Wedding Etiquette Forum

Am I a jerk?

Hi Ladies!
it's been a long time but this is still my go to place for some outside perspective.

After my wedding I posted my vendor reviews which I think were fair and honest and included a mediocre review of one vendor.  I never really told my vendor about my issues.  Today said vendor e-mails me and says they saw my review online and wished I would have talked to them about it first. (That was the entire e-mail, one line, no greeting no signature.)

Am I a jerk?  Should I have given this vendor a heads up?  There was nothing that could have been done about the disappointment and I felt that other brides should know.  I feel like a jerk.  I also feel like I owe the vendor an I???

Re: Am I a jerk?

  • I think it depends on what it was/how it went down. Can you be more specific?
  • What was your beef with them?
    Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.

    The Margarita Evolution
  • If your review was honest, and you had good intentions of helping other brides then I don't think you have anything to worry about. FWIW, I always appreciate it when a bride takes the time to do vendor reviews.
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  • Not that it makes much difference, but did they have your website address or where they randomly stalking you online?
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  • Oh- and with that said, I think you should have given them a chance to correct any mistake that may have happened to be fair.  Without knowing more detail it would hard to making a choice one way or another.
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  • What was the problem you had the vendor?  I don't think you owe him an explanation, but if you feel it's something that can be fixed for future clients he would probably appreciate the feedback.
  • I'm not sure how they saw it, maybe they googled themselves. 

    There were quite a few issues, long story short, formal family photos were not well layed out (i.e-people blocking others) and MANY MANY MANY pictures using some kind of lens that made every face (except me and DH) blurry.  When I asked about other pictures I was told that it was just the way it was shot......
  • Ok, that's a legitimate complaint that couldn't have been averted on your part (unless that's how you understood they would look, which doesn't seem to be the case). If it was something like "I asked for pink peonies and the peonies were dark pink," I would say that's something to discuss with them, but it's not like they can fix this. That's pretty crappy :(
  • If it was a final product that you were unhappy about I see no problem in posting your problems.  But if you are unhappy you should really talk to the vendor then update your review afterwards with what he or she said.  There isn't much you can do about people blocking one another, but maybe the blurry faces were actually done in photoshop and the photographer can fix that.
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  • My local board gave them AMAZING reviews so I was shocked by what I got.  I was just trying to give honest feedback for other brides.
  • My other problem was that I was the main contact for the entire planning process.  I hired him for the ENTIRE day from the time I told them to be there until the time I told them to leave.  At our reception I noticed they were gone and I asked DH about it.  Apparently they had asked DH if it was ok to go because they had gotten "everything".  DH didn't know better and said ok.  They missed tosses, lots of dancing lots of memories.  It could have been our first fight as a married couple because I wanted to scream at DH when I found out he let him go, but poor DH didn't know any better and I didn't want him to feel bad so I shrugged it off.....
  • You are not a jerk! You have every right to provide honest reviews of vendors. Some companies are very proactive about monitoring their online reputation, and some are honestly trying to learn from their customers' experiences to improve their services. Doing this also sometimes results in the consumer voluntarily removing or editing their review, which helps the vendor. This one seemed a bit curt, though.

    Since they didn't offer any sort of apology or show any interest in learning from your inadequate experience, I would just shrug it off. You don't owe them any explanation unless they ask specific follow-up questions as a way of improving their customer service in the future. If you feel really uncomfortable ignoring them, you could email them back and say you're happy to speak to them for a few minutes about specific ways they could improve their service for other customers.

    Thanks for posting your reviews, though. It is very helpful for the rest of us!
  • When I first started posting on the knot, this was happening on my local a lot.  I remember different vendors contacting brides who had posted fair, but sometimes somewhat negative, vendor reviews.  I think it's a crappy thing to do.  If vendors want to stalk message boards, etc., to find reviews on themselves, that's fine, but I think it's rude of them to email you to say anything other than, "I was reading the knot message boards, looking for reviews and I noticed your negative review.  Is there anything I can do to amend your review? I'm sorry you're unhappy" or something like that.  I don't think it makes them look good to attack former clients.
  • I think you were fully within your rights to post a review, but the courteous thing to do would have been to let the photographers know that you were unsatisfied with your pictures.  There may not have been anything that they could have done to save your pictures, but (a good photographer) would take your concerns into consideration for the next bride, and learn from the experience.  They may have even reimbursed some of your money, or given you some other sort of compensation.  Either way, you should have given them the chance to resolve your issues before leaving a bad review.

    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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  • Also - I would imagine that they were probably directed to your review by one of their current or prospective brides that saw your review and then questioned them about it.  While there are vendors that troll message boards looking at their reviews, it's quite common for brides to raise concerns w/ vendors that they already booked when bad reviews are posted.  Since you said that these people were highly recommended on your local, my money is on the latter.
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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  • I definitely don't think you were a jerk, I think they are the ones handling this wrong.

    Might want to keep in mind though that sometimes photographers are limited based on lighting, if the lighting isn't ideal sometimes part of the photo has to be sacrificed. If part of the photo is blurry it means they were using a short depth of field which is something they may have had to do (in order to not sacrifice ISO or shutter speed) or it might be a stylistic thing that they like and did on purpose. I think it would be helpful if you let them know that you didn't like it because you want to see everyone's faces.
  • YOu are not a jerk.  What they did (leaving early) was unprofessional and by the time you found out, there's really nothing at all the photographer could've done to make it better.  Talking to him would not have resolved the situation.  I'm glad you posted those reivews.  It is important.  
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