Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully?

dannie134

I could use some help.

My FI's family comes from a tradition where every wedding includes a dollar/money dance.  I've never been to a wedding that had one, and my mom has only been to one and said it was very confusing and awkward for her, since she didn't know what was going on or why, how much money was expected, whether they HAD to participate, etc.

I am still not 100% sure about whether to do it or not (although I think FI's family may be disappointed if we skip it - still feeling that one out).  If we do, are there ways to avoid making it seem like a money grab?  I do not want people to feel that we are expecting more money from them (I am not), and was thinking that by calling it a dollar dance (not a money dance) and having the DJ explain the tradition before we get started that might help.  I really am mostly worried about my friends and family who may never have encountered this, and like I said the whole thing makes me a little nervous.

Any advice would be great, either from those who have done this or been to a wedding where it was done.

[Deleted User]

Nope.

Stackeye210

I think if you're uncomfortable with it then you should just skip it.  Even if people are expecting it they probably won't even notice it didn't happen until after your reception either.  The only dollar dance I've seen that looked like any kind of fun was when they gave out shots before you started your turn, but I was 9 months pregnant so it wasn't like I got to join in or anything. 

It's a very common thing to have dollar dances around my area but I did not do a dollar dance.  Just not my thing. 

J&K10910

Could you, instead of doing a dollar dance, have the DJ make an announcement that instead of a dollar dance, they're opening up the dance floor to anyone who wants a minute to dance with the bride and groom, without the money?  And just dance with the people without them having to give money? 

That might be a really dumb idea, but I'm trying to compromise. 

baystateapple

I'm not a fan of dollar dances, although I know that in some parts of the country and in some traditions, it's almost unheard of to not have a dollar dance at a wedding.  It sounds like your family falls into that category.

That being said, however, if it makes you uncomfortable, I would skip it.

[Deleted User]

I've seen two dollar dances in my life. one was VERY awkward...(no one came up or understood what the heck was going on) and one was actually fun (Polish family...huge lines for bride and groom...gave me a chance to dance with the groom who was a good friend of mine from college)

I would never consider doing one...but I think depending on your circle and your guests....it could be either really awful or acceptable...

aecubera

I don't like them...we went to a wedding last summer where they did it, and whoever was in charge of how long each dance was did a bad job; the Dollar Dance lasted 6 songs and a full half hour.  It also limits the time for other people to be dancing!

That being said, many people might be upset if you don't do it if it really is an important tradition.

dannie134

Thanks guys, so far it sounds like you are saying what I was thinking - if it's part of the family tradition, people can have fun with it, but otherwise, it's kind of awkward.

FI is away right now, but when he comes back I'm going to find out how important this is to him, if he says not very, we'll probably just drop it.  Or J&K your idea is not that crazy, maybe try to do a dance with the concept but not the money?

crfische

I fucking love dollar dances.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dollar-dance-possible-this-tastefully?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42907a8a-08b2-47f0-93cd-e2a7e1e6da4dPost:9c7f139d-c8c0-4f58-a4b2-9bf48974b028">Re: Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully?</a>:
[QUOTE]I fucking love dollar dances.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I don't mind them!  We're not doing one, but I don't mind when other people do it.  But it's popular around here.

impslave

I've seen around these parts a "wishing (?)" dance.  Rather than bringing money, guests could write down a wish or advice for the couple, drop that into a cute tin or box, then dance with the bride/groom.

I would think that's a viable compromise - you honor the tradition of your FI's family, but without the awkwardness of compelling people to have cash.

redheadfsu

Some advice given on these boards is to call it a wish dance (or something like that). As in people who don't want to give you money could write something like a wish, tradition, saying down and give it to you for a dance. His family could still give you money if they still wanted to, but that way other people won't be uncomfortable.

Edit: Haha, I'm too slow.

crfische

J&K, your hair is darn pretty.

slwager

never even heard of this!  wow!

would be super awkward if majority of guests don't know what's happening

J&K10910

Thanks Fishy!  Some of it isn't technically MY hair, so I can't take credit  

dannie134

I also love J&K's hair, for the record.

The wish thing is an interesting idea.  Although, if it's going to be logistically complicated, hopefully I can convince FI that we don't NEED a dollar dance.  The rest of the wedding will be so fun that they shouldn't even notice it didn't happen.  That's the plan, at least!

Edit: and thank you all for your thoughtful replies.  And for not calling me tacky for even considering this.  And for amusing me with sarcasm (fische).  and i promise that was not in sarcasm font, i mean it!

LDYGTR13

I was just recently at a wedding where they had 3 songs in succession for their "money dance" and the DJ kept saying things like "Dig into those wallets and pay the Bride and Groom for a dance" etc. I felt it was pretty gross. But thats the first Money Dance I've ever witnessed and I wouldn't know if it's the norm. I was just icky, IMO.

