Future step-daughters

thrsalhdsn

This is my first time posting.  Wedding date is set for 10-23-10.  My BFF introduced me to my FI; he's her Ex husband.  Together they have 3 daughters.  Now she is insisting that the daughters have a part in the wedding.  I already have my bridal party so I'm unsure what I should do with the girls.  Help?

Mrs.B6302007

If you don't want them in the WP, that's your choice.  Don't let yourself get bullied into it.  Your FI can have them stand on his side. Or you can let them do a reading.

Knittibell

Does your FI want them in the wedding? How old are they?

thrsalhdsn

The girls are 21, 18, and 14.  BFF suggested they be "grooms girls" neither FI nor I liked that idea.  He wants them in the wedding but keeps insisting that I will figure something out.  He's not particular, and just doesn't want anyone to get upset over it...

Knittibell

At that age I'd make them Bridesmaids.  You can have uneven sides, so it's fine if you have more attendants than he does. , I think if he wants them in the wedding, that's your answer.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-step-daughters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b0df6af-24ec-4d7a-9f7e-87c16b5c9f07Post:ef4496a8-75c4-4ab0-ba80-e1b201076860">Re: Future step-daughters</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I fail to understand why YOU should figure out something for HIS daughters</strong>. Tell him that he needs to talk to them, and discuss what role (if any, as they are old enough to decide for themselves) they would like to have in your wedding. Then decide if you as a couple can make that work.
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]
Yep, yep, yep.

Loopyseven

Wait.. your BFF introduced you/set you up with her Ex hubby?  And this isn't weird?

thrsalhdsn

Thanks everyone, great advice. 

 And regarding the PP, no it's not weird, although I get that alot!  We make it work, and quite honestly this has been the only real issue where I feel caught in the middle.

Loopyseven

Can they do readings?  be part of a sand ceremony to symbolize joining 2 families?  Hand out programs/man the guestbook during a receiving line (make sure to specify an end time so they can enjoy the rest of the day)..  There are ways to include them without having them stand up at the front during the ceremony.

Trishes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-step-daughters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b0df6af-24ec-4d7a-9f7e-87c16b5c9f07Post:f49d81f3-aae2-4197-9a50-f3a2a31d5089">Re: Future step-daughters</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait.. your BFF introduced you/set you up with her Ex hubby?  And this isn't weird?
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who wanted to go "Wait. Back up a sec!"

Also, (to the others who said he should figure it out) they may be HIS daughters, but after she marries him, they will be part of HER family. She should decide as much as he does.

twilight.rose

If you don't want them in the BP, the only real options I see are letting them do readings, or if they're musically inclined, perhaps play a special selection.

AmoroAgain

Personally, I'd ask them individually what they want to do, and let them decide.  It's a touchy enough situation, and if one wants to be a BM, and the other do a reading and the other do nothing-- that's their choice.  That way, neither your FI nor you is "putting them somewhere".

Belle2Be

Interesting dynamic!!!

I'm with the "ask them" idea, they are old enough to know if they want to be in tha party, for one. Give them a couple options, sing a song, read a poem, be a bridesmaid, take pictures, etc

thrsalhdsn

Great ideas all around.  Thanks everyone again!

Knittibell

I actually think it's pretty cool that your FI and BFF have a good enough relationship, that she'd want him to be happy still, and thought of you.

I agree that maybe asking them what they want to do would be best, and easiest on all of you. My sister, for example is in the WP, but is shy and would hate to make any sort of reading/speech. Others are fine with it. I'm sure it'll all turn out great, no matter what.

HisCB

if they were my future daughters in law, i would want them to be in the wedding. perhaps i would write vows to say to them as their new step-mom. i would think that asking them to be your bridesmaids would make them happy that you care about them as well as their dad enough to ask them, as if they were already some of your best friends. i dont understand why you dont want to add them to your party. your sides dont have to be even.

imo guestbook keeper is not really an honor for kids those ages. its kind of a lame job, and job =/= honor

arv266

I agree with the pp... As there future step mom, why wouldn't you want them in your bridal party?  The only thing that I found odd was your BFF insisting that they be in the WP...  Is she the MOH?