Another WWYD

lmills730

Sorry so long...

the husband of one of the couples invited to our wedding was very ill and in the hospital and they sent their RSVP back as an expected NO very soon after we mailed invitations. Since that point, he has passed away.

The funeral services were today and although I was unable to attend, my parents were there. They called me this evening to let me know that the daughter and husband of the aforementioned couple mentioned "oh, you know, in a week or so, I think my mother may feel up to coming to the wedding, we will let you know".

Our wedding is 13 days away and we had to make the final payment in cash yesterday. I also had to turn in the seating chart and all of the placecards in to them as well.

My parents told the couple at the funeral that it was fine if she lets us know in a week or so. They told me that it is unrealistic of me to be upset or tell her that I need to know if she is coming because her husband just died.

While i am very sympathetic and understand..I am freaking out. The seating chart was very difficult to arrange and took hours and hours. The table that she would need to sit at is at its max capacity. FI and I also live out of state and all final payments have to be made in cash or by money order. I can't get payment to the venue (nor are we allowed to add guests) within 72 hours.

Maybe I am being crazy, but it really stresses me out that I may or may not have an addition to the guest list in a week and a half...

Meg1979

Wow, that's a difficult situation.  I don't think that you should be upset about it, but I also don't think it's unrealistic to get an answer from her. You have to pay up front.  You are really coming down to the last few days here.  You simply have to know.  Do you know her well-enough to call her yourself and gently ask if she is coming? If not, I would take her initial no as the answer.  It's not as if you have three months left.  You aren't permitted to add people to the guest list.  I'm sure if you explain that you would love to see her at the wedding, but you need an answer. 

As for the seating arrangement, you are going to have to fit her in somewhere.  If it means she can't sit where she wants, too bad.  I don't mean to be unsympathetic either because she's in a tough spot, but don't drive yourself nuts.

lmills730

i really don't know her at all. she lives further away from most of my family and is my grandmas sister...not sure what that makes me? her kids are my moms first cousins.

the major problem is, she is legally blind, and the only tables that have room left are ones with young people (like 12 and under) or the one with FI and I's friends that are in their mid to late 20s.

not only do i not feel comfortable calling her up in a normal situation, her husband just died.

I really just do not know what to do.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Now that we know she is older, I'm really doubting she'll come. Save yourself the headache and don't worry about it until something happens!

I would probably ask someone to switch tables at the last minute if need be (or have your mom pull them aside and do it).

lmills730

normally i would think she wasn't coming, but she lives with her daughter and her husband that i mentioned above, who are attending. I feel like it would be really easy for her to jump in the car with them.

so you are saying, at the reception, you would just ask someone to get up and switch tables? not a bad idea...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:495ed286-b748-4fa8-9c46-de7b67ed2d3fPost:ca65b73f-5098-4e86-9d72-ee83bbf8cadd">Re: Another WWYD</a>:
[QUOTE]normally i would think she wasn't coming, but she lives with her daughter and her husband that i mentioned above, who are attending. I feel like it would be really easy for her to jump in the car with them. so you are saying, at the reception, you would just ask someone to get up and switch tables? not a bad idea...
Posted by lmills730[/QUOTE]

I'd find a likely candidate and ask them - maybe at the end of the ceremony or even before the wedding, depending on who it is. Just say that something came up and you really need them to sit at table 12, but there are some fund people over there.

Simply Fated

I wouldnt' stress over it. First off, these venue places are used to last minute shuffling around, so don't stress too much if your final count is off by one or two people.

Now as far as where to put her, is it really impossible to put one extra person at a table? Talk to your venue and see if they can't get one more person there. if not, try the 20-something table... if anything, it'll be a fun experience, lol.

lmills730

ya, because of the way the venue is layed out, there can only be a certain number of 12 tops, and 10 and under tops.

hah, ya it will definitely be an adventure.

ThePinkSuperhero

Just relax- good grief, her husband just died, this whole "stress" is very petty in retrospect.  She'll show, or she won't.  Put your mother in charge of finding her a seat if she shows up.

lmills730

i acknowledge that it pales in comparison. the finding her a seat is the hard part.

Knittibell

Ok, first- if she's your grandma's sister, she's your great-aunt.

Next, as someone who was widowed, albeit a young widow, (I was widowed a year after my wedding at the age of 28- elderly driver killed my husband),  please don't call and pester her about whether or not she's coming. It's either going to be something she can't bear, as an event she's attending without him for the first time, or something she may decide at the last minute will really cheer her up, to be around her family at a happy time.

What I would do is call the venue and let them know you are adding one guest- explain the situation, and ask if since it's such a small number can you please send a regular check versus a cashier's check. My guess is they'll be fine with it.

Next, assume she is coming- it's fine to have 11 ppl at a table that seats 12, in case she doesn't show-  so take a moment and see which table she'd be most comfortable at, and then go ahead and move a couple of people and put here there, you'll only have to print out a couple of new escort cards.

I know it's a tough thing for you, I totally get that, but the sad fact of life is that either you or your fiance will be exactly in the same situation she is one day, and wouldn't you like for your family to be there for you?

Even if she decides she can't make it, the good karma alone should give you a nice glowy feeling. It'll all work out, don't panic.

_Dagney_

It's only one guest.  I'm SURE the venue will be able to accomodate you and You'll just have to squeeze her in somewhere.  There is a strong possibility that you will have at least ONE no-show.

Even if all you tables are 10-tops, your caterer can add a plate.  It's possible.

(I'm only saying this because of her VERY extreem circumstances.)

_Dagney_

You can actually wait till the day-of, I'd think.  Seriously, just explain it to someone and they will take one look at the little old blind lady and shuffle around if necessary. 

These things happen.

Don't let it get to you too much.

mhande

 Most venues will plan enough food for a few more guests than your headcount (something you should ask them about) in case an unexpected guest shows up. In that case, I would give them a headcount that does not include this guest and trust that they can be flexible if she does show up. If this venue handles weddings often, they should be able to deal with situation without placing undue stress on you.

lmills730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:495ed286-b748-4fa8-9c46-de7b67ed2d3fPost:47fb79e9-7713-4260-8824-44489c22d362">Re: Another WWYD</a>:
[QUOTE] Most venues will plan enough food for a few more guests than your headcount (something you should ask them about) in case an unexpected guest shows up. In that case, I would give them a headcount that does not include this guest and trust that they can be flexible if she does show up. If this venue handles weddings often, they should be able to deal with situation without placing undue stress on you.
Posted by mhande[/QUOTE]

thank you. this venue does handle a lot of weddings, it is basically just a wedding venue, not a hotel or anything. i am going to do exactly this and then just see what happens. i am sure they will be able to accommodate it.

the only thing i was worried about in this instance is if there are not any no-shows (its a very small wedding of 89 people, basically family only). will the venue be needing cash from me on that day?

Knittibell

Call the venue and see- if they require cash on the day, the Best Man would be the one to give the cash to, and he pays it. As I said earlier though, I bet they'd just let you send a check for the one person. Good luck!

lmills730

thanks, i appreciate it ;0)

MeaghanandMichael

Any venue worth its salt will be able to accomodate this. I am actually shocked they had you finalize everything so early. I get that they need a payment figure, but they should be able to work with you, especially if you explain the situation to them.

lmills730

ya, they required final counts two weeks in advance. again, i havent called them up and explained anything...i agree with you guys that i doubt they will flat out say no about one addition.

i will just have to deal with it when/if it happens as far as seating. i know they are firm about which tables can be 10 or 12 top though, because there are pillars in the room that prevent certain sized tables in parts of the room.

i am sure our family members won't mind moving around if she ends up attending.