I'm sure if I had had a clue WTF was going on I wouldn't be a surprised or skeeved out about it, but I was not a fan. If people know, it might not irk them as much though.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dollar-dance-possible-this-tastefully?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42907a8a-08b2-47f0-93cd-e2a7e1e6da4dPost:5feb04d4-7a65-4745-835e-cc676ad471cf">Re: Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully?</a>:
[QUOTE]I also love J&K's hair, for the record. The wish thing is an interesting idea.  Although, if it's going to be logistically complicated, hopefully I can convince FI that we don't NEED a dollar dance.  The rest of the wedding will be so fun that they shouldn't even notice it didn't happen.  That's the plan, at least! Edit: and thank you all for your thoughtful replies.  <strong>And for not calling me tacky for even considering this.  And for amusing me with sarcasm (fische)</strong>.  and i promise that was not in sarcasm font, i mean it!
Posted by dannie134[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure she wasn't being sarcastic, actually.

dannie134

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dollar-dance-possible-this-tastefully?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42907a8a-08b2-47f0-93cd-e2a7e1e6da4dPost:4166b77e-ca96-4848-89da-5e7b7c7f7229">Re: Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully? : I'm pretty sure she wasn't being sarcastic, actually.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Even better then.

jemmini6

I've never been to a wedding that hasn't done the dollar dance, so obviously it's pretty normal here (or at least in my social circle).  However, I can imagine how awkward it would be if no one is familiar with it.  If you are the slightest bit uncomfortable with it, I'd say skip it because if you feel awkward about, your guests are almost certain to as well.

BTW, is you siggy pic with Oahu Divers?

dannie134

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dollar-dance-possible-this-tastefully?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42907a8a-08b2-47f0-93cd-e2a7e1e6da4dPost:018a78fb-09a8-4723-a360-93011c5f1e99">Re: Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully?</a>:
[QUOTE]BTW, is you siggy pic with Oahu Divers?
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

No, I don't remember who that dive was through (so long ago!), but we did 2 dives with 'Dive Oahu' the last time we were in Hawaii (when we got engaged last October).  They were great, but we don't have pictures -for the dive in my siggy one of the instructors had a really great camera so we splurged and bought the photos :)

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dollar-dance-possible-this-tastefully?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42907a8a-08b2-47f0-93cd-e2a7e1e6da4dPost:50e2e9a3-1270-4321-8f46-0e0b21e645b9">Re: Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully? : No, I don't remember who that dive was through (so long ago!), but we did 2 dives with 'Dive Oahu' the last time we were in Hawaii (when we got engaged last October).  They were great, but we don't have pictures -for the dive in my siggy one of the instructors had a really great camera so we splurged and bought the photos :)
Posted by dannie134[/QUOTE]

We have tons of pictures from our first dive in Oahu.  Oahu Divers emails them to you for free, but your pic looked like the ones they take (which I'm sure looks the same no matter who takes them, but it just reminded me of our dives with them).

Avion22

If it's not a familiar tradtion to your family, and makes you feel uncomfortable, then guests from your side are likely to be confused, and possibly a little offended.  However, if they see everyone from your fiance's family doing it and having fun, then they'll probably figure it out pretty quickly, and might join in and hanve a good time. But they might still find it odd and offensive.

cmcurris

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dollar-dance-possible-this-tastefully?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42907a8a-08b2-47f0-93cd-e2a7e1e6da4dPost:e3c1c28a-433f-4d51-bd67-294c6536a12d">Re: Dollar Dance - possible to do this tastefully?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen two dollar dances in my life. one was VERY awkward...(no one came up or understood what the heck was going on) and<strong> one was actually fun (Polish family...huge lines for bride and groom...</strong>gave me a chance to dance with the groom who was a good friend of mine from college) I would never consider doing one...but I think depending on your circle and your guests....it could be either really awful or acceptable...
Posted by JLil120[/QUOTE]

This is my family, we give out shots with it and it seems to work out ok. As long as everyone either knows what's going on or there are enough people there to give them all the hint, it should be fine.

That being said, if it makes you uncomfortable, you might not want to do it.

sarabear23

I had one. Honestly, it was one of the most fun parts of the evening. People danced with eachother while they were waiting to dance with us, so it wasn't awkward, and no one was offended by it. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, then don't. However, if it is common in your FIs family to have one, they obviously won't be weirded out by it.

NotColloquial

So, I agree with everyone that the short answer is "No." I have been to many weddings where these were just part of the culture, but I was still kinda appaled by the idea.

If you really think your FI's side of the family will be heartbroken over not having one, then I can only think of one possible idea that may help everyone not feel so uncomfortable. What if you had the DJ tell the story of the tradition, whatever that may be, and then have fake wedding dollars that you can design and print with a picture of you guys or something, and work those into the centerpieces somehow. This way people who want to participate can use the fake money, you won't look cash grabby, and no one will feel cheap if they don't want to participate. Obviously let people know that those are what the "wedding dollars" are for when the time comes. Maybe make them "love dollars" like they are showering you with affection.... I mean, this is a last resort, I still think you shouldn't have one.

StacyJenniges

You know the point of the dollar dance is to give people a chance to dance with the bride or groom.  I'm sure there is a way that you can have a dance like this but not have people pay to dance with you.  I am one who likes the dollar dance, and if my FI's family does not like it I would try to find a way to do the dollar dance without the dollar in it. 

dannie134

Thanks for all the suggestions.

@NotColloquial: That is an interesting idea, but I think for me it's sort of all or nothing.  In the sense that either we do it the traditional way, OR we have the dance and no one hands us anything (have the DJ announce people can have a short dance with the bride or groom, say nothing about $), although that still risks some confusion, OR we skip it altogether.

I can't make any final decisions until I talk to FI, but it helps to hear what others have done and how it was received.  I guess for me, the thing is, if others have been to a wedding where it was done and felt uncomfortable (when it's not a familiar tradition), most likely some of our guests would feel that way, too.

Ultimately I want FI and his family to be happy, they are the first priority, but if I find out this is not super important to them, we'll cut it, because my guess is only about half our guests will have seen it before.

SilverLining1

I skipped most of the replies, so sorry if I repeat anything. I think that I've heard of people using monopoly money. Also, you could supply paper and pens and ask people to write well-wishes or advice or something and use those instead of money. Good luck!

Edit: I'm waaay behind here.