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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank You Wording for Someone Who Was Not Invited But Came Anyway

Alright- I do not want to get too far into this, but I had my bridal shower last weekend and I cam writing my Thank You Notes. Back story- I do not get along very well with my stepmother and she asked that I not invite her family to the wedding. The day of my bridal shower, she came along with her cousin who was not invited to the shower (or wedding). Her cousin came with a gift and I would like to thank her for it, but do not want to get into why she was not invited. How can I say thank you for the gift (a check) without stepping on any toes or offending anyone? It does not seem correct to say, "thank you for coming" or "I hope you had a nice time". I feel like I need to say something other than, "Thank you for the generous gift. I will use it towards (don't know what to say here)".
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Re: Thank You Wording for Someone Who Was Not Invited But Came Anyway

  • I would say something like, "Thank you so much for the generous gift.  It will really help FI and me out in our new life together."
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  • You should say "thank you for coming".  Be a gracious bride.  It's not her cousin's fault you don't like your step-mother nor do I assume she knows anything of your animosity towards your step-mother.  Making it obvious that she wasn't inviting is just rude and immature.
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  • I don't think you need to say anything other than "thank you for the gift.  Blah, blah, blah..."

    You didn't invite her to the shower, and she's not invited to the wedding.  You owe her no explanation.
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  • You really don't need to address the invitation situation at all.  Just thank her for the gift like you would anyone else.
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  • "Thanks for the check, it almost makes up for coming to a party that you weren't invited to."

    On second thought...
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  • Did the cousin say anything about not receiving an invitation to the shower? It seems a little odd that your stepmom brought along a family member after she asked you not to invite any of her family. Anyhoo, I don't think of that plays into what you write in your thank you note. I think you write it just like you would any other TY note - "Thanks for coming. It was good to see you. I really appreciate the gift, which we plan to use for XYZ."

    As far as the cousin not being invited to the wedding or the shower, I just posted a similar question, and so far, the answers have been that there is no obligation to invite said guest to the wedding. However, depending on your relationship with the cousin and if you have room, you may choose to extend her an invite. HTH!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-wording-someone-not-invited-but-came-anyway?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ee53502-c811-47cd-a332-f953f5221740Post:3a25d8d2-7da4-4099-8094-8cbc86469d5a">Thank You Wording for Someone Who Was Not Invited But Came Anyway</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alright- I do not want to get too far into this, but I had my bridal shower last weekend and I cam writing my Thank You Notes. Back story- I do not get along very well with my stepmother and she asked that I not invite her family to the wedding. The day of my bridal shower, she came along with her cousin who was not invited to the shower (or wedding). Her cousin came with a gift and I would like to thank her for it, but do not want to get into why she was not invited. How can I say thank you for the gift (a check) without stepping on any toes or offending anyone? It does not seem correct to say, "thank you for coming" or "I hope you had a nice time". I feel like I need to say something other than, "Thank you for the generous gift. I will use it towards (don't know what to say here)".
    Posted by alygoo615[/QUOTE]
    You don't need to say anything about the situation at all.  Just thank her for the gift.
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  • Thanks everyone- for the person that called me rude and immature- that is very far from the truth. My stepmother and I do not get along very well- could be that I was very close with my dad and she felt unneccesarily threatened. When asking for a list from her of addresses and names, she told me that I was not to invite anyone from her family and if I "went against her wishes, neither her nor her children would attend". Because I was trying to mitigate a situation, I listened to her and did not invite her family to the wedding. She has told lies about me to her family, and it would not surprise me if she told me not to invite them just so that they would think I was rude for not inviting them. That is the dramatic wedding situation that I am in. I am friendly and polite and always out to please everyone- which is why I posted a message on this board.
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