S/O cash bars monster...

LuluP82

So, I posted this in the thread but it probably got lost.

If you're offended by a cash bar, would it bother you even more if the words cash bar were on the invite?

If you're not offended by a cash bar, then are you okay with the words cash bar on the invite?

And if you're having a cash bar because you don't care about hosting etiquette and think your friends and family don't care and no one will talk about you behind your back, then why are concerned about the invite saying cash bar on it?

I'm honestly confused.

In my view, you either care about etiquette or you don't, and if you don't, then why ask the question?

Habs2Hart

Do we really need a third thread on cash bars? It is the same argument every single time...

mica178

You're asking overly rational, logical questions, Lulu.  :P

Celles

If it was lost in the other thread, it's probably because it wasn't that interesting to begin with.  :P  I'm with Habs; let it go.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bars-monster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44ea8ede-1a55-49a2-be67-3d8433551d28Post:91c6b0c9-ee60-4b7e-9194-e25dbb33a536">S/O cash bars monster...</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I posted this in the thread but it probably got lost. <strong>If you're offended by a cash bar, would it bother you even more if the words cash bar were on the invite?</strong> If you're not offended by a cash bar, then are you okay with the words cash bar on the invite? And if you're having a cash bar because you don't care about hosting etiquette and think your friends and family don't care and no one will talk about you behind your back, then why are concerned about the invite saying cash bar on it? I'm honestly confused. In my view, you either care about etiquette or you don't, and if you don't, then why ask the question?
Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]

So... there are varying degrees, IMO, of cash bar rudeness. I'm not particularly put out by people hosting a limited bar. (Not like "just during cocktail hour" but I mean like just beer and wine, or even select types of beer and wine.) Oftentimes if you're having your event at a hotel or restaurant, they CAN technically make a mixed drink or a premium cocktail. And someone CAN technically ask the bartender about it and then agree to forego the free stuff and pay for it. But I think advertising that someone has to pay for something is uncouth. Which is why I would favor a sign with what's being hosted if it's very limited. But I wouldn't put something like, "everything else available for purchase." Because to me, it's kind of like not pointed out who isn't invited, right? Try not to make people think about what you aren't providing for them.

jemmini6

Just because you aren't offended by cash bars doesn't mean that you should put it on the invite.  I'm not offended by registries, but they still don't go on the invite....why would cash bars go on there?

SilverLining1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bars-monster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44ea8ede-1a55-49a2-be67-3d8433551d28Post:ce52a019-d516-4376-b38e-c9a66f540f90">Re: S/O cash bars monster...</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because you aren't offended by cash bars doesn't mean that you should put it on the invite.  I'm not offended by registries, but they still don't go on the invite....why would cash bars go on there?
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't really think these are comparable. Registries don't go on the invite because it's presumptuous. Putting a cash bar on the invite is a way of letting the guests know what to expect so that they can prepare if they like.</div>

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bars-monster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44ea8ede-1a55-49a2-be67-3d8433551d28Post:be78a494-ee98-49e1-a376-8b7782fdae1a">Re: S/O cash bars monster...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O cash bars monster... : I don't really think these are comparable. Registries don't go on the invite because it's presumptuous. Putting a cash bar on the invite is a way of letting the guests know what to expect so that they can prepare if they like.
Posted by SilverLining1[/QUOTE]

That's true, but for some reason, I just feel that information is better spread by word of mouth or websites.

em01092

Eh, I wouldn't put it on my invites (I'm having an open bar, btw) but if I saw it on another's, I probably would not have thought twice about it. I would have likely figured they wanted guests to know to bring cash for drinks, not them being tacky. Maybe if I knew the people and knew they splurged on everything but the drinks, I would have raised a brow, but otherwise, whatever. 

I know I'm somewhat in the minority about cash bars (I don't care if people have them) and I'm not having one, but I think some people will always have them so they are something we have to deal with, no matter how much we tell people they shouldn't have one.  As I said before, I like liquor based drinks and I feel jipped when people say/do the whole just beer and wine thing. I like options and I realize liquor is out of budget for some people. It's really whatever to me and I would never think less of someone for doing so, unless maybe it was as I stated above. 

I admit I was very ignorant of wedding protocol until coming here and learning etiquette rules, so maybe that is why I'm still lax about it. I don't mean that in a bitchy way, just a matter of fact way. Also, I know that just because I don't get offended doesn't mean it's not tacky or rude to others/etiquette in general. 

 

blush64

I don't like cash bars and it's wrong to put it on the invite but if I were to attend a cash bar wedding I would want to know ahead of time.

I guess most people would do it word of mouth or website but there are some people who will not find out that way.

SilverLining1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bars-monster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44ea8ede-1a55-49a2-be67-3d8433551d28Post:e94ee189-b0c5-47dc-a99c-de1d309d20b2">Re: S/O cash bars monster...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O cash bars monster... : That's true, but for some reason, I just feel that information is better spread by word of mouth or websites.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree, the invite would be a weird place to put it. I'd rather find out that way than not at all, though. I'd probably look twice at it, but it wouldn't really matter to me.</div>

MyNameIsNot

I am offended by cash bars.  Not offended in the way I would be by a racial slur, but offended in that I would be put off.  

