Tell me I'm not crazy....(little long, sorry)

YaPuppy

So, my honeymoon  is next month.  Ages ago, the idea was broached about my MIL booking our honeymoon for us (we pay our way, she just books it), because they want to take the same trip (cruise/cruisetour).  They've cruised so much, we'd get their perks.  But - it would be a totally separate trip.  I said fine, why not.  Extra perksfor the honeymoon sound good to me!

Cut to now.  It somehow came up a few weeks back about his mother expecting to eat with us.  I talked to my husband about it and just said, look I think you underestimate how much we'll end up seeing them the second week during the tour.  Smaller groups, bus/train travel, etc.  We're going to see them probably a lot accidentally and whatnot.  He said ok, no prob.  I figured that was it.

Nope.  I spoke to her about something unrelated and she mentioned it.  I said how excited I was to pick the excursions.  She went "Oh?  Why?  I thought we're all going to sit together and pick them out since we're doing them together?"  The dogs started barking and I used that to get off the phone, I was too shocked to say "Are you crazy?"  So, I got the booking number and went online.  She got a room 6 doors down from us.  Granted, it's not right next door, but really, a ship that size and she picks a room as close as possible to us? 

Finally, I call the company to make sure they have all my recent name change info.  They do, and he points out that our dinner reservation is linked with hers - she told them the 4 of us will be eating together every night.  I asked him to change it and he said he can't since she booked it.  I asked if I can request a change on the ship - he said yes but theres no guarantee.  So, if I hadn't just called I would have found this out and been blindsided when I went to dinner.  And now there's a chance we can't get our own table?  Husband is asleep and I don't want to wake him up, but I'm wigging over this.  It's not a family vacation.  I was told from the start, its our honeymoon, shes just doing us a favor for it, totally separate trips, us and them.  To me, favors don't have these kinds of strings....

ThePinkSuperhero

The way cruises are, honestly, I think it'd be weird to be on the same ship and NOT eat together.  You guys seem to have dug yourself deep into a hole with this one.  I don't envy you!  Good luck.

loop0406

Seems like you can't get out of the dinner since it's booked, unless you ask her to remove you both from reservation...which would upset her most likely for like 4ever...since hopefully it's just dinner and you have the rest of days/nights with your new hubby, breathe and let it be..

ThePinkSuperhero

Ok, I've thought about it more and- I think you guys can find a compromise.  Maybe you do dinner with the in-laws, but do excursions during the day by yourself?  What does your FH say about all this?  Any deal on this is going to need to come to them from him, not you.

kkchisholm

You aren't crazy...but I would never ever agree to be on the same cruise at my in-law.
I feel bad for you.. I really do! If you want anything said to mil, I'd have your h do it.

ughh the idea of eating with my fmil everynight on my honeymoon makes me cringe.

Simply Fated

I'm not sure how you were blindsided by the fact that you would be seeing a lot of them when you were going to be on the same boat as them. I've never been on a cruise, either, but I've seen Titanic and even Jack and Rose encounter each other a number of times before  *spoiler alert*  the ship hits the iceberg.

In-Laws can be tricky... and very sneaky. It looks like you fell for a doubles trip hook, line, and sinker.

Favors always have strings attached. Always.

What has your fiance said about you guys spending so much times together with his parents? Is he weirded out by the close proximity of the rooms?

The table arrangement doesn't seem weird to me. I mean, it would be weirder if you were eating in the same room and not sitting together, no?
The rooms being close is kinda weird, but six rooms apart isn't that close. Are you sure that is something they specifically requested?

kikibaby

Not to be mean, but this is totally a hole you dug for yourself. You wanted the IL's cruise perks, so you agreed to spend your HM with them.  They're seeing it as a family vaca, a way to spend time with their son and new DIL. 

Probably the only thing you can do now is say you'd like to do some excursions on your own.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-im-not-crazylittle-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c098246-076d-4a69-9ce8-8b835b82c6b4Post:f35407a4-57af-4b3d-9c13-8e8c86850cd1">Re: Tell me I'm not crazy....(little long, sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE] ughh the idea of eating with my fmil everynight on my honeymoon makes me cringe.
Posted by kkchisholm[/QUOTE]
Oh, I agree. I adore my boyfriend's mom, but dinnertime is always a nightmare. She always brings up uncomfortable topics, everything from politics to the dog's bowel movements.

LesaBear

They randomly assign you to sit with people when you book a cruise. They probably put you together from the beginning anyway. When you get there, first thing ask the person in charge of the dinners to change seats. Tell them its your HM and it might work. FI went on a cruise and got put with a family with young children. I asked and we got put at a table by ourselves.

I'm guessing FMIL will need to change the room. And I think it needs to be changed. Tell your FI to talk to her about privacy concerns, if you know what I mean.

YaPuppy

Yeah...in retrospect I guess we did kind of agree to this on some level.  I think my main issue is just the amount of time she wants (which I do feel bad about).  We had a destination wedding a few months ago, and spent the whole week with family and friends.  That's why we still booked the honeymoon for a few months later, to kind of have a trip to ourselves.  I knew we'd see them a lot by accident and coincidence, and was ok with that part.

