Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?

myj1982

My husband and I are going to have a vow renewal for our three year "anniversary". My parents who are in South Korea could not come due to my father being in the United States military. And, my husband's family did not come because we said we would have a vow renewal in three years. We didn't get any gifts from his side of the family, only my side due to the fact that my mother is a Korean, and it's cultural. So do we have a gift registry for those that didn't get us a gift for our vow renewal?

The Mel and Todd Show

no

PsyDet 2155

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:cc668420-4e4d-45a8-87ac-1456f084f580">Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I are going to have a vow renewal for our three year "anniversary". My parents who are in South Korea could not come due to my father being in the United States military. And, my husband's family did not come because we said we would have a vow renewal in three years. We didn't get any gifts from his side of the family, only my side due to the fact that my mother is a Korean, and it's cultural. So do we have a gift registry for those that didn't get us a gift for our vow renewal?
Posted by myj1982[/QUOTE]

No.

[Deleted User]

No, you already had your wedding day.

emilyinchile

Why is it your "anniversary"? Aren't you "married"?

Snippylynn

So... gifts are important you would say? 

It's ridiculous to have a vow renewal, especially on a three year.  Especially if, as it seems, you're doing it just for the presents.

Cynthia1207

No.  You can't have a registry.  If they want to buy you something for the occasion, that remains their decision.  You shouldn't be expecting gifts nor ask for them unless they ask first.

emilyinchile

I'm also curious as to why you decided to get married without your families and then have a vow renewal three years later. This thread has me full of questions.

FutureMrsMcBride

In my opinion, no it doesn't sound like a good idea.

You've already had your wedding and received gifts. Furthermore, guests at your wedding or renewal are never required to buy you gifts, so the fact that your husband's family didn't buy any gifts for your wedding is kind of irrelevant.

Try to think of it like one of your guests. You went to the wedding and consciously chose not to bring a gift. You've now been invited to a vow renewal, but this event is supplemented with a registry. To me as a guest that would insist upon itself that you don't feel like you got what you wanted last time, so you're making it clear you expect presents this time.

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't- at a renewal the gift people give you should be their love and presence. I hope you have a wonderful renewal!

waltzingmatilda13

Here's your present, and I didn't even need a registry

http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

salt78

No.

chuygrl77

Who couldn't come to what?  Your parents couldn't come and his parents didn't come but this hasn't happened yet?  And you got presents from your family because your mom is Korean?

anywho, I say no too.  No registry.

strlzfan11

Well at least you're actually calling it a vow renewal and not a wedding.

The answer, however, is still no.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:265850d0-78da-43f7-9e80-a057abd81934">Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm also curious as to why you decided to get married without your families and then have a vow renewal three years later. This thread has me full of questions.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly.

GoBucksOH

Absolutely not. You have been living together as husband and wife for 3 years, what could you possibly need off a registry???

Its tacky. Don't do it.

courtski2004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:cc668420-4e4d-45a8-87ac-1456f084f580">Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE] So do we have a gift registry for those that didn't get us a gift for our vow renewal?
Posted by myj1982[/QUOTE]

I am assuming that you are already married, and that the wedding took place three (or less) years ago, but I am confused by everything else. Did you register for your first wedding? If so, and they didn't give you a gift, the excuse wouldn't be that they were waiting for the renewal--they would give you a gift to celebrate the actual marriage no matter when the renewal would be taking place.
I don't know that the only reason you received gifts the first time has anything to do with your mother's culture unless to imply that it is common in your husbands culture to only give gifts at the renewal.
Why not wait to have the renewal with both families present? No matter when it takes place, no registry. Good news though, Christmas is Saturday. I hope nobody waits three years to send you your presents.

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:2427f673-4d72-46ba-816d-5085908c10fa">Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]Absolutely not. <strong>You have been living together as husband and wife for 3 years, what could you possibly need off a registry</strong>??? Its tacky. Don't do it.
Posted by GoBucksOH[/QUOTE]

While I don't think it's appropriate to have a registry for a vow renewal, I think this particular statement is silly. So many people get married after living together for years these days; does this mean they don't need anything off a registry??? I don't know why, the statement just sounded like something a super conservative grandmother would say to an unmarried couple living together. Kind of like my grandmother asked me if I was wearing white to the wedding, since we'd been living together before.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:4829f3ac-94f3-4a34-bff1-95b124081dbf">Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question? : While I don't think it's appropriate to have a registry for a vow renewal, I think this particular statement is silly. So many people get married after living together for years these days; does this mean they don't need anything off a registry??? I don't know why, the statement just sounded like something a super conservative grandmother would say to an unmarried couple living together. Kind of like my grandmother asked me if I was wearing white to the wedding, since we'd been living together before.
Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]

And many people who don't need anything don't register for their wedding either.

When you live with your FI and then get married, at least you're changing your status from dating to married.  OP is already married.  She is having a party that happens to include a vow renewal.  Most of us do not register for parties. 

aurianna

Ok, I'm in agreement with everyone in that you already had your wedding and presents are not required, but I differ slightly on one point.

I personally don't see a reason you can't have a registry (though I'd make one online vs in a store so you don't waste a salesperson's time).
So make a registry.

