop to have lunch or dinner with us. Like, I'm sorry we haven't produced spawn, but you can't even pretend to care about us? I think this is why we made the decision about when we have kids. It's out of spite, yes, but can they really blame us with how they've treated us?

pinkpinot

Confession: I FINALLY HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW CLOSE TO HOME AND I AM TERRIFIED BECAUSE  I DON'T WANT TO RUIN IT.

I currently drive 75 miles one way to work and this new opportunity is only 30 miles away.

Holy cow it's so exciting but I don't want to get excited because a lot of people are interviewing for it.  Do you know how much time I'd have at home now?  I can't even stand to think about it.  I'd actually be able to make dinner and do stuff after work. 

andy71781

I also confess that I gained about 10 pounds during the bar exam and I really want to lose it but I'm so bad at dieting!  I lost so much weight back in the day and now I can't deprive myself.  There are so many anoxeric women in my family and I know that they think I'm so fat (5'4 130) and would be disgusted to have my body so it makes me really anxious to start thinking of myself as somebody who needs a diet.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:8c04a7e4-58dc-442f-a64e-0db11217f706">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]the one about being selfish and immature bothered me too.  what's selfish?  bringing a child into this fucked up world?  like really?  i have plenty of reasons for not wanting them.  and i have some for having them.  i just haven't picked a side yet.  but you bet your ass i see both.  immature why?  because i like to have a social life?  because i like to travel?  because i like the fact that i don't have to rush home from work to care for a child? 
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

Agree.  Having kids is not for everyone.  My BIL and SIL don't want kids and that's their choice; they enjoy their lifestyle and freedom. I would love for Baby Bee to have cousins on both sides of her family, but I commend them for knowing what they want (or don't want in this case) and sticking to it, regardless of family pressure (read MIL).  That is much more mature of a decision than doing something because "you're supposed to".   My SIL was so happy to find out we wanted kids because my MIL could start hounding us instead of them. ;-)

baystateapple

I hope so, Andy.  That's what H says.  His father is an absentee father and he shrugs it off and says at least he knows what kind of parent NOT to be.

Birdie: *HUGS*

[Deleted User]

Also, I confess that I blame my cat for me being worried over weight numbers. We have a scale, but had it tucked back into the corner and I NEVER used it, never knew how much I weighed. Then Whisky got sick and I have to weigh him at least once a week to make sure he's gaining and not losing again. To do so, I weigh myself first, then with him. Since I've been doing that, I can't get it out of my head.

Along those lines, I've been depressed ever since Whisky got sick. It gets worse when I see how much he has changed, has no energy, sleeps all the time, doesn't play anymore, etc. I've managed to accept he probably won't make it to the end of the year, but realized I need to find a better way of coping in the meantime because this just isn't healthy. I have an unhealthy attachment to my cat.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:ea1b94d8-12a4-4e6f-89f6-f32d652751b7">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]I confess that I am super excited for my best friend that is due in August, I can't wait to be an aunt (and godmother)!! And that I am really not that excited for FSIL (FI's Brother & wife) that are due in June. I feel like it makes me a bad person because I'm not as excited for them as I am for my BFF.  I just don't like them so it makes it really hard....
Posted by sarahmi5308[/QUOTE]

<div>FI and I are going through something similar.  His sister had a baby last February, and we love the kid (obviously), but we never see her.  And her mom has made all sorts of questionable decisions in the past that made it hard for me to be excited about her pregnancy.</div><div>
</div><div>FI's cousin/BFF and his wife had some trouble conceiving, and they just had their baby three weeks ago.  I was infinitely happier for them, mainly because I knew how much they wanted their baby.  That kid was planned from the very beginning.</div><div>
</div><div>We see them several times a week, and I got to hold their son less than half an hour after he was born.  I'm not a kid person, but when I saw him for the first time, this overwhelming feeling of love came over me.  I had this instant thought that I would do anything for this child, that I would die for him.  It totally freaked me out.</div><div>
</div><div>Then it made me feel guilty because I never had warm fuzzy thoughts for FSIL.  Yes, I love her kid, but the feelings for our friends' child are so much stronger.</div>

RobotLegs

Anna- you're not screwed if you do have hypothyroidism.  When it's controlled with meds, you're just like anyone else- so weight is only a problem if it's uncontrolled.

