Wedding Etiquette Forum

Ugh vent. FFIL. long

Last year I (and fi) switched apartments with fi's father after his step mother passed away. We had a single bedroom and his father had a half of a double (he has section 8 so he had to move). Anyway, he is getting out of control. He comes over just about every night to borrow something or complain about something. I call him the princess. He cares about no one but himself, literally. FI has a horrible back history with his father.

He will come over and ring the doorbell  repeatedly while knocking and calling my name until I answer the door. Most of the time its just to drop his mail off or borrow something. (Fi is his representative payee and in charge of his finances). I have had to get out of the shower and out of bed ( he knows i work third on certain days) to answer the door because he will not go away until I answer it.

We share a basement so he always comes over to go down there for any reason possible. There is an outside door that he has access to but he rather go through our house. He refuses to take off his shoes and tracks mud all over.

He comes over and tells me that I should move my furniture because the way he had his was better.

I dealt with all of this because I felt his situation had to be stressful and after losing his wife he was most likely lonely and the move had to take a toll on him, until now. 

I came home from work the other day and he comes over to tell me he had friend of his walk through my house to check the gauges in my heaters (my furnace blew and the landlord needed to know the pressure in order to buy the correct unit) so he took it upon himself to bring someone into my house. He told me I had a carbon monoxide leak.

First! How did you and your FRIEND get into my house? Second, I have a co monitor so no I don't. Well he tells me he went through the outside door and picked the basement lock to get in. He tells me they went through EVERY room in my house. Then he tells me the reason my co monitor never went off was because when he was down there a couple months ago, he unplugged it to use his table saw and never plugged it back in.!

I came home from work 2 days later to find somebody jiggling my back door. The gas company was there so I figured it was them. I open the door and low and behold I find ffil sticking a key, A KEY, into my back door.

After he moved he went and made a key for our back door before exchanging keys with us and never told us!

Apparently he uses it to get in quite often when he needs to borrow tools or OR when he needs a beer. Mystery solved, our beer wasn't just vanishing.

Am I over reacting?
I am just beyond sick of this, I think I would react differently if Fi was close with him but that is not the case.

Cliff notes: FFIL comes into my apartment and takes things without us knowing. He had a key made and never told us.

Re: Ugh vent. FFIL. long

  • Ditto, move.  That's probably the only way he will move back to NJ, too.  If he can't mooch anymore, he'll probably leave.


    And, invest in some good earplugs.

  • Yup, I'd say moving is the only option.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • first, change the locks...all of them
    second, have fi talk to him and tell him he is not to come over without calling first...and he is not to bang on your door until someone answers.

    if he insists on banging on the door, don't answer....if he continues (after being told) call the police.

    the most important point is don't give in to him and your fiance MUST step up and tell him to knock it off!
  • Thanks for letting me vent! I needed it. FI and father are currently not on speaking terms. Oh well! The man does not know how to hae a civil conversation so fi freaked and told him to stay away.
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