Ceremony to Reception Transportation

kfahrenthold

My fiance and I are getting married in October 2013. My parents are helping to pay for the wedding and really want us to have the ceremony at my church in my NJ hometown. BUT, my fiance and I have fallen in love with a reception site in NYC.

All of his family and mine will be coming from out of town. We also have about 20 friends who live in NYC that we are inviting. Originally we wanted to rent a charter bus to transport everyone to and from the reception site (since we guess that most of my family will stay in my hometown). It is about an hour drive from my town to the site. However, that is looking out of our budget.

My fiance feels like we don't need to provide any transportation, since most of the family will be driving from out of town, or renting a car once they get here. I feel like it's rude because its such a long drive between the two destinations, plus the hassle of directions, tolls, parking. Likewise, any friends that come from NYC will have to take public transportation, which is cumbersome and time consuming.

Our proposed solution is to simple rent a mini bus to take our NYC friends back to the city, and let everyone else drive.

Is this rude? Will people be put off? Please give me some help!

Jager1219

We got legit yellow school buses as shuttles for people.  MUCH less expensive than renting DATCO type buses.

s-aries8990

Go with a yellow bus - it's more fun and allows for more conversation!

Do NOT only provide transportation for some and not all.

So where exactly are you driving to(not address but from where to where)? and what kind of venue is the reception site? Is it near a suggested hotel?

KateH2013

So, depending on where people choose to stay, you're essentially asking them to have a 2 hour commute for your wedding? If your budget allows, certainly provide the transportation for everyone. However, if I received an invitation for an event spread between a distance like that even with transportation provided, I would decline.

Maggie0829

Are you talking about NYC like as in downtown Manhattan NYC?  If so, and I were invited to your wedding the last thing that I would want to do is to drive into NYC and have to fight traffic.  Is the hour taking into account the traffic?  If not, it will probably take quite a bit longer then an hour.

That is a lot of travelling to ask people to do for your wedding, especially if many are already travelling in from out of town.  Do these people know how to get around the city or feel comfortable driving around NYC?  Where are people staying?  Are they going to stay in the city or in NJ?

I think you need to decide what is more important to you and your FI, the church or reception venue.  An hour into a busy city is way too long of a drive to ask of your guests.

itzMS

An hour is waaaayyyy too far.

I think the key point is that you should have a Church wedding because you and your FH want a Church wedding. Or, you and FH decide you don't want a Church wedding and go from there. Your parents shouldn't have a say in that, no matter if they are footing the bill or not.

Pookieson

Our proposed solution is to simple rent a mini bus to take our NYC friends back to the city, and let everyone else drive.

I think this *is* rude.  I don't think you need to provide transportation to anyone.  We've been to severeal OOT weddings and never had transportation provided.  However, I think it's strange to provide transportation to come guests but not all of them.

lyndausvi

I would really hate a NJ wedding and NYC reception.  That would be an hour plus commute plus a ton of money in tolls and parking.  I would be not be happy.

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ceremony-to-reception-transportation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e8ef11a-3a1a-4e21-a075-0edb244110d3Post:dfa4f6ca-786d-46f4-9d3c-e2317983405d">Ceremony to Reception Transportation</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are getting married in October 2013. My parents are helping to pay for the wedding and really want us to have the ceremony at my church in my NJ hometown. BUT, my fiance and I have fallen in love with a reception site in NYC. All of his family and mine will be coming from out of town. We also have about 20 friends who live in NYC that we are inviting. Originally we wanted to rent a charter bus to transport everyone to and from the reception site (since we guess that most of my family will stay in my hometown). It is about an hour drive from my town to the site. However, that is looking out of our budget. My fiance feels like we don't need to provide any transportation, since most of the family will be driving from out of town, or renting a car once they get here. I feel like it's rude because its such a long drive between the two destinations, plus the hassle of directions, tolls, parking. Likewise, any friends that come from NYC will have to take public transportation, which is cumbersome and time consuming. Our proposed solution is to simple rent a mini bus to take our NYC friends back to the city, and let everyone else drive. Is this rude? Will people be put off? Please give me some help!
Posted by kfahrenthold[/QUOTE]

Now that I reread this, I wouldn't go to your ceremony and reception.  That is way to long a drive in between venues.  I'd say pick one and run with it.

aurianna

Your instincts are right. That is just too long of a drive. I don't know if there's an official rule, but I think 30 minutes is kind of a good benchmark.
And if your reception is at night, I know if I were out of town, I'd choose a hotel closer to the reception site so I wouldn't have to drive after the event (so even if there was a bus from the ceremony to the reception, those staying in NYC would still have to drive to NJ and then drive back to NYC anyway, or somehow get to NJ the next day to get their cars... and drive back.
I love the ceremony, but I know if I were an OOT guest in that situation, I'd most likely plan on skipping the ceremony.

