Wedding Etiquette Forum

Re: a

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:432132cd-7189-44e6-aeea-5a458427a0ccPost:38bf1ea2-7e06-4ba4-b93f-ed9ff8e32403">RSVPs - need to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I apologize in advance if I sound ungrateful or "bridezillia-ish", but I just can't believe people can be so rude. I sent out invitations to my engagement party 2 months ago with an RSVP date 3 weeks before the party. It's a big event for cultural reasons so a lot of planning was put into it. First of all, there are 20 guests that never even responded to the invitation! I assumed they were just not coming which is fine. But even worse, there are people that called me the week OF the party to say they would like to attend! I've already given the venue our head count, seating is done, centerpieces and favors ordered. I'd really like to tell them how rude they are to completely disregard an RSVP, but what is the proper way to tell them I can't have them at my party even though they were invited? I was able to squeeze in 4 people that responded late, but there is just no more leeway for this group of 3 people that called days before the party. And what if some of those 20 people that never respoded show up??
    Posted by denisekladis[/QUOTE]

    I'm going to skip right on by the fact that it's rude to throw your own engagement party and the idea that it's crazy to me to have an engagement party that involves a seating chart and favors and say the following:

    You shouldn't have assumed those 20 people weren't coming, you should have called after the RSVP deadline to follow-up. It's also fine to tell people who RSVP late that sadly you've already finalized things with the caterer and just can't add them at this point. Both of these will serve you well when it comes to your actual wedding.
  • Yeah, some people can be so tacky.
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  • Nothing will change when you send out your wedding invites. Be prepared. And do what Emily said.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:432132cd-7189-44e6-aeea-5a458427a0ccPost:63a86eab-9ea9-49bd-be5a-5e9548be5075">Re: RSVPs - need to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to RSVPs - need to vent : <strong>I'm going to skip right on by the fact that it's rude to throw your own engagement party and the idea that it's crazy to me to have an engagement party that involves a seating chart and favors</strong> and say the following: You shouldn't have assumed those 20 people weren't coming, you should have called after the RSVP deadline to follow-up. It's also fine to tell people who RSVP late that sadly you've already finalized things with the caterer and just can't add them at this point. Both of these will serve you well when it comes to your actual wedding.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    I disagree with the part that's bolded.  In many different cultures it is accepted that an engagement party be a formal event much like the wedding.  She did say it was for cultural reasons so I don't think anyone has the right to judge how this was done.

    As for the question at hand, Emily is right.  It was your responsibility to call everyone who didn't answer back and ask BEFORE giving your numbers to the venue.  You'll have to tell those people that they cannot attend due to both of your oversights.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:432132cd-7189-44e6-aeea-5a458427a0ccPost:c96d6c03-4c51-440a-9c2b-22f08dab3984">Re: RSVPs - need to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVPs - need to vent :<strong> I disagree with the part that's bolded.</strong>  In many different cultures it is accepted that an engagement party be a formal event much like the wedding.  She did say it was for cultural reasons so I don't think anyone has the right to judge how this was done. As for the question at hand, Emily is right.  It was your responsibility to call everyone who didn't answer back and ask BEFORE giving your numbers to the venue.  You'll have to tell those people that they cannot attend due to both of your oversights.
    Posted by Cynthia1207[/QUOTE]

    It's still rude to throw your own engagement party.

    And, like PPs said, OP should have followed up with the people that did not RSVP by the deadline.
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  • OP, thanks for the clarification that you aren't throwing it.

    Cynthia, I read the part about it being cultural. That doesn't mean that to me, coming from my cultural background, it doesn't seem totally over the top to have such a big production for an engagement party. And as Bubba pointed out, unless OP was inviting only members of her same culture, and in that culture it is ok to throw your own e-party, she would have been committing an etiquette mistake.
  • Lesson learned... now you know to call people who dont RSVP for the wedding itself.

    I alloted for 2 wks to contact people before needing a final head count.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:432132cd-7189-44e6-aeea-5a458427a0ccPost:75780d8d-9007-4b77-9571-a570d16ebf31">Re: RSVPs - need to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lesson learned... now you know to call people who dont RSVP for the wedding itself. I alloted for 2 wks to contact people before needing a final head count.
    Posted by jessienjeremy[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.  Just make sure to take this lesson and apply it to the actual wedding because no doubt, these same people will likely not return their RSVP for your wedding either.
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  • Ah, I see I posted while you were posting. I take back my first comment and agree that this is a lesson learned.

    Believe me, we all had lessons to learn while wedding planning!
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  • I would have no idea 3 weeks pre-party if we would be able to make it.  H gets his schedule weekly, so I would know the Thursday before for Sun-Sat.  That said, we always call and let people know our situation and they always are understanding, but please don't assume they just couldn't be bothered to RSVP.  As far as what to tell them...well, you invited them, find a way to squeeze them in.
  • OP, glad you took this well. Honestly, if this was going to happen, I'm glad you learned about this now as opposed to when wedding invitations went out. Have a fun party!
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