Destination Wedding announcements... Help!

amberx03

I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to write our wedding announcements. We are getting married in Florida (live in Illinois) and only inviting about 25 family members and close friends for our small intimate affair. We are planning a reception when we get home and will be having a bridal shower before the actual wedding but in order to invite anyone to the bridal shower or even tell them about the wedding, I don’t want them to feel left out when they hear the news.

Can I send a letter/announcement to our friends and family that we wont be inviting to the actual wedding but keeping them informed and not left out that we will be having a destination wedding, unfair to ask everyone to come because of the costs it would potentially put on them and we are having a celebration when we get home. I don’t know how to word this?! Anyone ever run into this issue?

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-announcements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45807c0c-a5d2-4737-a9bd-bbb8be816689Post:83c02afd-0d4b-4dde-99fe-2a6b91938cdf">Destination Wedding announcements... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to write our wedding announcements. We are getting married in Florida (live in Illinois) and only inviting about 25 family members and close friends for our small intimate affair. We are planning a reception when we get home and will be having a bridal shower before the actual wedding but in order to invite anyone to the bridal shower or even tell them about the wedding, I don’t want them to feel left out when they hear the news. Can I send a letter/announcement to our friends and family that we wont be inviting to the actual wedding but keeping them informed and not left out that we will be having a destination wedding, unfair to ask everyone to come because of the costs it would potentially put on them and we are having a celebration when we get home. I don’t know how to word this?! Anyone ever run into this issue?
Posted by amberx03[/QUOTE]


Announcements go out AFTER you're married.  Anything sent before is just a slap in the face to those not invited.

I'm also iffy on the AHR.  People should really be invited to the wedding and then the AHR if they are unable to attend the DW.

Mrs.B6302007

Oh and you absolutely CAN NOT include anyone in the bridal shower if they aren't going to receive an invite to the wedding.

baystateapple

This is a sticky situation.  No, you shouldn't send out wedding announcements before the wedding to the people who you aren't inviting to the actual wedding.  Nobody wants to be told that they aren't going to be invited to something.

You can send out wedding announcements after your wedding to those people you are inviting to the AHR.  "Come to a reception celebrating the wedding of Bride and Groom", etc.  But those, again, shouldn't go out until after the wedding.

You also shouldn't invite anyone to the shower who isn't invited to the wedding.  It's never a good idea, because it sends the message 'you aren't good enough to come witness our actual wedding ceremony, but you can come to a shower and give me a present."

amberx03

Did you have a destination wedding? Ive read many articles on this website alone that say as long as you make people feel included, you can have a reception and/or bridal shower... thats why I dont know what to do beucase my first impression on a bridal shower was no way but everyone that knows about us getting married (the mother of the groom has told everyone the date) have been asking the date of the bridal shower... If they are expecting it, why not have one?

nurse.misty

You could post this on the DW board to see what other brides in your situation have done.

That being said, wedding announcements go out after the wedding. I don't really think it's good to keep people informed of an event they aren't invited to. You can't possibly know everyone's financial situation, so saying that it would put a burden on them trying to pay for it may come across wrong. When we were planning a DW we were going to have an AHR as well. I had worded them so that it said something like "Bride and Groom will be wed in a private ceremony in Jamaice on this date and time. Join us in a celebration of their union on this date and time."

Good luck.

nurse.misty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-announcements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:45807c0c-a5d2-4737-a9bd-bbb8be816689Post:f823e7ce-2938-45c4-915a-45b01695c4da">Re: Destination Wedding announcements... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you have a destination wedding? Ive read many articles on this website alone that say as long as you make people feel included, you can have a reception and/or bridal shower... thats why I dont know what to do beucase my first impression on a bridal shower was no way but everyone that knows about us getting married (the mother of the groom has told everyone the date) have been asking the date of the bridal shower... <strong>If they are expecting it, why not have one?
</strong>Posted by amberx03[/QUOTE]

Because you asked this on an etiquette board, and etiquette says only those invited to the wedding are invited to pre-wedding parties.

amberx03

Thanks for all of your advice!  I think I will go back to my idea of NO shower and keep the idea of a reception on the back burner for now.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-announcements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:45807c0c-a5d2-4737-a9bd-bbb8be816689Post:f823e7ce-2938-45c4-915a-45b01695c4da">Re: Destination Wedding announcements... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you have a destination wedding? Ive read many articles on this website alone that say as long as you make people feel included, you can have a reception and/or bridal shower... thats why I dont know what to do beucase my first impression on a bridal shower was no way but everyone that knows about us getting married (the mother of the groom has told everyone the date) have been asking the date of the bridal shower... If they are expecting it, why not have one?
Posted by amberx03[/QUOTE]

I'm having a DW.

I'm not having a bridal shower. As inviting people to a shower who are not invited to the wedding is horribly rude. It tells them they are good enough to give you a gift, but not good enough to be invited to the wedding. If you choose to have a non-traditional wedding, you give up the traditional elements. It was your choice. You have to deal with that. Just decline any bridal showers where non-guests would be invited.  

I'm sending announcements out the day I get married. (from the destination).

His parents want to host a party for us after we get back, but it will be more of a causal party, not a reception or anything. Just a party to honor us. As I find it rude to the guests to pretend it is a traditional reception.

The knot is a site that wants you (& others) to spend money. So of course anything related to spending money will be encouraged no matter if it is rude.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-announcements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45807c0c-a5d2-4737-a9bd-bbb8be816689Post:b91dfacf-c166-40e6-bd06-5273bb254f73">Re: Destination Wedding announcements... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all of your advice!  I think I will go back to my idea of NO shower and keep the idea of a reception on the back burner for now.
Posted by amberx03[/QUOTE]

I think the no shower idea is a good plan.  Also, it sounds like from reading your post that you are worried about imposing the costs of traveling to the DW on your guests.  If you want them to come, invite them and let them decide if they can afford it and want to make the trip.  If you invite everyone to the wedding ceremony and let them choose, the issue of showers and at home receptions is a much less sticky subject. 

Mrs.B6302007

You can definitely have a party after your HM. If it's more of a "our first party as a married couple" BBQ/themed casual party rather than a wedding reception, it shouldn't offend anyone who wasn't invited to the wedding.  No wedding decorations and such.  Throw a luau themed party - those are always fun!