I'd honestly prefer to see it on the invitation.  Considering cash bars just aren't done in my circle, it's something I wouldn't be expecting, or even think to look into.  I'd want to know right off the bat that these people are going to be crappy hosts, and I can plan accordingly.  

CassieeK

I don't like cash bars, but I agree I'd want to know.  It wouldn't bother me to see it on the invitation.

jaycee7389

Cash bars are frowned upon in my social circle, but I would actually prefer it to be listed on the invitation if it were going to be one. No one really carries cash around, and especially not to a wedding. So I would be even more put off if I was expecting an open bar and then found out it was a cash bar but didn't have any cash.

Maybe this is presumptuous, but I think people assume "open bar" if nothing is stated otherwise.

LuluP82

Thanks everyone. It clarified my question. I'm not a fan of the cash bar, but I think if you're going to have it, that's what I'm going to side-eye-- not the fact that it's on the invite.

And sorry for starting another thread to those who were so bothered by this one. Of course, you don't have to open threads about cash bars if you're sick of them. I click on lots of threads that don't sound interesting to me.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bars-monster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44ea8ede-1a55-49a2-be67-3d8433551d28Post:1a425761-2af4-4916-84e8-6b0934716e1b">Re: S/O cash bars monster...</a>:
[QUOTE]Cash bars are frowned upon in my social circle, but I would actually prefer it to be listed on the invitation if it were going to be one. No one really carries cash around, and especially not to a wedding. So I would be even more put off if I was expecting an open bar and then found out it was a cash bar but didn't have any cash. <strong>Maybe this is presumptuous, but I think people assume "open bar" if nothing is stated otherwise</strong>.
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]

Yeah, this is presumptious.  I've only been to 2 hosted bars weddings in my life (one was only beer/wine) so I always assume it's a cash bar.  Different strokes for different folks I suppose....

bridezillatobe2009

here everyone has a cash bar and I HATE it when people use the argument: "if you went to xyz's house you wouldn't pay for your drink". Actually if I go to a friends for some drinks I bring my wine. If they come here they bring their beer.

As much as I would like to pay for people to get soused at my wedding, it's a wedding and not a bar. Booze does not = a requirement for a celebration. If people are offended that I'm not spending thousands of dollars on their drinks they I guess they just don't have to have drinks!

badkittyct

I hate cash bars. That being said, I had some friends who got married a couple years back and they had a cash bar. They did not tell anyone about it at all so there was no word of mouth. All the guests arrived for cocktail hour and when the bartender said "That'll be $7.50" everyone kind of stared at each other with their jaws on the floor wondering if it was a mistake. I don't carry cash at weddings so I had to quickly find FI so I didn't turn into a dead beat for the bartender. It didn't help that the reception was up a narrow steep flight of stairs that many of the older guests have difficulty with as well.

I would rather someone find a way to let the guests know if it was a cash bar ahead of time.

caseyhaynes429

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bars-monster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:44ea8ede-1a55-49a2-be67-3d8433551d28Post:a5f3e62b-0d41-4f4c-a765-30325da3eaef">Re: S/O cash bars monster...</a>:
[QUOTE]here everyone has a cash bar and I HATE it when people use the argument: "if you went to xyz's house you wouldn't pay for your drink". Actually if I go to a friends for some drinks I bring my wine. If they come here they bring their beer. As much as I would like to pay for people to get soused at my wedding, it's a wedding and not a bar. Booze does not = a requirement for a celebration. If people are offended that I'm not spending thousands of dollars on their drinks they I guess they just don't have to have drinks!
Posted by bridezillatobe2009[/QUOTE]

My exact thoughts as well. I refuse to go into debt so people can get hammered at my wedding.

RivelAmy

I agree with caseyhaynes and bridezilla2be...I personally have NEVER been to a complete open bar wedding (maybe I just don't run with a high enough social circle!), but I don't think it's unacceptable to have a cash bar. I always have cash on me and expect to pay for my own drinks at a wedding, so it has never been a problem.

FYI-we are having a backyard wedding so it will obviously be "open bar" with the alcohol provided by us, but if I was getting married in a hall/hotel/expensive venue, it would most definitely be cash bar.

And if the guests don't like it, then they don't have to drink alcohol.

Amynutrition

In my hair-brained opinion....the words "cash bar" on the invite make me think
"Give them smaller gift so I can bring $$ for the bar"

but I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar

jdrose5

In my circle of friends most events are BYOB so I think that is equavilent to a cash bar.   Since that is the norm for us, then so to is cash bars. 

Only thing that irks me is when you don't let me know there is a cash bar.  I have only been to dry receptions and cash bars but I feel I should know.   I have no issue with it in on the invite or spread word of mouth.  Just if you opt for word of mouth make sure the word gets out. 

amys325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bars-monster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:44ea8ede-1a55-49a2-be67-3d8433551d28Post:8a04ddaf-b5a8-4ecb-b897-f05f311441e3">Re: S/O cash bars monster...</a>:
[QUOTE]In my hair-brained opinion....the words "cash bar" on the invite make me think "Give them smaller gift so I can bring $$ for the bar" but I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar
Posted by Amynutrition[/QUOTE]

And I find that to be a completely reasonable way of thinking.  If you would normally give $150, give $100.  I'm sure the B&G wouldnt think twice about it.