Coworker Disinviting Himself From Wedding... 18 Months in Advance!

cmk46202

I work on a team with 4 other people. I've known 3 of them for years and consider them to be friends. I have a tentative guest list (wedding isn't until Sept. 2012) and of course they are on it. I planned to invite the fourth coworker, because I think it would be rude to just invite the others, but he is an odd duck, to say the least.

This morning, he came over to my desk and said he had been thinking about something and wanted to share it with me. "I know you are planning a wedding and it's a small guest list, so I wanted you to know that you don't have to invite me, if you need the space for family or whatever." I was actually speechless. I finally managed to thank him for telling me that, and I had planned to invite coworkers A, B and C so of course I would invite him as well.

This is my first real awkward-guest moment ... I'm still kind of dumbstruck that he actually said this or was even thinking about it. I won't send out invitations for more than a year anyway. It was very strange!

GeauxTigers17

That's just....weird. I've had people point-blank ask me if they can come, but this is a new one!

LisaChris2011

I admit, that's strange.  It sounds like he was feeling "insecure" about it and acknowledges that you're closer to your other co-workers, and wanted to let you know you don't need to feel obligated to invite him. 

achiduck

An odd duck indeed...

redheadfsu

I don't think it was that odd, he was just letting you know he doesn't expect to be invited. I do have to wonder if you discuss the wedding at work, though (which might have prompted it).

But since you are so far out, "we haven't really thought about the guest list yet" works if it comes up again.

hlq2011

Eh... is he married?  Maybe he knows well the pain of a guest list.

One of my coworkers told me if we have last-minute declines, he'll be happy to come to help us meet our minimums.  He is a friend, doesn't expect an invite, and knew I was having guest list issues.

StacyJenniges

He probably sees that you are closer to the other three and it was his way of letting you know that he would be fine if you didn't invite him.   He probably realizes that in your situation you may feel obliged to invite him and he's letting you know that you are not. 

but like you said your wedding is 18 months out you have ahwile before you finalize your guest list, things may change.

jrkjpf

Not as bad as an old co-worker trying to guilt me into NOT coming so he could invite others. Needless to say, just to be a pain in the ass, I went.

cmk46202

Everyone knows I am getting married but I don't talk about it much, mostly because we are so far away from the wedding. This guy does one weird thing after another ... he just seems to be lacking in social skills. It made me very uncomfortable that he even brought the topic up -- I've only worked with him for 5 months and he is quite a bit younger than me, so we wouldn't hang out socially. 

I don't know what his motivations were but to even discuss the guest list with me seemed inappropriate. Just as it is up to me to include whomever I choose on the guest list, it is also up to the guest to accept or decline the invitation, no explanation needed.

shytownkelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_coworker-disinviting-himself-wedding-18-months-advance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49de2870-8456-4921-81dd-3e70c9634525Post:b31e4343-8db9-44ee-9fac-83da982399d9">Re: Coworker Disinviting Himself From Wedding... 18 Months in Advance!</a>:
[QUOTE] This guy does one weird thing after another ... he just seems to be lacking in social skills.
Posted by cmk46202[/QUOTE]

Based on this - maybe he knows he would be uncomfortable going to a wedding where he doesn't know anyone (aside from the co-workers).  Maybe he said this to you to calm his own anxiety about this.  (which would account for the way-too-soon timing of the conversation)

kmmssg

I was going to ask about his social skills and you answered that one.  I think he was probably trying to be very nice but has no idea how to deliver the message, let alone whether or not it is wise to even try. 

bczican77

I think it was actually a cool gesture on his part.  Maybe he doesn't fully understand when the final guest list is made (certainly not 18 months in advance.. LOL!), but he realizes that you may be on a tight budget and didn't want you to feel obligated to invite him?  Especially in a situation where your office is so small. Personally, if it were me, I would invite him anyway. :-)

chrissyinatl

The whole work thing is SO akward.

I actually think it's nice that he said that.  But yeah, I'd invite him anyways, and let him decline.