XP: Very Confused. Step-divorced-deceased parents

amommens

We are still over a year away from our wedding, but my Aunt is using her talent to make the invitations for us and she wants to start working on some templates in the near future. 

The easy part, my parents; Mr. and Mrs. No big deal. Where is gets complicated is my fiance's side. His biological dad left his mom when he was 3. Bio dad is not a great person, but might help with the wedding. If he does, I feel like I have to put it on the invitation. His mom passed away 3 years ago, and his absolutely wonderful step-dad (who is dad for all intensive purposes) just got remarried last year. I love his step-dad and the new wife and they are who I consider my future in-laws. It would be easier to state "along with their families," but I like the idea of more traditional wording.

 My head is spinning with this problem, and I would greatly appreciate and advice. 

Snippylynn

This is very clearly a situation for "Together with their parents".  There is no simple way to reconcile this situation without adding a million lines.  So it would read:

Together with their parents (or families is fine)

Mary Sue Smith 

and 

John Joe Jones

blah blah blah

kmmssg

Agree with Snippy.  All of our girls have 3 sets of parents to deal with.  We have used "Together with their parents" and it solves A LOT of problems from the get go.

brilibby4

Another vote for "together with their families".

AroundTheBlock

The easiest way around your problem is to simply use traditional wording. For any sort of formal party, including weddings, the traditional wording simply mentions the hosts; the guests; and the party's what, when and where. And "hosts" means the people making the decisions about their guests' comfort and entertainment; not who is paying. Traditionally, polite people keep their financial arrangements private. If your parents are the hosts, then

Mr and Mrs Your Parents
request the honour of the presence of

at the marriage of their daughter ...

and the complicated groom's family is introduced in person to the guests  at the reception, or mentioned in the programme if you really want their names in writing somewhere. And similarly if you and your fiance are the hosts, then your names go at the top and the fourth line becomes "at our marriage".

If Bio-dad is a not a respectable person, you might want to forgo accepting his funding. But if you are committed to getting his money and putting his name on the invitation is your means thereto, you could put a line along the bottom of the invitation to the effect of "We would like to thank our sponsors:" and list names there, as is done for commercial convention brochures and business-event advertising, where the disclosure of who is paying is appropriate.

brilibby4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-very-confused-step-divorced-deceased-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:409c8f4d-0cd1-457d-9bd0-b4aa44be9937Post:ce450f15-365e-413e-b879-c595a37af26e">Re: XP: Very Confused. Step-divorced-deceased parents</a>:
[QUOTE]The easiest way around your problem is to simply use traditional wording. For any sort of formal party, including weddings, the traditional wording simply mentions the hosts; the guests; and the party's what, when and where. And "hosts" means the people making the decisions about their guests' comfort and entertainment; not who is paying. Traditionally, polite people keep their financial arrangements private. If your parents are the hosts, then Mr and Mrs Your Parents request the honour of the presence of at the marriage of their daughter ... and the complicated groom's family is introduced in person to the guests  at the reception, or mentioned in the programme if you really want their names in writing somewhere. And similarly if you and your fiance are the hosts, then your names go at the top and the fourth line becomes "at our marriage". If Bio-dad is a not a respectable person, you might want to forgo accepting his funding.<strong> But if you are committed to getting his money and putting his name on the invitation is your means thereto, you could put a line along the bottom of the invitation to the effect of "We would like to thank our sponsors:" and list names there, as is done for commercial convention brochures and business-event advertising, where the disclosure of who is paying is appropriate.</strong>
Posted by AroundTheBlock[/QUOTE]

I would judge this.  Big time.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-very-confused-step-divorced-deceased-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:409c8f4d-0cd1-457d-9bd0-b4aa44be9937Post:6e0350b8-bbc8-4cc8-9c42-ba49c1c403bd">Re: XP: Very Confused. Step-divorced-deceased parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: Very Confused. Step-divorced-deceased parents : I would judge this.  Big time.
Posted by brilibby4[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto.  It's a wedding, not a convention, ffs.</div><div>
</div><div>If you wanted to include all parent-type-people as hosts, the wording would be:</div><div>
</div><div>Mr. and Mrs. Your Parents</div><div>Mr. Bio-Dad</div><div>Mr. and Mrs. Stepparent-people</div><div>request the honor of your presence/pleasure of your company at the wedding of....</div><div>
</div><div>FI's mom, because she is deceased, would not appear on the invitation, although certainly you'd mention her in the program or in whatever other way you both feel is appropriate at the actual wedding.</div>

AroundTheBlock

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-very-confused-step-divorced-deceased-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:409c8f4d-0cd1-457d-9bd0-b4aa44be9937Post:6e0350b8-bbc8-4cc8-9c42-ba49c1c403bd">Re: XP: Very Confused. Step-divorced-deceased parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: Very Confused. Step-divorced-deceased parents : I would judge this.  Big time.
Posted by brilibby4[/QUOTE]

Which part are you judging? The part where the role of co-host can be purchased, or the part where a lady accepts money from someone she describes to strangers on the internet as "not a great person", or the part where she mixes commercialization style into her social event? Or just the fact that the words "sponsored by" make it all overt?

brilibby4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-very-confused-step-divorced-deceased-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:409c8f4d-0cd1-457d-9bd0-b4aa44be9937Post:f2df8462-3c54-4929-9569-30848ff4e4ed">Re: XP: Very Confused. Step-divorced-deceased parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: Very Confused. Step-divorced-deceased parents : Which part are you judging? The part where the role of co-host can be purchased, or the part where a lady accepts money from someone she describes to strangers on the internet as "not a great person", or the part where she mixes commercialization style into her social event? Or just the fact that the words "sponsored by" make it all overt?
Posted by AroundTheBlock[/QUOTE]

Um, all of the above I guess?  I find it strange that someone would recommend listing sponsors in their programs.  If I saw "sponsors" listed in a wedding program I would judge the people who's wedding I was attending.  I would judge that they were considering family members "sponsors" and that they chose to broadcast their monetary help in their programs.

divinemsbee

I'm agreeing with most of PPs--this is the moment for "Together with their families/parents."

If OP's parents don't mind (she didn't say whether they were hosting anything or not), I think that's the best solution. My FI and I are paying for most of our wedding, with contributions in both money and (volunteered) free labor from my mom, dad, grandmother, and aunts. His family is not contributing in any way, we're just hoping that they show up. I'm the one with the divorce and messiness on my side, so "Together with their families" plus having a program that lists our parents (and my mom's husband) works out perfectly. It doesn't exclude anyone or mean we have four lines of hosts on the invitation. 

LesPaul

"Sponsors"?  No.  Please don't do this.

I agree with either 'together with their parents/families' or as StephBean said, simply list the three 'sets' of parents by name.

amommens

Thanks for all of your suggestions. 

I also agree the putting "sponsored by" or something to that effect is just weird. I think of sponsors and my mind goes to sports and stuff like that. 

I am not to thrilled about the whole bio-dad giving us money, but I get the feeling that he is trying to make up for how he and the evil step-mother treated FI as a child. I really have mixed feelings with it.

I think I am going to forgo the traditional wording of all the Mr. and Mrs. stuff. The more I think about it, the best drama fee way would be to go with the phrase, "along with their families."