Wedding Etiquette Forum

WWYD? (kinda long)

My question requires a little backstory to make sense. So, one of my best friends, "Mindy" was married to a guy named, "David." Mindy was very close to my whole family. David was not quite as close (I think mostly because he is shy), but he was still usually there for birthdays, holidays, etc and everybody liked him.

Unfortunately, two years ago Mindy passed away from cancer. We all took this very hard, particulary me and mom. Since then, I have only seen David 2 or 3 times. My parents, though, would see him every couple weeks and tried really hard to make sure he knew that they cared about him (not that I didn't care about him, but I moved 2 hours away shortly after she died and it made it difficult to see him). 

In the past few months, David has started dating someone. I am happy for him that he is able to move on with his life and has found someone to make him happy, but at the same time, I took it kind of hard because it was a harsh reminder that Mindy is no longer here. Since, he started dating this woman, his visits with my parents are very infrequent. They still try to see him every couple of weeks, but a lot of the time he won't respond to their calls or emails. His said that his new girlfriend is not comfortable with meeting any of us yet, which I can understand.

Now, all that being said, do I invite David and his new girlfriend to the wedding? I know that if I see them I will start crying because Mindy can't be there.

I have a feeling the right thing to do would be to invite them, let them decide if they feel comfortable attending or not, and try to stay composed if/when I see them. I just wanted to see what you guys thought.
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Re: WWYD? (kinda long)

  • In this case, he is distancing himself from you and your family of his own volition.  I think it is fine not to invite him, especially if all it will do is upset you.  
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  • I have a feeling the right thing to do would be to invite them, let them decide if they feel comfortable attending or not, and try to stay composed if/when I see them. I just wanted to see what you guys thought.

    I think it sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this, and the above statement is exactly how you should handle it.  It's a very sad situation, but it's nice that you would continue to support him because your friend loved him so much.

    Good Luck, and I'm really sorry for the loss of your friend.
  • If I were you, I would invite them, even though it would be understandably difficult for you.  They may not even come if his girlfriend would feel really uncomfortable.  There will be so many other people there and so much going on that you probably won't notice them much, and I'll bet the extreme happiness of your big day will outweigh any brief, sad moments.  Just my opinion.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend :(
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  • Well you're wedding isn't until next year, so there is still a lot of time for this situation to evolve and develop.  I don't think you're under any obligation to invite him for one thing, seeing that she passed away 2 years ago and he has moved on with his life.  Not to mention that you didn't really maintain a relationship with each other and he's pulling away from your parents.  I think I would just put this on a wait and see status.  You have a LOT of time.
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  • Thank you guys for your advice and sympathies. I appreciate it.

    And Danieliza, I know you are right that I still have quite a while and I will likely wait and see what happens. It has just been bugging me since I started putting the guest list together.
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