Thank you for listening

twinkles2003

If you clicked on this thank you for listening.  I'm in tears right now.  I HATE my future sister-in-law.  She the most inconsiderate, lying, self-centered person and I feel badly my brother.  I just want to scream and kick something!!!  There are how many more months of this bridezilla???  I DO NOT want to be in the wedding yet I'm being forced.  I don't want to hurt my brother but I cannot take this girl and her beyond unreasonable demands.  She's lied to the bridesmaids about so many things already.  I asked to just be a guest and my brother said he'll pay for my dress but I have to buy everything else she wants to just keep her happy.  Let me just give you one recent quote, there are multiple per day.  She point blank said - let me copy and paste it so I don't get a word wrong.

"I have spent lots of money on bridesmaids dresses that weren't in my budget so you all have to do it and you have to do it now.  I don't have to ask bridesmaids what they can afford, you have to buy whatever I say, it's my day.  That's how being a bridesmaid works."

Please...some help, suggestions, or moral support.  I can't deal with this attitude for a year.  My mom and husband cannot believe what she's doing.  I forwarded my brother all of the emails after I asked to just be a guest.  He asked me to just do whatever she asks because he can't deal with her.  I love my brother but I honestly cannot stand this girl now that I've seen her true colors.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-listening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45a4fcf4-2075-46ca-861a-5188cf935cb0Post:3a05640f-8545-42cc-935a-d1b254d73828">Thank you for listening</a>:
[QUOTE]If you clicked on this thank you for listening.  I'm in tears right now.  I HATE my future sister-in-law.  She the most inconsiderate, lying, self-centered person and I feel badly my brother.  I just want to scream and kick something!!!  There are how many more months of this bridezilla???  I DO NOT want to be in the wedding yet I'm being forced.  I don't want to hurt my brother but I cannot take this girl and her beyond unreasonable demands.  She's lied to the bridesmaids about so many things already.  I asked to just be a guest and my brother said he'll pay for my dress but I have to buy everything else she wants to just keep her happy.  Let me just give you one recent quote, there are multiple per day.  She point blank said - let me copy and paste it so I don't get a word wrong. "I have spent lots of money on bridesmaids dresses that weren't in my budget so you all have to do it and you have to do it now.  I don't have to ask bridesmaids what they can afford, you have to buy whatever I say, it's my day.  That's how being a bridesmaid works." Please...some help, suggestions, or moral support.  I can't deal with this attitude for a year.  My mom and husband cannot believe what she's doing.  I forwarded my brother all of the emails after I asked to just be a guest. <strong> He asked me to just do whatever she asks because he can't deal with her.</strong>  I love my brother but I honestly cannot stand this girl now that I've seen her true colors.
Posted by twinkles2003[/QUOTE]


Sounds like the bigger issue here is that your brother and FSIL have a relationship problem if he already can't deal with her.  He sounds whipped.

Now this is just me but I would be totally okay with writing a check and stepping down with no worries about my future relationship with her, especially if others are seeing her childish behavior as well. 

lbarr088

Your brother needs to grow a spine and realize how much this is hurting you.  Yes this is his future wife but she has absolutely no right to tell you how to spend your money based upon how she chooses to spend hers.  That is unfair and completely ignorant.  Unless someone has a gun to your head (edit: which I don't believe they do) I would bow out of the wedding party.  This will cause a ruckus but in the long run it will save your wallet and your sanity.  This woman is cray cray.

ETA:  I agree with PP.  If you can't handle your SO and learn how to speak with them when issues arise you are whipped.  Not a good situation.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-listening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45a4fcf4-2075-46ca-861a-5188cf935cb0Post:3a05640f-8545-42cc-935a-d1b254d73828">Thank you for listening</a>:
[QUOTE]He asked me to just do whatever she asks because he can't deal with her. 
Posted by twinkles2003[/QUOTE]
Uh. What's he doing, then, with the marrying and such?

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-listening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45a4fcf4-2075-46ca-861a-5188cf935cb0Post:33f4e34a-fb82-4746-90bd-d29727ed016b">Re: Thank you for listening</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Thank you for listening : Uh. What's he doing, then, with the marrying and such?
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

<div>Obviously she has his balls in a vice and instead of handling it he said "will you marry me?"</div>

AmethystMSU

I would step down. Sounds like your mom and H are on your side. Your FSIL is being completely unreasonable and there's no reason for you to have to put up with it.

banana468

I'd step down and run.