HappinessByTheKilowatt

I confess that reading about all the moms who have depression has me questioning what kind of mom I will be in the future. I really want kids, but between my physical struggles (arthritis and fibromyalgia) and my depression and anxiety, I fear that even if I am a great mom, they will inherit some of this stuff from me and that would break my heart. Even though I am doing great right now, I fear that the time will come when I am not again, and that's a really scary concept. I would hate to be a bad mother.

crfische

This one time? I thought my metabolism got lost? Then I realized that I was just happy and had someone who loved me unconditionally and I just let myself go.

And go.

and go.

annnnddd goooooooooooo... and then I discovered that big dinners and wine and pizza and beer were not the most appropriate diet foods. Oopy.

I'm not at my ideal weight YET, but I feel SO much better about myself and how I look. I'll get there. I know I will.

baystateapple

Aww, Seshat   I don't think it's an unhealthy attachment at all.  I was absolutely devastated when I lost my guinea pig, and a lot of people thought I was crazy.  They're your "babies" though, you know? 

H has a ridiculous attachment to "his" cat (they're all ours now, but it was his cat before we met), and even though the cat is only 4 years old and in good health for now (knock on wood), I dread the day we lose him.  I can't imagine what I'll be able to do to comfort H.

Birdie1483

I know I'm doing it wrong, but whoever wrote that KPS about being immature can suck a fat one. I don't think it makes me immature to realize that I AM selfish and really enjoy our lifestyle right now. I like having the ability to get schwasted at a bar after a bad day at work and not have to worry about getting home to a kid. I like still enjoying ME time and not having my life revolve around a baby. I want it some day, but not right now.

Sorry I'm kind of cranky right now. I'm slammed at work.

annakb8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:a3bea22c-59f9-460d-8d1e-e4631396bdf3">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]Anna- you're not screwed if you do have hypothyroidism.  When it's controlled with meds, you're just like anyone else- so weight is only a problem if it's uncontrolled.
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]

My mom has been on meds for probably about 15 years and she can't lose weight. She isn't that big now, because she was pretty thin to start with, but even with meds she is exhausted all the time and can't drop an ounce to save her life. She's tried to get the meds adjusted buy the doctors just tell her she is getting the right dosage and send her on her way. It freaks me out.

ETA: I don't mean to say the meds don't work for a lot of people, just that my mom's experience scares me.

barbie92

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:6b6d65e6-56b9-4893-b73c-860bed2ac243">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]I confess that reading about all the moms who have depression has me questioning what kind of mom I will be in the future. I really want kids, but between my physical struggles (arthritis and fibromyalgia) and my depression and anxiety, I fear that even if I am a great mom, they will inherit some of this stuff from me and that would break my heart. Even though I am doing great right now, I fear that the time will come when I am not again, and that's a really scary concept. I would hate to be a bad mother.
Posted by HappinessByTheKilowatt[/QUOTE]

I know what you mean. I am starting to worry about that too.

maratea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:a8e347f2-bf74-4842-8ae2-1c2971cfb983">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I confess that I blame my cat for me being worried over weight numbers. We have a scale, but had it tucked back into the corner and I NEVER used it, never knew how much I weighed. Then Whisky got sick and I have to weigh him at least once a week to make sure he's gaining and not losing again. To do so, I weigh myself first, then with him. Since I've been doing that, I can't get it out of my head. Along those lines, I've been depressed ever since Whisky got sick. It gets worse when I see how much he has changed, has no energy, sleeps all the time, doesn't play anymore, etc. I've managed to accept he probably won't make it to the end of the year, but realized I need to find a better way of coping in the meantime because this just isn't healthy. <strong>I have an unhealthy attachment to my cat.</strong>
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]
No, it just means you love your cat and you are a good owner.

