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WWED?

Of course, after I come out of lurking, I end up with an issue. 

So What Would Etiquette Do?

My mother offered to throw a family bridal shower for me.  I accepted and sent her a guest list.  Her family is huge, and for a number of reasons, we have not all been in contact in the last few years.

The shower will be at my aunt's home.  My aunt created a Facebook event (I am not on Facebook, so I was told about this after the fact) and invited family that I did not have on my invite list.  Specifically cousins. 

I told my mother tonight that she needs to address this with aunt and with said family that were told about the shower through Facebook (no invites have gone out).  I told her that people would get their feelings hurt that they were good enough to give me a gift, but not good enough to see me get married.  She laughed and said that she was sure that some people would feel like they should be invited to the wedding and just show up...  Invited or not.

I told her that would be awkward for them when they had no chair or food. 

Is there anything else that I should do to address the situation as far as the shower information?  I know that short of security I can't keep people out of the wedding. 

Inviting the cousins is out of the question.  I agree about inviting in circles and this would increase our guest list by 25%.

Re: WWED?

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c57b03b-9911-4b4b-b205-7b789d5bc327Post:229a5b87-c4fb-4748-a577-058ab35da195">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your Aunt created this problem, and it is up to her to solve it.  It was her mistake.  She needs to contact the cousins and explain that you are having a small wedding with a very limited guest list.  She should apologize for her mistake.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]


    This. Ugh. Sorry this happened.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c57b03b-9911-4b4b-b205-7b789d5bc327Post:11788edd-538e-4136-b840-998f4fe13c75">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, if the hostess invited people to your shower without your consent, the faux pas is really on her.  How far along into planning this thing are the hostesses? Is it possible to decline the shower and skip the whole thing? It sucks and it's embarrassing but aside from declining the shower altogether, there's not much you can do if the hostesses are disregarding your wishes.  What you need to do is be diligent about the details of your wedding so that extra people don't show up and cause headaches (or worse case scenario, be over capacity and involve the fire marshall or something). Tell auntie dearest that you'd appreciate if she kept wedding details off the internet as you have limited seating.  You should explain to your mom that if uninvited people show up, they will not have a chair, will not have food and could possibly be escorted out by staff.  These people will be embarrassed and offended and SHE will look bad as a result. F<strong>or your RSVP cards, make them crystal clear with regards to who is invited (list guests by name</strong>, say how many seats are reserved in their honor). Hopefully that sinks in and your mom will lose the "more the merrier" attitude.
    Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

    This part has already been done.  Thank goodness I had the foresight to do that. 

    The shower isn't so far along as I know that I have one out of state family member that has already purchased a plane ticket to come in for the shower.  My bridal party has scheduled my bachelorette party for that night.  I know family members on FI's side have already purchased gifts for the shower. 

    I think a nice heart to heart with auntie dearest is in order.  I think it's difficult for them since I'm having a "fancy" wedding.  By fancy, I mean not in aunt's backyard.  In fact, I have a cousin getting married there in a few weeks.  No tent.  No chairs.  Potluck.  So generally that side of family is the more the merrier.  *sigh*
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c57b03b-9911-4b4b-b205-7b789d5bc327Post:6e33d5ac-8bc1-4dcc-9219-006f2e85b782">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWED? : No tent.  No chairs.  Potluck.  So generally that side of family is the more the merrier.  *sigh*
    Posted by ELM12345[/QUOTE]


    Oh, my.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c57b03b-9911-4b4b-b205-7b789d5bc327Post:9fa3763d-efa4-413d-8ec5-0382aff84f7c">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWED? : Oh, my.
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    Indeed.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c57b03b-9911-4b4b-b205-7b789d5bc327Post:9d0bf48b-2178-4943-bbe6-d0a23812da70">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWED? : Indeed.
    Posted by cbrown828[/QUOTE]

    I'm just glad I came along to break the cycle. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c57b03b-9911-4b4b-b205-7b789d5bc327Post:8f71dc51-c4b5-41bb-b2f2-a1058f6d8031">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWED? : I'm just glad I came along to break the cycle. 
    Posted by ELM12345[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hopefully at least a few people will realize that your idea of what hosting entails (like, you know, chairs and refreshments) is a vast improvement to theirs.  I can see how somebody would think a no-chairs, no-food wedding would be the more the merrier but knowing yours is not and still inviting people without checking to see who is on the guest list is crazy!</div><div>
    </div><div>Like the PPs said, your best bet is to let your aunt deal with this mess.  If it was only a couple people being added to your guest list maybe you could deal with them, but 20% is ridiculous.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Also the bride, mother of the bride or the FMIL is not supposed to be planning or hosting the bridal shower. Anybody else can.
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    "mother of the bride or the FMIL is not supposed to be planning or hosting the bridal shower. Anybody else can."

    Really?
    I understand the Bride and groom, but I don't see why the parents of the bride and groom can't plan or participate in the planning? My parents and FMIL are very hands off with our wedding, but if my mom or future mom in law  want to throw a shower I will not stop them
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    From what I've seen on these boards some think it's okay, some think it's great, some think that it's still taboo. In my circle, it is customary. But that may just be the south for you.
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    I like your take on the subject ELM12345!

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    In Response to Re:WWED?:[QUOTE]I like your take on the subject ELM12345! Posted by Amyzen83[/QUOTE]

    Thank you Amyzen!
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