Wedding Etiquette Forum

I asked my sister to be my bridesmaid

she said she did not know, our grandmother said that it is because she cant afford a dress but she doesnt even sound happy we set a date, should I keep asking her or find someone else?

I have 2 sisters, the one I had posted about earlier is my maid of honor she helped me choose the dresses, I have a matron of honor because my sisters really dont have a lot of money and I know that Sherry will be able to help them with parties and make sure neither the matron of maid feel there is too many dutiesLaughing
but I would really like our youngest sister she is 18 to be part of my wedding Frown

Re: I asked my sister to be my bridesmaid

  • I am buying the dresses
  • Being in the wedding party can be a huge financial burden, so that may be the reason. She's your sister, so you should be able to talk to her about it.  Tell her you would love to have her in your wedding but if that would make her uncomfortable then you understand that she won't be.  I asked my one brother, but since he is legally blind he said he would do it if we needed another groomsman but he would prefer not to.  Ultimately he was an "usher" and escorted my mom down the aisle.  So if you really want your sister in your wedding perhaps you can find a role that she feels most comfortable in.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asked-sister-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:440e9fea-6843-4dbc-984b-d72db0c5681fPost:ace3a842-5e60-425f-9fa3-5acab00acd37">I asked my sister to be my bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]she said she did not know, our grandmother said that it is because she cant afford a dress but she doesnt even sound happy we set a date, should I keep asking her or find someone else? I have 2 sisters, the one I had posted about earlier is my maid of honor she helped me choose the dresses, I have a matron of honor because <strong>my sisters really dont have a lot of money and I know that Sherry will be able to help them with parties and make sure neither the matron of maid feel there is too many duties</strong> but I would really like our youngest sister she is 18 to be part of my wedding
    Posted by Jagrus[/QUOTE]

    Holy run on sentences, batman!  Your post is very confusing because of lack of periods and I am having a really difficult time understanding your questions.  However, there are no matron of honor or bridesmaids "duties".  Did you ask one sister to be your maid of honor and then later on ask your other sister to be a bridesmaid?  I can understand why this would be hurtful and how the second sister could feel she was an afterthought.    Talk to her?  Explain that you are buying the dresses so money should not be an issue (she does NOT need to spend money on anything else).  If she still does not want to be in your wedding, be understanding and move on.  No one is going to be as excited about wedding mile stones such as "setting a date" as you are, so try not to be too offended.
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  • LisaChris2011LisaChris2011 member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asked-sister-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:440e9fea-6843-4dbc-984b-d72db0c5681fPost:ace3a842-5e60-425f-9fa3-5acab00acd37">I asked my sister to be my bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]she said she did not know, our grandmother said that it is because she cant afford a dress but she doesnt even sound happy we set a date,<strong> </strong>should I keep asking her or find someone else? I have 2 sisters, the one I had posted about earlier is my maid of honor she helped me choose the dresses, I have a matron of honor<strong> because my sisters really dont have a lot of money and I know that Sherry will be able to help them with parties and make sure neither the matron of maid feel there is too many duties but I would really like our youngest sister she is 18 to be part of my wedding
    </strong>Posted by Jagrus[/QUOTE]

    You don't choose wedding party members based on their availability to help out with duties.  You choose them based on how much you want them to be a part of your day.  Your MOH and bridesmaids have no obligation to help out with anything other than buy a dress and show up on the day of the wedding.  Traditionally, yes, wedding party throws the parties, is organized for you, helps you with this and that, etc. etc. but to EXPECT them to is rude.  Please get this now: do not expect anything.  Have that attitude now and you'll save your wedding party a lot of resentment towards you.

    Give your sister time to respond to your bridesmaid request.  Don't give her a "deadline" to respond by either. If she comes to you and talks about money issues, etc. let her know you asked her to be your bridesmaid because you love her, not because how much she can afford or be available to help with.
  • According to your bio your wedding isn't until July of 2012.  Give her some time to think about it.  You don't need to know her answer at this point in time. 

    Did you make it known that you're the one purchasing the dress?  All she is really required to do for you is wear the dress and stand at the wedding.
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  • Ditto PP.  You don't need to answer these questions for awhile.  Give her some time to consider it, let her know you're planning on paying for the dresses, and then let it be for now.
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  • You have plenty of time. Please sit down and talk to your sister about how she is feeling (maybe she doesn't care - I don't know how close you are - or maybe she's hurt that the other sister was MOH and she's "just" a BM), as well as mentioning that you will be buying the dresses so all she would have to do is show up and support you! [: 

    Second Note: From what I read in your post - you picked Sherry because she had money... which doesn't make any sense. Please don't be that selfish. Best of luck with the rest of your planning! 
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  • GIve your sister some time, and explain that you just want her there on your special day, and she doesn't need to do anythign else.

    On another note, I find it crazy how insistent everyone on theknot is that the MOH and BMs have no actual duties but showing up and walking down the aisle on your wedding day, but flip out of you are planning your own shower of bachelorette party.  They say, your MOH should be throwing it... 
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  • My little sister and my FI's little sister are both 16 (almost 17 on our wedding day). 

    We are paying for the wedding ourselves and since money is tight for everyone and our sisters don't have jobs we will be picking up the tab on their dresses as well. 

    If you're able to perhaps you could offer your sister that and see if she gets more excited.  If she still seems unexcited I'd talk to her and see if there is a reason she is not happy or wanting to be a part of the wedding.  Is she hurt that she's not also MOH?
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