Do I charge or not??

aggurrola

I am having 155-160 guests coming to my wedding. My fiance and I grew up in church since we were kids and a lot of people saw us grow up and are wanting to come to our wedding. We cannot pay for more people. But most of them are asking us if they can pay their plate. I feel bad charging, especially because it's a little expensive.. it's $75.00 per person. I told one person that it was $75.00 and she said it was a lot and that she'll think about it. But should I charge what it really is, or less? Or just say there is no more room?

larzhope

you are CHARGING people to come to your wedding?  my jaw just hit the ground.  say there is no room.  This is one of the most distateful things I have ever heard of.  I'm holding myself back from saying a lot of really nasty things... just, no....

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charge-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c259b4c-3cd8-40b0-b4eb-e98f0f5997a0Post:0cc8c41b-84ae-4579-9284-b86316b4b125">Do I charge or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having 155-160 guests coming to my wedding. My fiance and I grew up in church since we were kids and a lot of people saw us grow up and are wanting to come to our wedding. We cannot pay for more people. But most of them are asking us if they can pay their plate. I feel bad charging, especially because it's a little expensive.. it's $75.00 per person. I told one person that it was $75.00 and she said it was a lot and that she'll think about it. But should I charge what it really is, or less? Or just say there is no more room?
Posted by aggurrola[/QUOTE]
Invite the number of people your budget will allow. Period. Don't take anyone's money. I know they mean well, but it's not polite for them to ask you that and it's not polite for you to take it.

kristeno90

  IMO it is rude to ask a GUEST at your wedding to pay their own way so you should just kindly tell them that you had limited space and a restricted guest list.

NotColloquial

Please don't charge your guests. That is rude beyond what I can put into words. Only invite the amount of people you can afford, peroid. Explain to anyone else who asks that you wanted to invite everyone, but due to budgetary/space reasons you couldn't.

pantherRN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charge-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c259b4c-3cd8-40b0-b4eb-e98f0f5997a0Post:da39e440-52de-4334-bcb5-c55a83792e18">Re: Do I charge or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Do I charge or not?? : Invite the number of people your budget will allow. Period. Don't take anyone's money. I know they mean well, but it's not polite for them to ask you that and it's not polite for you to take it.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

I think LC said it best.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charge-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c259b4c-3cd8-40b0-b4eb-e98f0f5997a0Post:0cc8c41b-84ae-4579-9284-b86316b4b125">Do I charge or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having 155-160 guests coming to my wedding. My fiance and I grew up in church since we were kids and a lot of people saw us grow up and are wanting to come to our wedding. We cannot pay for more people. But most of them are asking us if they can pay their plate. I feel bad charging, especially because it's a little expensive.. it's $75.00 per person. I told one person that it was $75.00 and she said it was a lot and that she'll think about it. But should I charge what it really is, or less? Or just say there is no more room?
Posted by aggurrola[/QUOTE]

Of course you should charge, it's the latest fad in wedding planning

strlzfan11

If your wedding is in a church, anyone can come to witness the ceremony because it's a public place.  That can satisfy your church family's need to want to see you get married.  In some areas it is acceptable to place an announcement in the church bulletin the week before the wedding with the ceremony information so that members will know they can come.

cengle

If you don't want to invite these people, then don't invite them. Charging them is beyond rude. Just tell them that unfortunately, there is not enough room to accommodate everyone you wish you could invite.

But stlrz is right, they can come and watch the ceremony, if they really feel the need to see you get married.

I don't think there's anyone I want to see get married badly enough to pay $75 for my plate to go to their wedding. That just bizarre to even make that offer.

thesequel

When did Wedding become synomous with frat kegger?? 

Just my sarcastic side coming out....

jilld82

Good luck with your planning

Mrs.B6302007

I think congratulations might be in order for the most shocking question of the day.

;-)

Yeah, even if they offer, don't do it.  "We are at capacity".  Say it over and over until you can say it in your sleep.

