Do we have to give tips?

Jagrus

I was wondering if we Have to give tips to the DJ, Photographer, Reverend?

WE are paying the church, paying the Dj, paying the photographer. We are feeding everyone. Do we have to give them tips.
The only reason I ask is because I am actually paying for most everything myself. My dad gave us a little but it is alot less than what I expected ( he just cut my budget due to his getting laid off; I am being understanding and taking responsibility and paying for the rest of the wedding). But really do we have to give tips, I am kind of out of money myself.

Summer2011Bride

If someone owns their own business, you do not need to tip. If you are happy with their service, the best thing you can do is recommend them to others and give them good reviews online.

If someone does not own their own business, it is customary to tip them if it's not already getting paid for (for instance, our limo driver's gratuity was already worked into the overall cost we paid). So if the DJ at your wedding works for a business that has many DJs and he doesn't own it, then I would probably tip him. If he owns his own DJing business, it's not necessary.

ETA: We didn't tip our pastors/officiants. It's pretty common to instead give a donation to the Church. We gave a $200 donation--you might ask on your local board what is common for your area.

TheGroominator

I am a strong believer that tips must be earned. I hate the idea that someone's position dictates they get tipped. If someone goes out of their way or puts a lot of effort into the services they provide, then you should tip them, but tipping someone for just doing what they are already getting paid to do is just reinforcing mediocrity.

aoideeos

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-we-have-to-give-tips?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49ba9eaa-4c10-40e6-b524-287039ce1fbbPost:d03b7f59-0219-46a7-8dcb-31a26d600c04">Re: Do we have to give tips?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a strong believer that tips must be earned. I hate the idea that someone's position dictates they get tipped. If someone goes out of their way or puts a lot of effort into the services they provide, then you should tip them, but tipping someone for just doing what they are already getting paid to do is just reinforcing mediocrity.
Posted by TheGroominator[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm the same way. If they did great then I tip them or tip them extra. Im not sure about tipping a reverend or pastor though... A donation to the church would probably work better though I have no idea how much. $200 seems like a lot to me but i dont go to church so I'm not sure what's expected...</div>

Snippylynn

I agree to some extent, Groominator, but it doesn't sound like OP is planning to tip anyone because she's just plain broke. Which is different from not liking their service.

divinemsbee

I don't think paying for your own wedding is the best excuse not to tip. Agree with SM that you should have worked tips into your budget. I think that if you are paying them a fair price and they do exactly to-a-T their job, a tip is optional, but if what they do is really outstanding, then I think a tip is a good touch, whether they own the business or not. 

I'm paying what is a lot of money to my church to get married there, however, I will probably give the priest a giftcard for a nice dinner. Because that's a pleasant thing to do. I'll probably go ahead and get tip envelopes ready for everyone else, and, if all goes well, I'll hand them out. Obviously for people like hair and make-up they'll be tipped at time of payment. 

However, I'm a big tipper (at least 20%, always--that's large in my part of the country, and I adjust to the local rate when I'm out of town/in larger cities) in the rest of my life, so I imagine I'll be that way at the wedding. I can't imagine going somewhere and not tipping unless whatever service that was being provided was just so awful. I worked in the service industry too long not to tip. I like to tip, and tip well, because I know it can makes someone's night. I tip above an added gratuity if I can and my FI is the same way, thank God. It's a habit we share. 

Edited for clarity.

mizutamababy

While I don't think tipping to reinfore mediocre service is a good thing, sometimes bad service is not the fault of the person directly providing the service that gets the tip.  I've had multiple friends work in restaurants where the manager(s)/owner(s) purposely understaffed to make more profit.  What happens is they get stuck running more tables than they should, and on busy nights that can lead to unhappy customers, mistakes, and slow service even if the wait staff is trying their best.  I usually don't fault people for only being human.  Rather than sending a message by tipping very small or not at all, it would be better to bring the fill out a response card that the people running the place will see.

Obviously this isn't an excuse if the wait staff is mulling about chatting, etc.

