Rehearsal Dinner

StefffiC

I have a question about the rehearsal dinner. Traditionally it's for out of town family and the bridal party, correct?

The bridal party is the best man and MOH. Most of the guests are out of town. The in town guests are mainly my 'barn family' or people who board their horses with mine. My MOH is the barn owner and my best friend.

I'm considering having the rehearsal dinner at the barn as a cookout. MOH's husband is a wonderful cook with the grill and inviting all of the family, the bridal party, and the barn people.

Is there any issue with including more than the 'traditional' family? MIL seems to want just family, but I can't have the dinner at the barn and not include my friends and we can afford much better food this way than we can if we go to a restaurant or have it catered.

The other reason I want it to be at the barn is that MOH and her husband will need to be there to care for the farm, so having the dinner elsewhere would burden them. The barn is a huge part of our life and I think it would be interesting to have it here.

Am I off base? We have very few restaurants in our little town and the barn is central between our house, the hotels, and his mom.

(the pony also said that carrot cake is traditional rehearsal dinner dessert, but I think she made that up because she likes it!)

I am also trying to figure this out because I'm putting it in the budget. If we do restaurant or catered it's going to be $$$$, if the barn cookout will workout we can do it for far less money.

Avion22

We had a casual RD picnic at a public park picnic shelter and invited everyone (literally every guest except my parents were from OOT).  It was awesome -- everyone got to meet and chill out in a relaxed setting where the kids could run around and play.  We got more time to hang out with our guests.   

aragx6

We went back and forth on this for so long that it ended up that we'll be doing an intimate rehearsal dinner on Thursday and a big welcome barbecue on Friday. There's no right or wrong answer here -- as long as you're hosting it and you treat your guests well, you can do whatever you like.

Meegles4

Who's paying for it/hosting it? You mention your FMIL, and if she is and she wants to keep it to family, then you need to honor that, or decline her offer to host.

If you/your FI are paying/hosting then I think you can invite whomever you want. I think the barn sounds fun, personally! I'd probably hesitate to invite OOT people, especially if the wedding is mostly OOTs because then you're basically doing 2 receptions. But that's just my opinion, if you want it, go for it!

hoffse

Ditto PP's about your MOH's husband cooking - that can be a big burden.  If he has offered, then you keep the guestlist to whoever you want as long as everybody involved in the rehearsal is invited.  That is, unless somebody else is paying for it, then they have a say.

I like the barn idea in theory.  I have a question in practicality though, since you say that these are active stables.  I used to ride, and some barns are more... odiferous... than others.  Do they have a barn that is basically free of animals, like some rustic professional venues offer, or would this barn require mucking?  Because even if horse people don't always notice the smell of leather and horse droppings, I guaranee your guests will.

StefffiC

Yes, MOH has offered to cook. They host a cookout about once a month for 50 - 70 and we all pitch in and split the meat. We would have the sides/fixin's/etc catered and we would clean up as well.

The barn isn't used much, the horses are mainly pasture kept. There is a log cabin in the middle with a huge porch, 4 or 5 tables with chairs, a fire pit with about 15 chairs/benches around it, etc... It's seperate from the actual horse area. There are about 15 horses on the 18 acre farm.

John and I are paying for the entire wedding/reception/honeymoon with the exception of my dress which FMIL bought.

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-66?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d0c47c2-62c5-48a9-812b-5565ea3a0b57Post:fc3d4db9-3280-4dfc-8312-413617c50cf3">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, MOH has offered to cook. They host a cookout about once a month for 50 - 70 and we all pitch in and split the meat. We would have the sides/fixin's/etc catered and we would clean up as well. <strong>The barn isn't used much, the horses are mainly pasture kept</strong>. There is a log cabin in the middle with a huge porch, 4 or 5 tables with chairs, a fire pit with about 15 chairs/benches around it, etc... It's seperate from the actual horse area. There are about 15 horses on the 18 acre farm. John and I <strong>are paying for the entire wedding/reception/honeymoon with the exception of my dress which FMIL bought.</strong>
Posted by StefffiC[/QUOTE]

<div>In this case, I think you are in the clear to host whoever you want, as long as you invite the people who actually attend the rehearsal.  And I think the barn idea sounds great, since it is generally free of horses.</div>