Maggie0829

Drop out of the wedding and run away as fast as you can!!  No one can force you to be in this wedding if you don't want to.  I would talk with your brother and tell him that you love him but that you just don't want to be involved in the wedding anymore and that you would be happy to be a guest.  Be there to support your brother, because it sounds like he is going to need it, but don't put yourself through this if you don't want to.  Put on your big girl pants and tell this crazy lady that you are done!

BubbsNBubbs

I would think long and hard about stepping out of the wedding.  If my brother was asking me to be in his wedding, I would support him and his decision to marry her......AFTER I had a come to jesus talk with him about her and her lack of concern for his family's feelings.  I would also point out that he shouldn't feel that way about his future wife and he needs to take a serious look at whether or not he REALLY wants to marry her.

  If after the talk...he still wants you to be in his wedding...then be in the wedding....and wear the dress....and just do what you want in regards to her demands.  Wear THIS shoe....sorry BRIDEZILLA, I will be wearing these.  Wear your hair like this!...sorry Bridezilla....it's in my budget to do this instead. 

If she just can't put up with your adult way of handling the situation and kicks you out...she looks like the BIA....not you for dropping out of your brother's wedding.  I know it sucks that you would be judged for dropping out...but if she is as bad as you say, after you dropped out I would be willing to bet she would be trash talking you to high heaven.  Be the bigger person and rise above.

mkrupar

If your brother is that adamant about you being in the WP he can have you stand on his side. I'd tell him that's the only way I'm still doing it. Otherwise I'm out. I don't care how much crap she may talk about me. You do not treat people like that.

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-listening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45a4fcf4-2075-46ca-861a-5188cf935cb0Post:f0804be0-3ecd-45e5-8ce7-e9c5b28e494b">Re: Thank you for listening</a>:
[QUOTE]I would think long and hard about stepping out of the wedding.  If my brother was asking me to be in his wedding, I would support him and his decision to marry her...... AFTER I had a come to jesus talk with him about her and her lack of concern for his family's feelings.  I would also point out that he shouldn't feel that way about his future wife and he needs to take a serious look at whether or not he REALLY wants to marry her.   If after the talk...he still wants you to be in his wedding...then be in the wedding....and wear the dress....and just do what you want in regards to her demands.  Wear THIS shoe....sorry BRIDEZILLA, I will be wearing these.  Wear your hair like this!...sorry Bridezilla....it's in my budget to do this instead.  If she just can't put up with your adult way of handling the situation and kicks you out...she looks like the BIA....not you for dropping out of your brother's wedding.  I know it sucks that you would be judged for dropping out...but if she is as bad as you say, after you dropped out I would be willing to bet she would be trash talking you to high heaven.  Be the bigger person and rise above.
Posted by BubbsNBubbs[/QUOTE]

<div>Be the bigger person and deal with this craziness?  I think not.  I understand what you are saying but clearly this is causing a lot of distress for her.  I do not recommend staying a situation that is causing stress, crying, etc.  Bridezilla clearly doesn't care and I have a feeling a come to jesus talk would not change the situation but make it worse.  She could try but I think for her mental health and wellbeing as well as her wallet she should just back out.  If she plays the whole my budget doesn't allow me to get those game, she will just be pegged as being difficult.  Also, the bridezilla seems to have made it clear about how she feels other people need to spend their money.  Ultimately the OP's brother needs to have the come to jesus talk with HIS FI. </div>

staceycaine

This is more your brother's problem than yours. He's an adult (although not acting like one), and he will have to "deal with her." YOU get to deal with her how YOU see fit, and it's not "just doing what she says." Do NOT be in this wedding. This is ridiculous. 

heb557

My advice to you, step down from being in the wedding.

My advice to you brother, safe himself from being bound in holy matrimony with her. ESPECIALLY if he "can't deal" with her now.<--I suppose that's harsh, but that's reality.

So sorry your going thru this.

lyndausvi

I say drop out.  

As much as I would love to tell her the real reason (she is a crazy biitch), I would simply say that you just do not have the funds to be able met all of her expectatons.