Might not be divorced before wedding

LesPaul

cottage - it's called bigamy, and it's illegal.  Divorce first, then remarry, and do not decieve your guests with your fake wedding.  I am also 47, and this is a bad idea.  Agree w/ redhead - you need a lawyer.  It really shouldn't take 3 years to finalize a divorce.

ac_in_dc

I understand that divorces take a long time to process...my ex was totally cooperative and DC has no-fault divorce laws but it still took more than two years due to a slow court, retiring judges, both the ex and I traveling out of the country for extended periods of time, etc.

None of that changes that fact that you legally can't marry until you're legally divorced.

 I feel like you're trying to justify/validate huge life changes like a new marriage and a divorce based on money--some kind of settlement from your spouse, or deposits for the new wedding. And you honestly don't sound like you have a good grip on reality if you're still negotiating/waiting on crap with your ex and getting married at the same time. My ex is an extremely ethical person, but the fact of the matter is, divorce is messy and you aren't guaranteed that shiit is lined up and worked out and assets are separated until the final papers are signed. It's a scary time--still being legally married but not feeling connected to someone in any way--I felt very vulnerable until the papers were final. Why would you complicate that with a wedding, especially if there are children involved?

This raises a big reg flag for me in terms of your motivations, and also why you *have* to get married now. The whole thing smacks of neediness, materialism, male dependency. Are you afraid that your new man will take off and leave you if you don't get married right away? If not, why not just wait?

aMrsin09

Since people are pulling out the SHA references...this reminds me of my favorite quote from that movie

"you can't ride two horses with one ass"

WINNIEPOLEY

It sounds like bigamy to me.  I think with kids involved, it could really backfire on you.  Your soon to be ex could use that in court against you and drag the kids into it.  I am not trying to be mean, but point that out to you.  I can hear it said in front of a judge "Look, she married someone else while married to me your Honor"... "Poor example for the kids" etc etc..  Just think about.

If spending the money is what is bothering you, just call it a party to celebrate your love, and when all your ducks are in a row, get married legally.  Enjoy your life...I am 44 and am getting married in Oct..I am widowed and understand how wonderful it is to find love again.  All the best to you.

SwedishChick2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_might-not-divorced-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3fafc0f1-5003-4afe-a2ed-d20c2509a375Post:26c4a6f8-7014-48a1-8f35-f0569ee8c0b0">Re: Might not be divorced before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Like I mentioned, he was supposed to sign the papers 3 times now. I got engaged before actually getting the papers signed because they were supposed to be signed lol I am ready to move on after 3 years. I'm sure you ladies are younger and having your first marriage <strong>but when you are older you realize time is of the essence. </strong>Posted by cwcottage[/QUOTE]
This statement makes no sense.  Even if "time is of the essense," you can't get married until you're divorced first.  Having a fake wedding isn't go to solve that problem.  Hiring an attorney or getting your current attorney to do their job will solve that problem. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

So on one hand you're rushing to get married because it is super important and on the other the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper?

My mom waited until her divorce was final and then planned a wedding in 4 months. Easy solution.