But the room thing (I did ask the reservation guy and he said there was a note in there about her request for the rooms), on top of expecting to excursion with us every day and eat together every night just kind of threw me a little (ok, a LOT).  I hate sounding like a brat, I was just looking forward to more time together without family milling around.  I definitely do believe that now though about there always being strings

katiewhompus

Sil booked our hotel for our wedding night. She also booked her room (and the room blocks) very far away from our room. Mil told her (and me) that she was planning on asking to be switched to the room next to ours so she could come to the afterparty and then have breakfast with us. Sil, who I love and adore, said "Mom, if you are planning on having grandbabies, you will leave them alone on their wedding night and don't even think about following them to the honeymoon."

Maybe pull the sex card out. I know I personally would not be thrilled with the idea of banging while mil is only 6 doors away, and doesn't seem to realize that a honeymoon is not a time for family bonding.

angie74

it sucks. for real.

but ya kinda dug yourself into it. as nice as it is that they offered to help out, I would've had to say no because I could only imagine that what happened would happen.

I would NEVER want to spend two weeks of my honeymoon hanging out with my IL's. no way. talk to your husband about a good compromise and make sure he stresses the importance of your alone time to his parents.

Simply Fated

I would definitely talk with FI asap about planning and booking activities on your own... you won't be able to stop your in-laws from joining in all the time, but maybe they won't want to do every thing you do. But fiance definitely needs to sit down and explain to her that although you both look forward to spending time together with them, you also want plenty of alone time as newlyweds. If she really can't understand why, then he might need to be more blunt. KIND, but blunt, lol.

And you can sit down with her and fiance afterwards and book some stuff together. Maybe take in a show one night with them or something.

smokeybailey

Well, there are normally 2 seatings for dinner on a cruise.  Ask about moving to whenever the other seating is (later or earlier).  The dinner thing is really not a huge deal.  There will be probably 2 other couples at the table so you don't have to sit NEXT to the IL's. 

Also, if you book separate excursions and what have you, the only time you would see them is at dinner and that's not so bad.  Just have your FI let her know that you guys are going to book your own trips, etc. because you want to be on your own schedule, not on any one else's.  She should get that. 

If not, then, don't book anything until last minute.  Stay on the boat whenever possible and do your own thing.  Just book them on your own.  I don't know where you are cruising, but on my whopping 3 cruises I have been on, I have never done an "excursion."  I booked my own or did my own exploring.  There's that too.

If it was my mom, I would say, look you guys are early risers, we're not, so I am going to book our own trips according to what we want to do and when.  You guys do your thing and we'll see you at dinner (maybe-you know you can eat elsewhere).

ootmother2

I'm not going to say that you dug yourself into this problem because everyone else has said it already.

i think it's time for you, your husband and his parents to sit down for a llittle chat.

This is your honeymoon with your husband.  The purpose is to start the creation of a bonding that will carry you though your life together.

I would honestly state this during your chat. 

You are a new couple and you don't nee/wantwish/whatever/ to have parents with you on you honeymoon.

Quite honestly, i would ask them to cancel just as a matter of respect and consideration that thie is your honeymoon.

I am a mob and if i ever found myself in this situation unwittingly, i would cancel in a minute!  you deserve your privacy and anyone who infringes in this should be told just that

quotequeen

You don't actually have to eat at the seated dinner every night if you don't want to.  There are generally other options for buffets and things around the ship that you can do instead.

kbsmom1

sorry you got blind sided...anyway dont know your cruise lines but as others said there are other dinner options.....buffet, pool side stuff but some lines have extra fine dining ...like a steak house or Italien...ect.....but you need to have your FI address this issue....its unreasonable for your FMIL to think shes going to spend all this time with you.......we have taken lots of cruises with family and even on large ships ou see them OFTEN.........first thing when you board go to the Maitre D...and Change your dinning options to another seating...they are usually very accomadating and esp if you explain your circumstances.........also get in line for excursions....usually near front desk on main level and book maybe one with them and the rest for you two......we travel a lot with my daughter and her husband and I would never expect them to hang with us the whole time or have a room next door....good luck

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-im-not-crazylittle-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c098246-076d-4a69-9ce8-8b835b82c6b4Post:07cafff6-fa67-423f-a5be-9dcb8f5f3ed9">Re: Tell me I'm not crazy....(little long, sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]Quite honestly, i would ask them to cancel just as a matter of respect and consideration that thie is your honeymoon. I am a mob and <strong>if i ever found myself in this situation unwittingly</strong>, i would cancel in a minute!  you deserve your privacy and anyone who infringes in this should be told just that
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

I don't think they're going to cancel, and I think asking them to is way worse than asking to eat dinner separately. They're not "unwillingly" in this situation, it wasn't a mistake. They purposely booked the same vacation as OP's HM because everyone agreed to that.

OP can hardly go back and say "I still want your frequent cruiser benefits, but I've changed my mind about you guys coming on the cruise." All she can do is talk to her DH and get him to explain to his mom that while they're very grateful for the benefits and looking forward to spending some time with his parents, they also need some alone time as a couple.

tdso008

Talk with your MIL together with your husband and stress that you truly appreciate her help in booking the trip.  But since you're on your honeymoon, your priority will be spending time alone. 

The next thing you should say is that you'll make time for  a meal or two, maybe even a day trip.  Just to keep the peace...