In relation to the wedding biz, a vendor under management might be late to an event because the manager scheduled two events too close together or there was a mistake in starting time communication, etc.  Happens at my work a lot since the upper management is very disorganized and we're a teacher/tutor dispatch for some worksites.  Luckily I don't work on tips and most complaints get funneled to the secretaries.  There have been times I've given up lunch and other breaks to try to hop from one location to the other in time and still not made it no matter how hard I tried because of upper miscommunications.

Winnertag1

Most couples now pay for their own weddings themselves so that isnt a good excuse for not tipping.

Most people here say that you are supposed to tip anyone who is working but doesnt run the business as long as they havent included it already as a tip or service charge. I think that tips should be earned - as long as the service was good, if someone had gone out of their way to help you etc then they deserve to be tipped. 

Jagrus

Ok, you are all saying that it should have been worked in my budget, I guess I should have said, We had a budget but when my Dad got laid off he cut it WAY back, by over $1500.00.

banana468

What else can you cut back?  If you're taking a honeymoon, I'd scale back portions of that.  Cut back on flowers or other aspects.

If you can't afford to tip would you still go out to dinner?  I'd hope you'd say no!  The same should hold for your wedding vendors.  

Plus, some of them may have tips in their contracts.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-we-have-to-give-tips?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49ba9eaa-4c10-40e6-b524-287039ce1fbbPost:5f837836-e2dd-40f5-85bf-f46ad4433a11">Re: Do we have to give tips?</a>:
[QUOTE]What else can you cut back?  If you're taking a honeymoon, I'd scale back portions of that.  Cut back on flowers or other aspects. If you can't afford to tip would you still go out to dinner?  I'd hope you'd say no!  The same should hold for your wedding vendors.   <strong>Plus, some of them may have tips in their contracts.</strong>
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

This is very true.  Double check your contracts.

Tipping is customary, but you by no means <em>have</em> to.  Its a piss poor excuse not to though because its not in your budget.  You can make a little go a long way if you have to.

kroot87

I didn't read all of the PPs, so this might be a little redundant, but why would you not WANT to tip? Unless the person is the owner of the business, tip is included in your contract, or the service was absolutely awful, you tip. That's not the place to cut costs.

HandBanana

I lean to the opposite side.  H and I have both worked in the service industry and we always tip, if service is horrible we usually end up tipping but saying something to managment.

I agree with Stage, tipping should have been part of your budget.  I sympathize with your budget being cut because of a layoff.  H was laid off 6 months before our wedding so I kind of understand but I also don't think you should have counted on money you didn't have yet.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-we-have-to-give-tips?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49ba9eaa-4c10-40e6-b524-287039ce1fbbPost:dbba3b4c-122f-4201-b877-8d4924fc8745">Re: Do we have to give tips?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do we have to give tips? : I'm the same way. If they did great then I tip them or tip them extra. Im not sure about tipping a reverend or pastor though... A donation to the church would probably work better though I have no idea how much.<strong> $200 seems like a lot to me</strong> but i dont go to church so I'm not sure what's expected...
Posted by aoideeos[/QUOTE]

It really depends on the area/Church. $200 is actually on the low end around here. It's not uncommon for the donations to be $500 or higher. I think it also depends on how much the Church charges to use the Church. H's only charged us $150 to reserve the chapel. I know of friends who went to other churches that paid $800+ to reserve their Church. Had they charged us more, I probably would have donated a little bit less. Although Churches aren't "businesses" in the same sense, they do still need money to exist, run programs, pay pastors, etc. If you think of them as a "vendor" $200 is actually quite cheap comparatively. But again, I think asking around locally is the best thing to find out what's common in an area.

eirwyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-we-have-to-give-tips?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:49ba9eaa-4c10-40e6-b524-287039ce1fbbPost:ef941ce1-9d5f-4e5a-b0d5-0d0d8498cf1b">Re: Do we have to give tips?</a>:
[QUOTE]H was laid off 6 months before our wedding so I kind of understand but <strong>I also don't think you should have counted on money you didn't have yet.
</strong>Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

This.

