Bachelorette Party Invites..

[Deleted User]

For my bachelorette party, my bridesmaids are putting together something low key.  We are taking one of those Chariots For Hire vans, getting picked up at my house, going to a few vineyards for wine tastings for the day, and then back to my house for a sleepover/shots/drinks/girlie stuff/hanging out.  It was going to be rather small since I think the van only holds 13 people.  That worked for my friends and a couple girls that I know on FI's side. 

I was going to invite FI's niece who FI is close to.  FI has also asked that I include his sisters.  Both are a good 20 years older than my group and myself and one is a raging alcoholic (studied/tested/chemical imbalance/can't stop drinking/rehab/suicide attempts/etc). His one sister would be fine but the other one I'm concerned with and I can't invite one and not the other.  I know it's not my place to police a grown woman but I can't help not wanting to be responsible for the fallout of a day that is fueled by alcohol.  Especially since I'll be drinking or have to stop once I see she's a mess.

Both are being invited to the bridal shower and yes, light alcohol is going to be served there, but there is an older crowd and FMIL, my mom, and such to help out with her.  I told FI my concerns but he got rather huffy and said then don't invite them. 

Any thoughts on what to do with his sister? 
Also, does everyone invited to the wedding have to be invited to both the bachelorette party and the bridal shower?  I thought the bachelorette party was more party with friends (that were invited to the wedding). 

wrigleyville

A b-party is generally your closest friends.

While it's a nice thought to include your FI's sisters, I'd probably decline. I realize he's being huffy, but I would present it as being rather unfair and inconsiderate to invite an alcoholic who has been to rehab to a day dedicated to visiting wineries. Present it in a sympathetic way: I would feel bad asking her to come along, knowing she'd be struggling to control herself all day while everyone else is enjoying themselves.

NOLAbridealmost

The alcoholic thing aside, your bachelorette party should be YOUR nearest and dearest (I actually believe your shower should be too, but some families treat them as an "every female relative" thing).  There's no reason to invite your FI's sisters.  Just tell your FI that space is limited in the van and you really want to have that day for just you and your best friends. Then move on.  He'll get over it.

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-invites-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:475bb47f-6ab0-4ea5-8b72-b511e61e63a4Post:c44b2453-9de1-48e9-8d4b-32a4d5aed65b">Re: Bachelorette Party Invites..</a>:
[QUOTE]A b-party is generally your closest friends. While it's a nice thought to include your FI's sisters, I'd probably decline. I realize he's being huffy, but I would present it as being rather unfair and inconsiderate to invite an alcoholic who has been to rehab to a day dedicated to visiting wineries. <strong>Present it in a sympathetic way: I would feel bad asking her to come along, knowing she'd be struggling to control herself all day while everyone else is enjoying themselves.</strong>
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with Wrigley here.  Especially the bolded part.</div>