BUT

You can't tell anyone about it. You can't put it on the invites. I probably wouldn't put it on a website. But if someone wants to buy you a present and directly asks you, then I don't see a reason why you can't tell them then. But maybe that's just me.

EDIT:
I see the points of other posters (or those who chose to be constructive, anyway).
If you're asking about a registry, you probably have things already in mind about what you want/need and no one can fault you for that.
If answering truthfully about those things you'd like when someone asks you directly is a crime then you're probably SOL.
Just use common sense. Don't publicize anything. Don't expect anything.
If someone says they'd like to get you something and asks you what you'd like, you have some things in mind so bonus. But don't make it a focus.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:f5d31509-d6d6-4603-a4f6-e4c461c4de01">Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I'm in agreement with everyone in that you already had your wedding and presents are not required, but I differ slightly on one point. I personally don't see a reason you can't have a registry (though I'd make one online vs in a store so you don't waste a salesperson's time). So make a registry. BUT You can't tell anyone about it. You can't put it on the invites. I probably wouldn't put it on a website. But if someone wants to buy you a present and directly asks you, then I don't see a reason why you can't tell them then. But maybe that's just me.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

Dear Aurianna-

Please read the title of this board.  It's called Etiquette.  If you do not know proper etiquette, or choose to ignore it, please don't put in your (worthless) two cents.  Proving you're an idiot is much worst than people suspecting you are.

With thanks,

Snippy

mica178

Oh, Amoro, you make me laugh.  Outloud.

Aurianna should be recommending a secret honeymoon registry. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Lol, like people want to buy you gifts for your fake wedding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:f5d31509-d6d6-4603-a4f6-e4c461c4de01">Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I'm in agreement with everyone in that you already had your wedding and presents are not required, but I differ slightly on one point. I personally don't see a reason you can't have a registry (though I'd make one online vs in a store so you don't waste a salesperson's time). So make a registry. BUT You can't tell anyone about it. You can't put it on the invites. I probably wouldn't put it on a website. But if someone wants to buy you a present and directly asks you, then I don't see a reason why you can't tell them then. But maybe that's just me.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

1. You never "tell" people about registries anyway, so how does this differ from a normal wedding registry?
2. Would you register for a normal party, like your birthday? Because this vow renewal is a party. It's not an actual wedding. They were married. People bought them gifts. People who didn't want to buy gifts didn't do it and don't need to be reminded of their decision to NOT buy gifts for a wedding that happened almost 3 years ago.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

The etiquette is the expectation of presents. It took a long time for registries to be proper etiquette in the first place. But etiquette accepts that most people are going to receive gifts for their wedding. It is NOT, however, customary to give gifts for vow renewals, fifth weddings, etc.

My Amazon wishlist is actually just for me to remember what I'd like.

aurianna

In my perfect world, if I ever lived to see my fifth wedding, I'd be too old to need a registry. I wouldn't even be eating solid foods anymore, so who needs fancy non-stick cookware?

MrsTucker2011

No registry. Don't do it. You've been married for practically 3 years already.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:4829f3ac-94f3-4a34-bff1-95b124081dbf">Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question? : While I don't think it's appropriate to have a registry for a vow renewal, I think this particular statement is silly. 
Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]

<div>I have to agree.  We've been married just under 2 years, and while we have all of the necessities, I could certainly fill a whole house registry again tomorrow.  Most couples live together/on their own before getting married, and have the necessities to run a home.  Therefore, everyone registers for upgrades, specialty items, and replacement items.  After 3 years of marriage, I think most people could think of more things they could use.</div><div>
</div><div>Although I'm a BB&B junkie, so maybe it's just me.</div><div>
</div><div>In any event, a registry for a vow renewal is simply inappropriate.  </div>

wrdgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:f291dea1-d55e-4351-90d6-98c3ae38c3a7">Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]The etiquette is the expectation of presents. I<strong>t took a long time for registries to be proper etiquette in the first place.</strong> But etiquette accepts that most people are going to receive gifts for their wedding. It is NOT, however, customary to give gifts for vow renewals, fifth weddings, etc. My Amazon wishlist is actually just for me to remember what I'd like.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

It still shouldn't be an etiquette.

Op, don't have one.  If they want to give you gifts let them give you gifts.  Registries are NOT and NEVER necessary.  If the guests don't know what to get you let them ask .  And if they don't, it's the thought that counts.   Appreciate that thought and you'll be a happier person...:)  Good luck!

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-gift-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:411d1b1b-4008-4d19-9c2a-2678440a33b9Post:273c4c41-bfb7-4db4-8c87-3f8abc656721">Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal--Gift registry question? : It still shouldn't be an etiquette.
Posted by wrdgirl[/QUOTE]

What, pray tell, is "an etiquette?"

Calypso1977

i agree, i personally dislike registries in general.  they are presumptuous.  its saying "i expect you'll get me a gift, and therefore i want XYZ, and anything else is something i didnt want".  i dislike them even more after hearing on here some of the crap ladies do - like register, get the gifts and return them for cash.  i wish they never became "proper etiquette" either.