My confession: Our dog has a pretty bad limp in her left shoulder, so we took her to the vet to see what's going on. He couldn't tell from an external exam, so we'll probably have to take her in so he can do x-rays. He also told us it was likely that she'll need to see an orthopedic surgeon to have whatever damage it is repaired. And I know it's going to be thousands and thousands of dollars, but I love that stupid dog enough that I'm willing pay that much if it means her feeling better and not limping and me having to giving up certain luxuries for a while.

[Deleted User]

Birdie, I'm sorry about your dad. *E-hugs*

Pink, I don't know how you make that commute every day. The gas would bankrupt me. Good luck on your interview!

Bay, one of H's customers is a therapist. He's like 80 years old and loves to talk to H about any and everything. He mentioned once that one of his specialties is therapy for people who lost their pets, and at the time H and I kind of laughed it off. Now, I'm seeing the value.

pinkpinot

I know cfa!  I have the commute from hell.  But I make great money here but I'm over it.  I want more time not more money at this point in my life. 

And you know what else?  I am terrified about the radioactive iodine from Japan that has been found in the rainwater in PA.  I don't care how many experts say it won't harm me.  I worry about the dogs drinking the rain water and somehow contaminating the drinking water.  I've been taking a Kelp supplement for a few weeks now to keep my thyroid filled with good iodine so it won't absorb the bad.  ::puts on tin foil hat::

RobotLegs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:61ccf238-43b5-401a-a062-7f4bcff9f323">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing : My mom has been on meds for probably about 15 years and she can't lose weight. She isn't that big now, because she was pretty thin to start with, but even with meds she is exhausted all the time and can't drop an ounce to save her life. She's tried to get the meds adjusted buy the doctors just tell her she is getting the right dosage and send her on her way. It freaks me out.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

Sounds like she needs a new endocrinologist.  My mom has severe hypo and she is thin.  She even quit smoking in between and lost weight after that.  (And trust me, our family's genetics do not tend to the thin side)

HappinessByTheKilowatt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:274ff66d-7668-4a47-8322-fd946d1ed216">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]I know cfa!  I have the commute from hell.  But I make great money here but I'm over it.  I want more time not more money at this point in my life.  And you know what else?  I am terrified about the radioactive iodine from Japan that has been found in the rainwater in PA.  I don't care how many experts say it won't harm me.  I worry about the dogs drinking the rain water and somehow contaminating the drinking water.  I've been taking a Kelp supplement for a few weeks now to keep my thyroid filled with good iodine so it won't absorb the bad.  ::puts on tin foil hat::
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

I used to make a similar commute up the Parkway and 287.

I had to find a new job when I started crying in the morning at the thought of having to do it again, haha.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

scottswife1106

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honor-of-kps-returningconfessionsthe-ones-dont-mind-people-knowing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bd171c7-a7bb-4eba-9dd4-2dcca46c7613Post:b487e68e-168a-4f65-9d34-a39c8be31bca">Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing</a>:
[QUOTE]::major hugs to Bay:: My sorta confession is that I realized on Monday that I have a really horrible body image. I knew it wasn't great, but it's totally skewed. I was watching DWTS and I remember thinking that one of the professional dancers (I can't remember which one) looked really big. And then I realized that I wanted to look like the supermodel who probably only weighs 110 pounds and is 5'11". That is a totally unrealistic goal for me (considering I'm 5'6"-- heh heh). The only problem is I don't know how to make myself feel better about how I look. On a lighter note -- I confess that, even though they screwed up royally last week, <strong>I am looking forward to seeing American Idol last night because I really just want to see Stefano go home. Can't stand him.
</strong>Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

My H said last week that he wasn't watching it anymore because Pia went home. This morning he said that he wants to watch it so that he can see Stefano go home this week. Last week, I could have cried!


ETA: Kiki, I feel the same way about about planning another wedding. I loved planning mine and I wish I could do planning full time. Hey, a girl can always wish.