As PPs have said, you probably need to pick one or the other.

wrigleyville

I would definitely be tempted to skip the ceremony in that case. If I'm staying in NYC, I have to find my way to NJ for the ceremony and then get bussed back to NYC. If I'm staying in NJ, then I have to find my way back to NJ after the reception. 

Even if you bussed people in both directions, two hours on a bus (plus traffic) is way too much for a wedding. I would much rather attend a ceremony and reception in NJ, with 30 minutes driving time MAX between venues. If you really, really want your reception in NYC, then you need to find a church near the reception venue and make sure your guests know how to navigate the city if they don't plan to cab it.

MsYeck

I wouldn't drive it. I would probably skip the ceremony and go to the reception.

jessicabessica

One hour between your venues is not appropriate.  It really isn't nice to ask your guests to do that, especially when there are many other venues in those areas.  Plus, expecting a bunch of out-of-towners to drive themselves into NYC is a recipe for disaster, IMO - people will get lost, hit traffic, have issues with parking, etc.  

If you're not going to budge on the venues, I would have transportation for everyone, and I wouldn't want to sit for an 1+ hour in fancy clothes on a school bus (plus I would be worried about having to pee, especially if I was taking it back to NJ after the reception and I had been drinking).  

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ceremony-to-reception-transportation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e8ef11a-3a1a-4e21-a075-0edb244110d3Post:c58e6fc2-a8fd-4f81-9a43-f220fce86725">Re: Ceremony to Reception Transportation</a>:
[QUOTE]One hour between your venues is not appropriate.  It really isn't nice to ask your guests to do that, especially when there are many other venues in those areas.  <strong>Plus, expecting a bunch of out-of-towners to drive themselves into NYC is a recipe for disaster, IMO - people will get lost, hit traffic, have issues with parking, etc. </strong>  If you're not going to budge on the venues, I would have transportation for everyone, and I wouldn't want to sit for an 1+ hour in fancy clothes on a school bus (plus I would be worried about having to pee, especially if I was taking it back to NJ after the reception and I had been drinking).  
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
Omigosh, yeah. Even if you're from the area it can get crazy. <div>I never ever drive in the city, so I'd be a slave to public transportation, anyway. That cost can really add up, going to NJ, then to the city, then back to Long island.
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lyndausvi

Yeah Simply when I'm visiting MIL on the island we never drive in. We always take the train.

Just a thought. With all your guests being from OOT I think having a NYC would be the best.  If I was a guest I would just get a place in the city and not get a car.  If I found out the ceremony was in NJ and the reception in NY I would still stay in the city and miss the ceremony.

STARMOON44

I live in Northern NJ, and I would find this really rude, entitled, and probably wouldn't go to your ceremony.  NY and NJ may be close as the crow flies, but the crow doesn't have to deal with bridges, tunnels, traffic, parking, etc.  And if the reason you're doing it is just because you like a place in NYC? I'd think you were crazy. 

nextrightthing

I agree with PP that it is too far.  Pick NYC or NJ and keep the reception and ceremony close together. 

Also, I disagree with the PP who said your parents don't have a say, regardless of whether they are paying.  If they are footing the bill, they certainly should have a say in what their money is paying for. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

That is a LONG drive. It's also NICE to pay for whatever you can. Your outside NYC, and that's a HCOL area. Hotels are not going to be cheap. I got married in LA and our hotel block was certainly not under $100/night, let's just say. So we provided transportation from the hotel to the ceremony and reception and back so people wouldn't HAVE to rent cars (and also invited them to the rehearsal dinner and provided bagels, coffee and fruit the morning after the wedding). It's nice to acknowledge that people are already spending a lot of money on your wedding, so make it easier on them if you can.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

FWIW, I also think it's much too long of a drive. I'm sure there are lovely reception venues in NNJ.

But if you INSIST on this, you should have people in NYC park at the reception venue, then hop a bus to the ceremony. After the ceremony, you should have 2 buses (1 for people who came out from NYC and 1 for people who drove to the ceremony). After the reception, you need a bus to get people who parked at the ceremony location back to the ceremony location.

HOWEVER, I actually scheduled 3 bus "pick ups" at my reception location, beginning an hour before the end of the reception, so people could leave at a time which was convenient for them and not be forced to stay until the bitter end, especially if they were older or had young children. If your reception goes until midnight, as many NYC receptions do, your guests will be on  a bus until 1am. And if you provide an earlier bus, you'll have to have at least 2 buses, and I would honestly expect most people to take the early one so they can get to bed before 3!

If you can't provide all that transportation, just change one of your venues.