Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bestman Getting Divorced!

Our BM for our 10/30/10 wedding just informed us that he is getting a divorce. Problem is we had asked his wife to be in the wedding. Sh ehas already ordered and paid for her dress. What do we do now? Is it okay to ask him since he is family if he would be offended if she is still in the WP?

Re: Bestman Getting Divorced!

  • Assuming you're friends / close with both of them, I'd let the two of them handle it.
  • edited August 2010
    Yep, let them sort this one out themselves.

    ETA: This is not even on their minds right now.  When she gets a call from the store to pick up her dress or get it altered, she may be all "oh crap!!"  and call you.
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  • I agree with Banana.  Let them deal with it.

    Not your problem
  • I think it is okay to ask if they still want to be in the WP.  I wouldn't do it right away.. you don't need an answer this second.

    Let them know you understand either way and just want to be supportive.

    Don't replace them - If one steps down and the other stays- just let the sides be uneven.

    If you were to call off your wedding- I would suggest you pay for the dress expenses- but since it would be up to them to step down- I would say you don't need to reimburse her.

    Overall:  Don't force them to stay in the party or force them out.  Also, don't make your WP more important than the pain they are going through now.  You don't need an answer until you print the programs.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bestman-getting-divorced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4313e3ce-83a6-4c24-95a3-db18f6b650d2Post:c22c1f9b-2ed7-4ba7-8198-8ff8eebe7fc6">Re: Bestman Getting Divorced!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Assuming you're friends / close with both of them, I'd let the two of them handle it.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    This. Let them tell you. Don't ask.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • twilight.rosetwilight.rose member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2010
    Ditto PPs. It really isn't something you need to step in the middle of. If they decide that one of them should step down, I'm sure they'll let you know.

    ETA: I would, however, proceed with your planning as if they are both remaining in the WP unless you are otherwise informed.
    **i'm a little drunk on you and high on summertime** Photobucket
  • That really sucks - I think they'll figure it out though.  I'm sorry you are going through that.
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  • Your wedding is probibly the last thing on thier minds right now, and rightly so.  Give them time to sort out what is going on with their lives and let them come to you.  They have not forgotten their commitment to your wedding, but they have other pressing issues to deal with.   Life will go on, even though you have a wedding coming up in October....  
  • What kind of family -- what's the relationship? Are you good friends with both of them independent of family or is it more of a family type thing?

    I had my sister's husband in my first wedding as a groomsman -- if they had announced a divorce, of course he woud have been out of the wedding, no question about it. I would assume she'd be out in most cases, unless she's someone you'd been good friends with independent of the husband for a while.
  • this happened to a friend of mine! - well SHE was going to be in a wedding, was getting divorced and was asked to not be in the wedding anymore and that she was no longer invited. It was handled, by the bride, in a not so courteous manner ("We don't want you in our wedding photos is you two aren't married anymore...")The divorcing couple would have come to this conclusion, if given - i don't know, like a whole day to think about it. - so to echo several other posts = let them deal with it, they will most liekly come to YOU and ask what you think.
  • I would say something but not in a way that you are forcing her out. Something along the lines of, I understand at this time it may be painful for you to be included in our wedding party. I want you to know that I respect any decision that you make and I want you to do what is right for you. If there is anything that I can do for you to make make the situation more comfortable, please let me know.

    Were you planning on them walking down the aisle together? maybe that is something you should think about because that could be really awkward. Just a thought...
    ~basquing in the wedded bliss~
  • I have the same issue. My Best man and one of the bridesmaids have gotten a divorce. And they are acting like kids. Not fighting but he wants to avoid her at all costs. They both are seeing new people but don't want the other one to know. This is crazy
  • I would hope they would be adults and civil for the sake of the commitment they both have made to you guys, but like every one else has already said... let them handle it. They will hopefully discuss it and one, or the other, or both, will come to you guys about it. If you feel that it will cause drama at your wedding because of the way they are treating each other (if you don't think they could be civil), then I would ask them if they feel they can be civil WHEN THEY COME TO YOU. I'm in a similar/awkward divorce situation. My aunt is going through the process of divorcing my unlcle- of 23 years. He's my uncle! But she doesn't believe he will be civil and she thinks he will ruin my wedding and has requested I do not invite him. meh. Every one goes through some sort of complications with wedding planning, I am sorry you are going through this and I hope that everything works out.
  • Yes...I can see where it's concerning for you, but it's something they will have to decide between themselves while they are dealing with a whole lot of things.  All you can do is to know where you stand, if you would still like both of them to be involved, and let them know that when they come to you, but be accepting if she backs out because her ex will be there.
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • Yeah they really just need to respect that this occasion is about you and your FI so hopefully they can make it through the day.
  • that should not affect your wedding. Go on with your plans and don't let that bother you. Don't make any changes to your wedding only ask them to behave. But, if they want to get out of this, then let them go and tell them you understand. You're the one getting married and it's your day. don't let others bother you. With that said, ultimately, it's your wedding so you should do want it's in your heart. 
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