rsvp follow-up

keziah23

(cross posted from my wedding month board, as I thought this might be a good place to get some good advice)

Morning all!  Hope you all had a great holiday weekend!  I traveled for many hours but got to see lots of family and friends.  I took the opportunity to harass the ones that had not rsvp's yet and got some firm answers finally. 

My question is, for those that have not yet rsvp'd, I am planning on starting to follow-up by email and phone (method will vary depending on the person) within the next week.  I am struggling a little bit with the wording for the email.

Here is my first draft, any help on the wording would be appreciated.  I am also going to cross post this to etiquette.
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It looks like we haven’t received your RSVP yet!

You should have received your invitation a few weeks ago.

We understand that everyone is busy, but please take a moment and go to (website)

and let us know if you will be able to join us on July 24th

tenofcups4me

I would make it a lot more personal to each individual, rather than a generic form like that. Something like:

Hi Jonathan. Hope you're doing well. Things are crazy here as we get close to the wedding! [maybe more personal stuff here]

Just wanted to check in with you -- we haven't gotten your RSVP yet and we're down to the wire with finalizing numbers. Can you do me a favor and respond at the web site xyz. [more info  here if necessary]

Thanks and we hope you can make it!

hd7694

I agree with making it a little more personal.  It doesn't have to be a long letter, just a small personal note.  That will let your invited guests know that they are important to you and not just a number.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I honestly think it's way too early to start tracking people down (when is your RSVP deadline?) and I think a personal phone call is the best option.

nda_roxybabe

I'm with Mery.

keziah23

Before we go any further down that road, I will say this;  we have our own reasons for setting our rsvp date when we did and our own reasons for following up when we are.  Those reasons are our own and the timing of these things is not the topic of discussion. The topic of discussion, as I posted it, is the wording of the follow-up.
Thank you for your feedback, but please keep it on topic.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-follow-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:433f6c3c-b5c5-487c-86c5-51256d2f0124Post:86cc52a3-b4fb-4939-b5d4-0ed4a51b68af">Re: rsvp follow-up</a>:
[QUOTE]Before we go any further down that road, I will say this;  we have our own reasons for setting our rsvp date when we did and our own reasons for following up when we are.  Those reasons are our own and the timing of these things is not the topic of discussion. The topic of discussion, as I posted it, is the wording of the follow-up. Thank you for your feedback, but please keep it on topic.
Posted by keziah23[/QUOTE]

Well, that kind of attitude won't get you far around here, trust me. 

I agree with tenofcups that I would send a more personal e-mail to each person instead of the form letter style.

ohwhynot

I'd wait as long as you possibly can before calling.   I don't know what your "drop-dead" date is, but if it's really unreasonably early, people may just not be able to tell you yet.  

When the time comes, I'd call, not email, and actually talk with the people a bit before getting to the business about the rsvp.  It just seems more polite that way. 

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-follow-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:433f6c3c-b5c5-487c-86c5-51256d2f0124Post:86cc52a3-b4fb-4939-b5d4-0ed4a51b68af">Re: rsvp follow-up</a>:
[QUOTE]Before we go any further down that road, I will say this;  we have our own reasons for setting our rsvp date when we did and our own reasons for following up when we are.  Those reasons are our own and the timing of these things is not the topic of discussion. The topic of discussion, as I posted it, is the wording of the follow-up. Thank you for your feedback, but please keep it on topic.
Posted by keziah23[/QUOTE]

Well, without further details it makes it awfully hard for me to help you.

nda_roxybabe

Milk duds! How did I not think of that. That's whats going on huh?

keziah23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-follow-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:433f6c3c-b5c5-487c-86c5-51256d2f0124Post:7c71388c-0373-4fe6-8cfb-8a23bbfa3a70">Re: rsvp follow-up</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rsvp follow-up : Well, without further details it makes it awfully hard for me to help you.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
It should not be hard to help me when I asked a very straightforward question.

nda_roxybabe

Someone on your own board with a wedding a week after yours in't even expecting their replies until June 26th. Why do you need yours now?

keziah23

that is irrelevant

mags0607

I think your attitude leaves something to be desired, but I'll answer anyway. Use tenofcups wording if you are going to do email, and make it personal, since by traditional standard, email is a non-personal form of communication.

Can you only RSVP via the website, or can people RSVP by mailing in the traditional card/postcard? I only ask this, because if you email me the link to a website, and I can just click and be done with it, I am much more likely to actually do it right then. If I have to mail in a card, I won't remember as easily by getting an email, but I would if you called and talked to me.

ohwhynot

Keziah, the note you posted sounds very curt and borderline rude to me.  If you insist on sending emails rather than making personal calls, at the very least personalize them and act as if you are hoping they can make it.  Just saying "let us know" isn't exactly welcoming, imo.

ETA:  the fact that you have about half of your guests not responding indicates that your early deadline, and perhaps something in the wording of your invitations and/or rsvps is putting people off.  You may want to seriously consider how you are coming across to people.  You don't care about how we feel about you, but you probably care about how your friends/family are reading you. 

mags0607

Oh, and people still might not RSVP this early, just because they may not know yet if they can make it. They also might be looking at your RSVP like the rest of us, and thinking to themselves that they still have a lot of time before you really need to know.

keziah23

I did not mean to be rude, but as I tried to explain once, my reasons are my own and not open to discussion at this time. 

The rsvp's were phone/email/website.  Its a very casual wedding with 90%+ of the guest list being OOT. 

nda_roxybabe

To me it's relevant because I would not appreciate a reminder to RSVP so early, I would not necessarily know at this point if I could make it. Even if it is OOT.

tenofcups4me

Oh wow, I didn't realize it was still almost 2 months to your wedding when I wrote my initial response. No surprise that you're missing tons of responses. Go ahead and email and call if you insist on doing it now, but just know that regardless of what people tell you, your numbers will probably be off if you make people give you an answer now. At least some of your yesses will turn to no; and no to yes. It's too early to ask people to commit to a date.

danieliza1127

I think given the fact that you're requesting the RSVPs so early, it's only right to make the e-mails personal.  That way you can acknowledge that you know it's early but you were hoping they would be able to RSVP and let you know if they can make it or not.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Actually it's NOT irrelevant. The reason you're missing so many RSVPs is because people know you don't need your numbers to your caterer 6 weeks out. They'll let you know when they themselves know. The reason we're harping on this is because it's borderline rude to press your guests for a decision so early.

But my opinion still stands. You should make it more personal, ideally with a phone call. Like OhWhyNot said, that way you can chat with them before mentioning the wedding, rather than have them think you're ONLY calling because of your catering numbers.

klynn86

It doesn't matter whether 100% of your guests are OOT, you still shouldn't require a RSVP so soon.  My FI is from Zimbabwe (yes, Africa) and more than half are coming from UK, Australia and countries across Africa.  Even though their invites for our 10/16 wedding went out last month, the RSVP date is still the same, 4 weeks before the wedding date.

For your response you're looking for though, I agree with the PPs who said write a personal email to them.  The mass email seems impersonal and pushy, especially when prying for a response for the wedding.  Send them each a personal email and fit in the RSVP question in somewhere.

JoyTate1

My RSVP date is 2 weeks before, because I can tell the caterer final numbers 5 days prior.  Most of our guests are also OOT.  We plan on calling people who have not sent their RSVP by the given date (or having FMIL call her guest list, since I have never met any of those people).  Calling is best IMO.

Anthriel22

You should definitely call each person individually.  We plan on doing so after the RSVP date we had on our invites.