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Kimmyznc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_best-man-and-bridesmaid-dont-want-to-come-to-rehearsal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:499912a8-10af-469e-89e2-a405ab308852Post:8c2e42b2-0d81-4a76-a3bb-79723b0b2217">Re: Best Man and Bridesmaid don't want to come to Rehearsal</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, am I happy that my bridesmaid is receiving an award?   Yes.   Under other circumstances I might not even care that they can’t attend the rehearsal dinner.   If it was a unique opportunity to receive the award I would definitely accept them excusing themselves from it.   But the opportunity isn’t unique, the award ceremony is a yearly one.     Seeing one of your friends get married doesn’t happen that often.   Also, the award ceremony is in the evening.   Why does that mean they that can’t show up to a rehearsal dinner at noon (My bridesmaid still hasn’t returned my call so I can ask her that)?   That said, I might not even mind them missing the rehearsal if they’d put some kind of effort into being a part of the wedding party. As far as her (and the best man) not having any responsibilities I’m not sure where you’re coming from.   Read the Knot’s description of the best man duties: <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/groom-groomsmen/groomsmen-guide/articles/best-man-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/groom-groomsmen/groomsmen-guide/articles/best-man-duties-in-detail.aspx</a> .   Read the duties for the bridesmaids: <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx</a> .   Other websites cite at least similar basic duties.   I’m not saying I expected them to spend a ton of money or attend every single event.   But when you come up with a new excuse for every event, most anyone would start to get the idea that you aren’t committed to being in the wedding at all.   And I don’t think being asked to help out with one bridal shower (agreeing to help when asked) and then ducking out to buy a new vehicle and showing up hours after you were asked to be there shows commitment.   Worse, she started chatting with me when she did arrive and only helped with one or two minor things.   My Maid of Honor put together pretty much the whole party by herself (with my help). I don’t expect my wedding to be anyone’s first priority but mine.   But I do expect my friends to at least act like they care that it matters to me.    If showing up was the only requirement for the bridal party, what makes them any different than guests who go out, buy their own attire and shoes, and show up? I don’t make friends with someone based on their presence or I’d have a lot of shallow friendships for the sake of calling them friendships.   The reason a friend’s presence is all that matters, isn’t just the fact of their presence.   It’s what their presence brings to the event.   If you can’t offer more than just your presence, you’re not offering much as a friend. If you got through your wedding stress free, congratulations.   The end line is, I’m not even sure if I can trust the bridesmaid to show up (on time) to the event itself—your most basic requirement for a bridesmaid. Maybe I have high expectations of people.   But I was raised to be considerate of others (to be aware of how what I do affects others) and to honor my commitments.   After all, the last one (honoring my commitments) is the very basis of marriage. P.S. Thank you to those who made helpful suggestions and at least gave me the benefit of the doubt.
Posted by jt1317h[/QUOTE]

Can I just say, I started my knottinghood only a few days ago & began with a 'vent' also... where I got somewhat reamed. While I wrote it, it was coming from my situation and what I know about the people I'm writing about and what I have been through with them. It quickly dawned on me that NOBODY else has a clue about these relationships of mine because afterall, it is a board of strangers. So I think if you choose to vent, people will take it at face value because that's what they know. So your original complaint about the rehearsal dinner didn't seem like a big deal (which it's not) but to you it is because these people have been a pain thus far. My lesson learned? No more venting! Save it for the people who know the situation a little better. Anyway, GL with your wedding. & yes, totally aware I'm responding to all this 12 years later.

reneea_2

you know, i really do not understand why bridesmaids feel like them being in your wedding means that you should feel so lucky that they are willing to do this for you.....i have 3 bridesmaids, 2 of which suck big time!! when i was engaged over a year ago and my bridesmaids begged, yes begged me to be in the wedding, i told them exactly what i wanted from them so someone could not come back a year later and say i can't come to the rehearsal dinner, or i can't be at the bridal shower. well, that totally did not matter in my situation. if you told the bridesmaids in advance that this is one of the things you expected from them, then they should at least feel a little obligated to be there. i understand life gets in the way sometimes and everyone has their own lives but they should not have agreed to be in the wedding if they couldn't dedicate themselves to a few events leading up to the wedding day.....I officially hate bridesmaids! Good luck sweetheart and don't pay attention to the haters! lol