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charge-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c259b4c-3cd8-40b0-b4eb-e98f0f5997a0Post:52c2079e-8990-42dc-b6a0-440523161700">Re: Do I charge or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]I think congratulations might be in order for the most shocking question of the day. ;-) Yeah, even if they offer, don't do it.  "We are at capacity".  Say it over and over until you can say it in your sleep.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
Right? I think this is more offensive than the guy trying to have his transexual fantasies played out in CC...

jilld82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charge-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c259b4c-3cd8-40b0-b4eb-e98f0f5997a0Post:a809a507-8e5b-41dd-a5b2-fa19a1ef01a2">Re: Do I charge or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>In Response to Re: Do I charge or not?? : Right? I think this is more offensive than the guy trying to have his transexual fantasies played out in CC...
</strong>Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

Bahahaha.

mica178

Tell them there is no more room.  Please don't invite people you cannot afford to host, even if they offer to cover their plate.

McKenna2012

Definitely don't do this.

sklink0486

Please don't do this. Re-read your post out loud to yourself in a mirror- now does it sound ok? The fact that you are thinking about charging people money so that they can have food at YOUR wedding reception is appalling to be honest. I think this may be one of the worst ideas i've ever seen on here. Will the guests who get charged sit next to the ones who didn't? That should be awkward.

HandBanana

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charge-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c259b4c-3cd8-40b0-b4eb-e98f0f5997a0Post:8ea4f80a-b334-42e9-b36a-d9317633eb5d">Re: Do I charge or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Do I charge or not?? : Of course you should charge, it's the latest fad in wedding planning
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]


Second only to corporate sponsorship.

ETA: My FIL tried to do this for two people and their possible dates about... oh 2 weeks ago. Yup 4 weeks before the wedding and he asked to see the entire guest list and offered to pay for two people.  This is after we have already given them 40 more people than my family and oh his parents aren't contributing at all.  oh jeez this turned into a rant.  I just wanted to point out that people do this and in my expereince it was to try to almost bully us into inviting the people because they knew we wouldn't accept payment for two plates.  the end.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charge-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c259b4c-3cd8-40b0-b4eb-e98f0f5997a0Post:ac9a2a3e-a569-4858-8002-c1729782980a">Re: Do I charge or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I charge or not?? : Oh, he's not hurting anyone.  He just wants to feel pretty.  Nothing wrong with that.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

This.

StacyJenniges

I first want to say I'm sorry someone actually asked you if they could go to your wedding if they paid for their meal!  Secondly I feel bad for you on how some of these posts are ripping at you for asking the question.  That being said, I think you should just explain to those people that you would like to invite everyone but you cann't, and leave it at that.  if she doesn't take no for answer you may then have to be rude and tell them it's not polite to ask someone a question like that.

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charge-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c259b4c-3cd8-40b0-b4eb-e98f0f5997a0Post:ac9a2a3e-a569-4858-8002-c1729782980a">Re: Do I charge or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I charge or not?? : Oh, he's not hurting anyone.  He just wants to feel pretty.  Nothing wrong with that.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
Hahahaha

Avion22

Interesting question for your first post.  I really hope you're not serious about letting guests pay for their own meal.  

jerseydevil

OP - Even if they are offering to pay, just politely tell them that you are at capacity.

I realize that you are not asking them to pay and that you probably feel pretty awkward that they are even approaching you with this. Just stand your ground. If you can't afford to host them, then you can't afford to host them.

cms4mf

our frats never charged for keggers... why would we pay to go to a party!

LisaChris2011

I agree with PPs, but also want to add that you shouldn't even post the wedding ceremony on your church bulletin.  Even if its a public venue (your ceremony) you may have "uninvited" folks who trinkle into the reception from the ceremony.  Don't chance it.

jemmini6

If people offered to pay their way to go on your honeymoon with you would you let them?   Probably not because that's a ridiculous question.  People offering to pay to attend your wedding should have come off as just as ridiculous to you.  Just tell people "due to budget/space restrictions, we weren't able to invite everyone we would have liked, but I'd love to get together after the wedding with you."