Is there any way you can cut a few hundred dollars from other areas? Cake serving set? Flutes? Programs? Custom napkins? "Bride" hoodie? Those things all add up.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-we-have-to-give-tips?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49ba9eaa-4c10-40e6-b524-287039ce1fbbPost:0a967080-3dfd-4fe0-ad6c-124ee42f0d34">Re: Do we have to give tips?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, you are all saying that it should have been worked in my budget, I guess I should have said, We had a budget but when my Dad got laid off he cut it WAY back, by over $1500.00.
Posted by Jagrus[/QUOTE]
I honestly hope that you aren't taking any money from your laid off dad at this point. If you are, that's worse than not wanting to tip. <div>
</div><div>Plus, here you are saying you are paying for everything yourself, but really, you just budgeted poorly, with money you didn't have. This is not an excuse for you to shirk your duties. </div><div>
</div><div>If you can't afford this stuff now, then ditch it. Keep your priorities in the right place.</div>

HandBanana

In Response to Re:Do we have to give tips?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do we have to give tips?:H was laid off 6 months before our wedding so I kind of understand but I also don't think you should have counted on money you didn't have yet.Posted by HandBananaThis. Is there any way you can cut a few hundred dollars from other areas? Cake serving set? Flutes? Programs? Custom napkins? "Bride" hoodie? Those things all add up. Posted by eirwyn[/QUOTE]

Chair covers, foor length tableclothes, ambiance lighting, chocolate fountain, monogram aisle runner, photobooth, etc.

lulu4150

Not to totally hijack this thread but now I have a question.  The place we're getting married at/having reception includes a coordinator, DJ, and limo in the pricing.  How much should we tip?  Since its all included I have no idea how much it would've been if we didn't have this included.  I fell in love w/ this place as soon as we saw it so we didn't price out DJs and limos, and a coordinator was not in the budget.

HandBanana

In Response to Re:Do we have to give tips?:[QUOTE]Not to totally hijack this thread but now I have a question.nbsp; The place we're getting married at/having reception includes a coordinator, DJ, and limo in the pricing.nbsp; How much should we tip?nbsp; Since its all included I have no idea how much it would've been if we didn't have this included.nbsp; I fell in love w/ this place as soon as we saw it so we didn't price out DJs and limos, and a coordinator was not in the budget. Posted by lulu4150[/QUOTE]

I would tip based on how much she actually coordinates. Our location came with a sales person/coordinator. I can't remember how much exatly that we tipped but we accounted for her outting out our favors on individual plates, putting up pictures on the reception table, putting out our place cards, AND makjng sure a bottles of Early Times and Tanquaray was behind the bar for H's godmother and godfather.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-we-have-to-give-tips?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49ba9eaa-4c10-40e6-b524-287039ce1fbbPost:78addfef-b540-4901-b3e0-a8b30f3d2644">Re:Do we have to give tips?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Do we have to give tips?: I had 10k budget that was cut in HALF 5k 5 months before my wedding. We still found a way to plan in tips for vendors. I get not rewarding bad service, but I think punishing good service because you don't want to cut corners elsewhere is still pretty crappy. <strong>Would you go into a restaurant and eat, planning not to tip the waitress because you don't have enough money to cover the bill and a tip? </strong>Same concept, IMHO.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I worked as a waitress in college and this happened to me! I had a family eat and on their way out say, "Sorry, we don't have money for a tip, but you gave great service and the next time we're in, we'll bring a tip." Obviously that wasn't going to happen. It really sucks. I see your situation as very similar to this. I agree that if someone doesn't do what they say they should or is rude, etc., then no, tipping isn't necessary or mandatory, but you should budget for it. If you end up getting crappy service from someone and not wanting to tip at all or as much, then you have extra money. But you should still plan on it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yes. You wouldn't go out to a restaurant and not tip because you couldn't afford it. You'd either go to a less expensive place or not go out to eat. So, you either need to find vendors that fit into your budget, tip included, or cut back - maybe do your own flowers, not have a coordinator, have an iPod instead of a DJ.