Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invitation etiquette

Hi all!  Hoping I can get some input on invitation-wording etiquette.

My brother is getting married next month and, obviously, we received our invitations awhile ago.  The wording on the invitations lists the bride's parents as hosts, and does not list my parents at all (not as co-hosts or the whole "son of Mr. and Mrs. ...").  The wedding is being paid for by both sets of parents, although it's probably about a 60% vs. 40% contribution, I'd say.

My mother had not seen the invitations prior and was somewhat dissappointed when she saw the omission of their names when she got it in the mail.  She would never, ever, mention her feelings to my brother or his fiance but I feel somewhat bad for her.  I think it also didn't help matters that several relatives, who don't share my mother's tact, have called her and mentioned they found it odd/rude/etc. that the invite didn't list their names.  She just brushes them off rather than engaging.

So, I wanted to see what the consensus was on this.  I know a little about invite etiquette but thought I could get more perspective here.  Like I said, my Mom will never say anything or cause a stir but I'm trying to empathize with her. 

(FYI...I did think that it should at least have listed them under his name... but, I really don't care either, lol.)

Re: Invitation etiquette

  • I think the strictly traditional wording just lists the bride's parents, but I agree with you that if the bride's parents are going to be listed, I think the groom's parents should be too, even if it's just "son of".
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I think she's right to be disappointed; I would be too, but she seems to be handling it the right way. It doesn't seem worth causing a big thing over.
    Lizzie
  • If she is helping pay for the wedding, I can understand her disappointment at not being mentioned, although it is an antiquated tradition that the brides' parents are listed on the invitation (usually from the days when they paid and acted as hosts of the reception).

    FI and I are paying for the majority of our wedding by ourselves, but we put "Together with their parents" on the invitation because we didn't want anyone to feel left out.  We didn't include names because his father is estranged from the family, though he and FMIL have never divorced, and it just seemed awkward.

    I think that your mom has a right to feel hurt, but I also think she is handling it very gracefully.  The invitations are out, and there is nothing that can be done now.  She is reacting in the best way possible, and good for her.
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  • I would be hurt if I were her.  Did ur brother or FSIL not even ask her?  My FMIL is paying a good chunk of our reception and I asked her specifically how she wanted to be acknowledged on the invite.  (She said not at all, so we have generic "the pleasure of your company is requested" etc wording) but odd that no one even asked her!
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  • I concur with the group - I'd have listed them.  We paid for our wedding ourselves.  My ILs paid for the RD, and my parents paid for the welcome dinner.  Our invites read:

    Squirrly
    and
    soon-to-be-Mr. Squirrly

    together with their parents
    Mr. and Mrs. Bride
    Mr. and Mrs. Groom

    blah blah blah. . . ..
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  • I didn't list parents at all on our invitations.  Herbert and I were hosting, not them so we didn't include them.

    That is a strictly traditional, therefore proper, invitation wording.  The names on the invitation have nothing to do with who paid and everything to do with who is HOSTING the event.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Choco9Choco9 member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    Thanks for the replies!

    I don't know all the logistics but no, they never asked her anything about invites in advance.  Her family is very traditional so perhaps they just went with the old-skool format. 


  • We only listed my parents, but they paid for most of the wedding.  H's parents didn't contribute anything.  If they had, though, I would have put them on there.
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  • Yeah, that was pretty rude since your parents are paying too, but your mom is doing the right thing since it can't be changed at this point. 

    My mom is paying entirely for our extravagent wedding but she wanted to make sure it looked like the wedding was from all parents (incl my dad who's been divorced from her since I was little).  So ours say "My mom and my dad along with FI mom and FI dad invite you to share in their joy at the wedding of their children Jakstr0808 and FI"
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  • both sets of parents are contributing but we're paying for the bulk of it.  His parents are still married.  My mom is single, my dad is dating/engaged (on again off again crap) and she is also contributing.  there wasn't enough room for all of that mess so  I wrote:
    Together with their parents
    Bride & Groom
    Invite you to share in the joy
    of their wedding day.

    I agree that your mom was jipped.  Your mom is a very upstanding lady to just drop the subject.
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